Hello!

[RoseRumsby]

Hello,

My name is Evelyn, and I’m new to this group. I struggle with Rocd (relationship OCD) and also general anxiety. I’ve been seeing a CBT therapist for about a year and a half now, but still struggle with many intrusive thoughts and worry cycles! Does anyone have any tips for keeping these at bay? Anyway just thought I’d say hi

[ChristianWolff]

Hello and welcome Evelyn. Over the years I developed an conscious thought process that intercepts and analyzes intrusive thoughts, then discards them as irrelevant. There are times when my brain is busy with all that, but it works for me. Good luck.

[RoseRumsby in reply to ChristianWolff]

Hi Christian! Thank you I’ll work on that!

[cambridgeborn]

Hello RoseRumby. Ah, yes... ROCD, let me count the ways...

It is real and it is very difficult. A whole session was devoted to ROCD at last year's International OCD Conference in Washington, DC. When I obsess about a relationship my mind convinces me that the person I'm with has many, many flaws and that I could never sustain a relationship with him. I have been in and out of countless relationships because of this and I remain single after many decades, though I would truly love to have a partner. I also struggle with HOCD (homosexual ocd) which tries to convince me I might be lesbian, even though I have absolutely no inclinations in that way. This double whammy has kept me pretty lonely at times. But now that I have opened up in the last couple of years about both ocd types I am managing much better. I try not to keep my ocd a deep, dark secret. I can talk openly with a counselor or other trusted individuals. There are many good books on intimacy in relationships, mindfulness in relationships, etc. A google search should help here. I also attend Al Anon meetings for persons affected by another's alcohol abuse/codependency; I have connected the dots to realize that, for me, my father's alcoholism during my childhood planted the seeds for ROCD, or at least created a stressful enough environment at home that the seeds took root. May he RIP.

Honesty with a loving partner is very important; if a partner can try to understand the ROCD he/she will at least know what they are dealing with. Many of my former partners were left to believe that there was something flawed about them, which is sad. Take heart and we shall all find love. Sheila

[RoseRumsby in reply to cambridgeborn]

Hi Sheila! Thank you so much for your response. It’s really nice to hear that someone else does the exact same things I do. I’m 24 and in my first relationship, which is going on it’s second year right now. Luckily, my partner is very understanding, but the hard days still happen. I always secretly wanted to date when I was younger, and was very flirtatious, but never could make it past a first date. It would just be too scary for me. What’s hard is knowing what is just a “normal couple problem” and what is and ocd one. Anyway, thanks for the input!

[bab5]

Hello! Welcome to the community!

I struggle with a very similar form of OCD. I have also been seeing a CBT therapist for about a year and a half!

I, too, struggle with many intrusive thoughts.

I enjoy utilizing the “That Would Suck” method and the strategy of keeping the thoughts inside of my head without attempting to push them out in any way.

Glad to have you in the community!

[Playonwords]

Hi RoseRumsby ! I also struggle with ROCD currently and HOCD in the past. The ROCD started as partner focused and has shifted to relationship focused. It was really hard to have the ROCD and HOCD at the same time. I’ve been having an easier time with just ROCD, but it’s still distressing. The most difficult part for me is thoughts around ‘is it ROCD or just the wrong relationship’? I’ve been working on not trying to answer that question and instead focusing on reducing the OC cycle. I liked cambridgeborn comment about not keeping the OCD as a dark secret. I’m working on that too and having more acceptance.