Fears of loved ones dying *possible trigger warning*

[alyssuh]

So the monster that occupies my mind the majority of my days tells me constantly that if i don’t do certain things correctly, that someone i love (95% of the time its my mom) will die. I have to do things that hurt me from doing them extensively and i get headaches and have breakdowns because the thoughts are so unbearable. I’m so sick of thinking of certain “safe” images or doing things 5 times or doing things to pass an imaginary line that makes it feel completed...

When i’d seen a CBT therapist, we’d practiced some exposure therapy with other things i was fearing at that time, however one of them (the main one) came true, not in the way i thought it would but it still happened. And so i am ABSOLUTELY terrified of doing this therapy with the result of losing my mom or someone else i love

Does anyone else struggle with their ocd’s trigger being death of a loved one? If so how do you deal with it?

Thank you to anyone who shares!

I should also add that writing this and putting it out to the world scares the hell out of me but i got this to share and hear other people’s stories.

[Hidden]

Hi Alyssuh - I don't have this particular OCD them, but I wanted to respond to let you know I care about how much you are suffering. Are you on meds to help get your brain out of this loop?

[alyssuh in reply to Hidden]

Hey, thank you. I have been on luvox for about 4 weeks. I meet with my psychiatrist tomorrow to go over how its been and most likely have my dosage bumped up. But so far i haven’t noticed anything different. I have moments where i’ve been little by little decreasing the rituals but the anxiousness is still there, of course. The loop seems never ending :/

[Hidden in reply to alyssuh]

I'm glad you get to see your doctor tomorrow. That should help. I don't know how long it takes Luvox to work. It takes a lot of patience sometimes to find the right med. When you do find it (hopefully Luvox will work for you), you will do so much better.

[alyssuh in reply to Hidden]

Thank you very much! Fingers crossed this one works. I know i have to incorporate exposure techniques as well but its too hard right now unfortunately. In general i’m expecting any med to take at least a couple months to work

[Hidden in reply to alyssuh]

I wish you the best of luck tomorrow.

[OpieD]

Sorry for your suffering Alyssuh. That was my main obsession when I was young and struggling OCD. Mine began when I was young, and I never told a soul, and had no idea what was wrong with me. I gave in to the compulsions for years until I won the battle, and on my own. My nephew has dealt with it and been successful with therapy and anti-depressants. I know it's hard to believe but you can and will live a normal life someday, as long as you keep fighting. Listen to the real you.

[alyssuh in reply to OpieD]

That is really awesome to have beaten it! I had soooo many rituals and obsessive thoughts when i was in my teens and i was able to beat them and get over the fears it brought upon me. So sometimes i look back at how i did it without any meds or therapy but now i just can’t seem to kick some of them. I hope those methods are doing well for your nephew. It must be helpful for him to know someone close to him has also dealt with it

[philoso]

OCD targets those things which we give more importance. I had suffered from the same. The more importance we give to our loved ones the more this we will be targeted by the OCD. We should not give huge importance to such things if we want to recover from the OCD. Delay ur response to ur obsession (like doing things 5 times ) as more as possible.during this delay we realize the nature of OCD.its like meditation. It may look funny but, Believe that ur obsession will prevent mishap.but then also postpone ur obsession of doing certain things 5 time's.

[alyssuh in reply to philoso]

I agree, it is triggered by what i love the most which is unfortunate :/ but yes i do try to delay things as much as possible. It is really tough but eventually, with some things, i can get past it. Thank you

[Fargo-Guy]

I suffer from this exact OCD problem. I have to repeat actions or count things or I fear my family members will be ill or due. I am 67 and I have had it since 12. It is worst some days than others. I have taken med that helps but makes me feel bad at times. More OCD fear that med might hurt me. I have been in therapy and it just makes me more anxious. I wish I had the answer. I think medication is the only answer and I go into back on lovox or stetreline. Sorry about spelling. I am convinced the chemical imbalance in or brain is the cause. Hope my comments support you. You can have hope in that I have had this for 50 years and my 91 year and lbs mom still alive. None of my fears of death can be tied to my ocd actions. I just can stop the thoughts.

