I’ve had some really bad fears and obsessions in the past, like if I don’t do x thing my family will die, I will be covered in bugs, etc, but my latest one is what’s pushing me over the edge. I haven’t even been able to admit this to anyone yet, but I’ve been having really bad (hopefully intrusive) sexual thoughts about my sister and they make me want to gouge my eyes out. I am so afraid that I might be attracted to her and that I’m putting her in danger for it. These thoughts have caused me so much more stress and anxiety than anything before.
I’m constantly trying to convince myself this isn’t the case. I spend hours questioning, going over events that happened between us, and trying to get myself to feel reassured. Literally everything i do has turned into a way of reassuring myself for this. I’m constantly flipping coins, pulling cards, listening to the same song over and over again, whatever it takes to ease my mind. Theres something telling me i have to keep doing these things like parking my car a certain way, checking if a text has a certain letter in it, seeing if a red light changes when i pull up to it, or else it’s true and I’m a terrible person. I’ve completely avoided her for months because of these thoughts, and I’m so scared that they’re true. My life has become a living nightmare. I’m constantly anxious that I’m gonna act on these thoughts, or worse, that they’ll never go away and I won’t be able to have any future relationships with other people because I won’t be able to stop obsessing about her. We used to be good friends and now I can’t even be around her. I’ve been listening to podcasts and doing research that leads me to think this is ocd, but I’m so afraid it isn’t and I’m actually just a monster trying to convince myself I’m normal. I really don’t want this.
To make things worse, my family all shares a therapist. I’m afraid if I tell my therapist about this, she will be so disgusted that she’ll tell my family. There’s literally no coming back from that. Or maybe she’ll just tell me this is what attraction feels like and then I have to deal with the mental anguish of knowing I’m a genuinely horrible person. I’m really freaking out. I don’t know what to do. Even if I wanted to tell my therapist, she’s on vacation for the next two weeks so I’m on my own.
Any help would be appreciated. Maybe this is reassurance seeking and harmful in the long run, but I’m seriously at such a low that I’ll take it.
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Limefox
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Let me tell you something man. Intrusive thoughts do not define you. You know deep within that the thing with your sister is not something true at all. Intrusive thoughts are called intrusive thoughts for a reason. It's because they are uncontrollable and try to oppose you and make you doubtful.First of all your therapist will definitely not judge you. She knows that it's OCD and she's there to help you overcome it.
You just tell her everything and don't be afraid.
The advice that I'd give you is to stop reassurance. The more you do the better you will get although it's hard to do so.
Tbh you can't stop intrusive thoughts from coming but it's about how you handle them.
One way is to procrastinate when you feel you want to reassure(or do any compulsion that reduces your anxious feeling). Tell yourself I'll reassure in 5 minutes
After 5 minutes tell yourself the same. Try to limit reassuring.
Another way is to agree with intrusive thoughts. When they come tell yourself all right I'm a terrible person. So what. Just don't be afraid of agreeing with it because it's just a thought. Nothing else.
It's just about not engaging with the thought and not trying to neutralize it is the way to reduce your OCD anxiety.
There are different strategies to do that depending on each person and these are tips in the end that work commonly for some people. Your therapist will help you with this. Online resources can also help you.
Thank you. This was very helpful. I’ve been trying to do that, to just welcome the thoughts, but it’s difficult. It’ll work for a few days and then they’ll come back. I’m still too ashamed to tell my therapist. I’m hoping it’ll go away on its own, but I was reading my journal today and realized it’s been almost a year since I’ve been stuck on this one):
Tbh it won't go away on it's own. Actually intrusive thoughts will always try to get you. But what's important is that you always avoid doing compulsions. That's the muscle you should train. When you get good at it you'll just crush the idea that you have OCD.
Adding on to what Joe said above, your therapist is (should be? we all live in North America and everything is all the same right) bound by rules of confidentiality. I'm not sure, but I think your therapist probably communicated something to you that she can and will only disclose ANYTHING if
1. You or someone else is at risk of being harmed or abused
2. If another health professional is at risk of causing harm to others or being unprofessional
Short of that, she SHOULD NOT be able to disclose anything to anyone, friends, family, or otherwise.
