New here

[Summer75]

Hi, my son aged 16 has moderate OCD self harm. Since May we have had three trips to hospital.I'm on edge and my heart races all the time. It's like Ican't relax since these last self harm trips...I suspect I have undiagnosed OCD but I have had a busy time with my son, and other children and haven't looked into myself.

I have an eight year old girl I homeschool also because of her anxiety. I've just got her a referral to a phycologist so that's positive. She has separation anxiety.

She got terrible nightmares when at school that I would get murdered etc.

She became worse until I homeschooled.

My son is doing well and we have some specialist exposure therapy coming up.

We are first on the weight list. He is under a team of specialists for two years now. His troubles started with separation anxiety at age four.

He has 2e as he is very smart.

I suspect I have OCD as I had anorexia and bulemia as a child/adolescent and then false memories for twelve years as an adult. The false memories were horrendous...I thought/believed I murdered someone at age four while in a satanic occult group.

I only ever have counsellors tell me I must have had abuse and to dreg it up....this is partly how I developed false memories. I struggle with perspective of whether I have been unkind or mean, failed people etc. I remember this started aged seven punching myself saying "I hate you"

I have a strong Christian faith which helps me immensely. I'm not on any medicine as yet...just supplements.

Anyway that's me, I live in semi rural NZ

[deValentin]

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry about what you have to go through, but I'm glad to hear that your children will soon receive some help.

As for dredging up some past abuse at the origin of OCD, that's not necessarily the case. I think that people with a tender conscience are vulnerable to OCD. They want complete certainty or perfection before making decisions in a certain domain. As it's rarely possible to get it, they're stuck in an endless loop: the more they try to eliminate all doubts, the more they neglect other parts of their lives, the more they feel anxious about it, the more they need to seek reassurance, etc. In my opinion, only cognitive-behavioral forms of therapy can help people break free from that loop.

I also used to punch myself as a way to cope with psychological distress. I guess it was a way to replace emotional pain by a physical one that was more bearable. It only worked for a short while though. Now, when I consider unhealthy behaviors, I tell myself, 'either you take that route and accept all the consequences of your choice, including not being able to get the sustainable peace of mind you're seeking, or you choose a different route'. This inclines me to choose the second alternative.

I'm glad you find great comfort in your Christian faith.

[Mcfly64]

My Christian faith is very important to me as well. Welcome 🙏

[Coffeelove4444]

I believe there definitely is a genetic component to most anxiety disorders. You definitely may benefit from medication. I wish you well as life is challenging but keep pushing forward. One day at a time 😀

[Mom2DnJ]

hi. Have you thought about CBT/ERP therapy for everyone…it’s life changing. Medication is also a life changing because it allows one to really do the work ERP requires to manage OCD and anxiety. Workbooks from the library/online have been so helpful. Also podcasts, Instagram OCD specialists and support groups found on the iocdf website…there are resources out there to give you the support you and your kids deserve. 🩵

[Summer75 in reply to Mom2DnJ]

Hi, thanks for your encouragement.It's extremely difficult to get the right diagnosis and help here in NZ

We only got my son help after a first suicide attempt about a year or so ago.

That is when we got the OCD diagnosis a few months later.

We have had therapy which I was told was CBT for him until his phycologist moved to Australia three months ago.

We are now waiting for another phycologist who specializes in OCD and will do exposure therapy.

He has a neurologist/phycologist oversee his care and medication every six weeks.

My son takes fluoxitine? (Prozac) 60mg a day.

His journey has opened my eyes to the fact I may have been suffering without knowing what it was. I thought I had just given myself PTSD because of the false memories I suffered. I thought it was just I had a nervous disposition.

I've got a referral for my daughter and now we wait to see if the service we call CAFS child and family services will get her in the system.

I'll take myself to the doctor and try and get a referral also, otherwise yes I may have to use online resources too.

I'll see if I can try some medicine for myself. I'm very unsure as I don't want to become worse through medicine....but as many say it helps I should overcome the nerves and try.

Thanks 👍 😊