[alyssuh in reply to Fargo-Guy]

Thank you for your reply. It does help because deep down i know its all in my head yet its soooo hard when it involves the ones you love and you feel you just can’t take the risk of not doing any rituals or actions! If my thoughts revolve around me i’m like ehh its just in my head, so i try to do the same when it comes to loved ones but most of the time it just doesn’t help as much

[Fargo-Guy]

I know what you mean. I am the same. It is easier sometimes to give into simple rituals than worry but it makes no sense. I am going to try meds again as they have worked in the past for me but when I got better or had less to worry about I stopped taking them. Meds also I hope are better. The trade off of rituals vs feeling bad because of meds is a concern. I lot of people gain weight and the stops them. My wife does not understand why I do what I do. I don’t understand it either abd that does not help. I have hidden it fro

My daughter and others and had a very successful career and a radio and tv manager. With me when others would come around I could shut it down and do it when alone. That shows I can control it to some degree. I will pray for you. I pray God will free me from this pain soon. Ocd is painful to the person who suffers with it. Others just think very little about what we are doing. It is an individual problem. Sad but true. No counselor has helped me solve it. They have given me this blog which helps me meet people like you. But I am not fixed. I am however alive and living. I just pray we both find a better quality of life.

[alyssuh in reply to Fargo-Guy]

Sometimes i don’t understand it but i always come to realise its just an imbalance in my brain that sometimes i can’t naturally control and i was so put off by taking meds. But i had come to a point where it was getting dangerous and i needed something to help. It is very painful and i hope you can progress and better your quality of life as well. Thank you

[Fargo-Guy]

Trying something is the only thing that makes sense. Continuing on as we are will get the same results.

[thyroidmom84]

I have a form of this. It is always tied into numbers so if I think about something a certain number of times, something bad won’t happen to me or someone I care about. It could also be googling- if I google this horrible thing x number of times I won’t get it or my kids/mother/etc won’t get it. It’s rough. The best thing that has helped me if when I ask myself if my thought or compulsion to google something can wait until tomorrow. Then sometimes, when tomorrow comes, I am not as worried about it.

[alyssuh in reply to thyroidmom84]

Oh wow 🙁 yeah its awful to live like this. In constant fear. But that is a great technique! I have tried it a few times but there have been times where the thought was way too frightening and i’d end up feeling so sick if i didn’t do the ritual right then but i’ve forgotten about it. I will definitely try doing it again. Thank you

[thyroidmom84 in reply to alyssuh]

Good luck! I always ask my husband how he gets bad thoughts out of his head and he makes it sound so easy. I’m sure you can do it!

[alyssuh in reply to thyroidmom84]

Exactly! Others are like “i just don’t focus on it” or they just brush them off and i’m like you’re so fortunate. And thank you!

[Bellstell420]

Yes yes oh my god I’ve been living with this for over a year now... it’s my own hell. My main intrusive is also “your moms gonna die” other times it’s my dad or sisters or friends or cat or me.. or just any terrible thing possible. You’re the only person on the internet I’ve seen with this. A year later I hope you’re doing better💝 know you’re not alone with this

[Lucindita in reply to Bellstell420]

Hey, how are you now? Hope you are well! Do you have some compulsions?

[alexandraisobsessed IOCDF Advocate in reply to Lucindita]

Hi Lucindita,

I just wanted to check in since I see you’ve posted on an old thread and see if you had any questions or if you needed support.

[Hidden]

My son has this, and forms of therapy for other kinds of OCD have made it worse, because too much rides on it. We're going to try EFT tapping next. I have a program from GoZen anxiety too that I hope we'll be able to get some good tips from too. Thanks for sharing your story, I've found it so hard to find info and stories on this particular kind of OCD to help. So much luck and love. 🙏🙏

[aleksic]

Hii, just wanted to ask how you doing? Are you better now? My girlfriend has same problem. And i just have read this whole conversation in order to learn more about it and find the best way to help her. She had OCD from her second grade (when she was nine years old). Then her ocd has been going up and down, at some point she just make it out off it. But then after one two years it came back again. Now she is 17 and her "Family die worry" OCD is back for 7 months now. At first i understood it. I tried to hug her, kiss her in moments of her doing that OCD things, like, she has to do something 4, 6 or 8 times or something bad will happen to someone she loves. But than it started to grow and now she has to go to bed at 23:00 or something bad will happen. Than when sending messages every message needs to have 2, 4, 6, 8... words and it cant be odd number. She started to ask me if i can start sending messages like that. She started to put others in her OCD and for me that is very hard. If i dont do what she wonts she will not feel safe, she will worry. And at first that was okey to me. I was trying to be as good as i can. To try be there for her, talk to here, understand her... But know after 7 months i just want her to get over it. And i understand that its not going like that, its not that easy but its hard for her, its hard for me. Its just worse and worse and i just want her to be better. So if anyone can tell me how should i help her, what should i do as her boyfriend. I know that people here are talking how it is when you have ocd and how to try to overcome that but i would like to ask another question, i know its little bit mean from me but What should person that is in life of the "OCD person" do for them to be better?