OCD is at it again.

[MissBowLady]

This will mention incest OCD. So here is that warning.

I have used social media platforms like all people do. I use Instagram, Tumblr, and Twitter. But I’ve seen a couple of weird stuff on each platform that made me uncomfortable. For example I’ve seen people talk about incest and stuff. And for the past 2 days, OCD has been telling me that because those posts don’t get deleted, the platform and those that made it support incest.

For some reason I just began using Instagram. But I’ve seen weird stuff on that too. So I don’t know how I was thinking that’s the only safe platform to use???

Anyways, I was also thinking as I sat with the OCD thought (I get in recognizing but it’s still like, not me believing it’s OCD? That’s the only way I can explain it), I thought that the people who made the platform probably don’t support incest and might not even know it’s posted on their platforms. But then I was wondering why can’t I report those weird posts and get them taken down, or why are still allowed up? I thought about freedom of speech, but then I remembered they are private companies so they can do whatever they want. I mean, I’d I had a social media platform the only thing I would not want on it is weird stuff like incest fan fictions or drawings. Ew.

So anyways, I was doing a check in phone call with my therapist explaining all this, and at the end she just said I should keep using those apps like before and see how I feel about it. So I tried doing it and I honestly wasn’t caring about until OCD said “you are supporting this platform posting incest and weird junk. So you are a bad person unless you stop right now.” So I stopped immediately. But the thing is I’m not feeling bad about being on there even though I was thinking my OCD thought before. But maybe I’m compartmentalizing until my next therapy visit so I’m not in ruins. I mean I should be crying and hating myself. But I’m not. But I guess I’m just worried if I’m doing the right thing or not. I don’t care how going on these platforms makes ME feel.

But I’m now at the end of this thinking “how is it not bad that they allow these posts on here and people still use these social media platforms for other stuff?” Now I’m thinking if I think other people are wrong for using these websites. I say no because I think they don’t even know it exists. But then I think of my mom who knows I have OCD and knows these platforms have that content on them and still use them. I just got off the phone with my therapist helping me fight my ocd in thinking my mom support incest but she clearly doesn’t. OCD is attacking my support system and now when I go and hug my mom I’m gonna feel a lot of guilt and disgust.

And I can’t ask people for reassurance telling me I’m not a bad person for using these websites or else it feeds OCD. But what’s the answer to this question? I guess I’m asking how it’s OCD. Is it like how people watch game of thrones? They are watching it for the story but not for the incest stories they throw in it. But how is that okay? How do I not get disgusted with hugging my mom? I want to hug her. I guess just... how?

[IStillHaveHope]

Note: I'm not a therapist, but I do have ocd and I've had incest OCD thoughts. So please take this with a grain of salt.

First off you can love and hug your mom if you want to. From what I've learned OCD attacks what we value. It sounds like you value your support groups and are having OCD around those.

It also sounds like you are having issues with Moral Scrupulosity OCD. I believe that is excessive concern about being "good". I'm very sorry your going through this, but your not a bad person if you saw some disturbing things on the internet. It doesn't mean you support them or that the platform supports them. Actually, that's why they're called platforms and not publishers. They are not liable for any content posted there.

I know what it's like to have awful disturbing thoughts constantly swirling in your head. But I've learned that you are not your thoughts. You are not your feelings. They are ever changing and constantly moving so how could they be really "you"? I can't explain it, but I think "you" are the space between them. The ever calm breath. I don't know if that makes any sense though.

Also, about the, "not being able to ask for reassurance". I thought it was just to put it off for as long as you could? You should ask your therapist about this since I don't know if it's correct or not.

For me when I think, " I can never do this again!" it doesn't help. Thinking "Okay, my obsession is making me want to do

'this' but I'm going to sit with it and at least not do it on it's time" works better.

I'm really sorry you are feeling this way. I don't know if this helps, but everything in life changes. You won't feel this way for ever and your not alone. God bless you.