If you think it's OCD, you may be able to tell her. Do you think your therapist would be OK with you sending her an email, even though she is on vacation? And I don't know if that's a dumb question or not, but I remember having one some time ago that would have probably been OK with that.
I've been where you are, by the way (mostly, anyways). Had weird sexual thoughts around all sorts of people - my mother, my therapist, etc. Hope it all works out in the end. And I'm sorry if I couldn't be of more help.
That’s helpful, thank you. I’m realizing my therapist might not be right for me, because she has revealed many things about myself that do not fit into that criteria
If your therapist knows anything about OCD, she won't be disgusted. If anything, she might be bored! I say that with no disrespect to you and no intention of minimizing how painful your symptoms are. But everything you've described is classic OCD. It means you have a mental disorder that makes you obsess about these things, not that you actually want to do them. You are not a monster and your therapist (if she is trained in OCD) has heard all of this before. She should be able to help you overcome it, so hang in there until you can see her.
I know the concerns feel very real, but that doesn't make them real. Hold on to the truth that your struggle is with OCD and not inappropriate sexual thoughts, or your family dying, or being covered in bugs, or any of the other wild stuff your brain comes up with to scare you. Try to stop the coin-flipping, cards, ruminating and other compulsions as best you can. They are meaningless and tell you nothing. The fact that you want to "gouge your eyes out" tells you that you find these thoughts abhorrent and you don't really want to act on them.
If your therapist doesn't know anything about OCD, you should find one who does. Again, your symptoms are common, they can be treated, and you can get to a much better place mentally.
The fears can be very real, but that is the OCD talking. It can really make things feel real. But here's the thing, there are just thoughts, ad thoughts are not actions, is there anything that you have done that would indicate anything other than you thoughts? Because if it is all in your mind than it is not the same as actions, OCD make it feel like just thinking the though amounts to the crime.
Has your therapist done anything to make you believe that she might tell a family member? If so then find someone else because as stated above the violates many laws.
As for what to do, I mean you could try to find someone who is a specialist in OCD who might just understand the situation better. That being said your therapist should be there to hear you, and not just make judgements about you. And the techniques mentioned above help, either try to delay the thoughts, or agree with them, it is a hard thing to do, but doing it right will help dramatically.
Hi! First I want to just to say that you are not alone. I have ocd and have sexual intrusive thoughts (including incest ones) so I know where you are coming from and how painful this can be. With that said, OCD is not you and while I know that that is hard to believe now, you can get through this. As others have shared, your therapist should not be able to share what you say with her, so unless you have a very specific reason why you don't trust her not share, then I recommend opening up to her. It took me a while to admit these thoughts to my therapist because I was so ashamed of myself, but she did not judge me in the slightest when I finally did. However, she was not an OCD specialist so I did end up having to move to another therapist who could better help me. So again, I recommend sharing what you are going through with her. You may need to find a specialist like I did, or she may have experience with OCD or have colleague that she can recommend you to. You don't have to go through this alone and you can feel better. And I want to celebrate you for even coming on this to share what you are going through. That, in and of itself is a huge step!
Dear Limefox,
I agree with everything everyone else said. You are not a monster. If you were, these thoughts would not be causing you such agony. If you don't feel comfortable talking with your family's therapist, ask her for a referral or ask your family if you can see someone else on your own.
It's very common to have all kinds of sexual thoughts, feelings, and dreams, esp once you hit adolescence. We've all been there. Find an adult you trust and tell that person. You will be blown away by how unshocked s/he is. Welcome to the human race 😊
Everyone has strange thoughts- you are giving these thoughts about your sister power, you are reacting to them and it’s becoming a bigger and bigger deal. Let these thoughts, images, feelings, etc. be there and sit with the anxiety, shame, whatever you are feeling. Don’t let your mind try to analyze or figure anything out- try not to ruminate. Jon Hershfield has a wonderful workbook out about mindfulness and OCD- it really helps give you perspective about your mind and cognitive distortions.
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