hocd

[somebodylol]

i’m really struggling. everytime i look at a female i just think i’m attracted to them. when i’m honestly not. i just find them pretty or i can understand how someone could find them attractive. i have always had thoughts of being with boys and i still want to be with one. but these thoughts keep telling me that i’m gay or if i’m bi or if i’m actually attracted to them. it’s a constant battle. i’m only 15 years old and i don’t want to be gay and i don’t want to be bi. i just want my normal life back when i was comfortable being straight. now i keep thinking this whole time there was just somebody inside of me that was gay the whole time. i haven’t been diagnosed with hocd yet, but everybody’s story’s that i have read seem pretty similar to my situation. this whole situation is making me more depressed then i already have been before. the thoughts aren’t as intense as they were last December. i just want to know that i’m not gay and that i’m not bi. i don’t like the thought of being with a female. everytime i try to imagine it i start to flinch and punch my head bc i want the thought to go away. i am also scared now that i will get a crush on a female and that i will want to date her. that’s not what i want but now it’s a big fear. i’m starting to think that these thoughts are true. i also don’t want people to tell me to explore. i don’t want to explore. can somebody just help me. i’m starting to really lose hope in myself.

[Ocdwarrior]

Hello! I don't suffer from hocd. But I can definitely relate to fearing your somebody you don't want to be. When I was around 14 I started having these thots that I wanted to sexually harm ppl. Which was terrifying because I never wanted to do things like that. It was and still is really scary sometimes because it feels so real and true. But a thought is just a thought. These kind of thots don't have any power. Just like thoughts about becoming rich won't make u rich. Having thoughts that maybe your gay or bi won't make you gay or bi. If that makes sense.

Finally when I was 17 we learned I had OCD and did therapy. ERP, CBT, and ACT. It was life changing. I would highly recommend getting therapy for your OCD. It's hard but so worth it.

One big thing that helped me was/is mindfulness. When these thots and fears come to mind instead of ruminating and trying to figure out if your gay or bi, bring your attention back to whatever your doing. Instead of freaking out try saying to yourself ok there's that thot again then take a deep breath and try to focus on what your doing instead. Whether that's brushing your teeth, school work, laundry, whatever.

You are not alone! And you deserve to get better! We are here to support you!

[Marvelouslight]

Sweet girl, I am a mom and have a daughter who suffers from OCD. Recently, very similar OCD thoughts, have been sneaking up and causing my daughter to also feel uncomfortable and question who she really is and whether or not she could be gay. Please know that what your are experiencing is totally normal in the world of OCD thinking with Intrusive Thoughts. OCD plays on emotions. It is, its very attempt to get you to do exactly what you are doing. The OCD wants to control your thoughts and make you believe that they are real and true, hence as to why it is causing you so much distress. My daughter is currently using ERP (Exposure Response Therapy) to help treat her OCD symptoms and Intrusive Thoughts. If you are not familiar with this therapy, you can find many FACT filled videos and factual literature that YOU can use on your own at home. This is one of the beauties of ERP. Once the concept is understood it can be easily put into practice and when done correctly, very helpful. Of course, my suggestion would be to talk to someone specifically trained in ERP for OCD. If you are not currently in care with a Therapist who can help guide you, it may be time to talk to your mom or dad about what you are experiencing, in the hopes that they can help you get the treatment you so deserve. My biggest prayer for you in this moment is that you NEVER give up hope, realize this is OCD trying to control and take over, because that is what it does and what it does best BUT most importantly that you are o.k., a thought does not define you or sexuality. Many of us have thoughts every day that we dont like or may be uncomfortable with, the only difference is some of us are better able to take those thoughts and put them in the “junk pile” (because that’s what they are) and allow them to go straight to the dump where they belong. Remember, thoughts are just that, thoughts. Let the thought come in and let it go out, right now its like a train stuck on a track and it cant get over the obstacle so it keeps staying in your thought process which is why it is likely causing you so much distress and heartache. Let it in, let it pass and tell it to get on its way out as you KNOW it’s an unsettling thought that you will no longer give power to. I know, much easier said than done sometimes but, believe in yourself and never, ever give up. I will be praying for your peace and a release from this unsettling lie of OCD.

[Playonwords]

Hi somebodylol thank you for sharing your story in here. I can relate to what you’re talking about, I have been diagnosed with HOCD. It’s exhausting to have those thoughts all the time and feel like you don’t know yourself. I’ve recently had a flare up because of some triggers in my life and I need to get back to my ERP. ERP has helped me the most and working with a therapist who specializes in ocd. Also, it helps to know that I’m not alone when others share their stories. We’re here to support eachother!