Failure

[Ajack77]

Hi so I've just finished my 1 and only cycle of ivf. It's failed unfortunately but I didn't really respond to the treatment. My one and only egg that was retrieved did not evolve properly after fertilization. Feel like a total failure. Don't know how I will ever accept not having children. Does it get easier?? I'm dreading being back in the company of my workies who most have children and there pitying looks.

[tladapo]

Hi. I also went through my 1 and only cycle of IVF and did not respond well to treatment. It has been 3 years since I was told by consultant that the eggs they had collected had not formed properly. I found it difficult to come to terms with this and found work colleagues said things that were quite hurtful. However, I made the decision to meet up with the Kent MTL who have become a source of support when I am going through difficult times. As time has gone by it has become easier to deal with things. I would recommend meeting up with your local MTL group if you have one. It is the best thing I decided to do. You are not alone. Take care. Tracey

[pm27]

Hi Ajack77,

We ceased treatment earlier this year after 2 mcs from natural conceptions and 3 BFNs from 3 rounds of ICSI. It was initially a relief but I then entered a long time of feeling very sad. I have had some counselling which helped me cope with the grief of all the failures and resultant childlessness. It also helped me understand the grief cycle and that my reaction is normal. I've also been reading Jody Day's book. It is getting easier and I don't feel so helpless. Things still can get to me and probably always will.

You'll see that there are other posts about this.

Have you got a close friend at work who you could talk to about it and can support you when you just need to exit situations? I tend to switch off when my colleagues talk about their children and for a long time felt I had nothing to say but the counsellor questioned this thought and sometimes I chip in and it feels ok now.

[PezG]

Hi

Our 4th and final round of Isci failed 2 weeks ago and I have been really struggling since. I'm finding it very hard to come to terms with not being able to have my own children. Like you, all my work colleagues and friends have small children so I feel very isolated and totally overwhelmed by sadness. I have also started to get a lot of anxiety.

I have been to see my gp and she has put me on antidepressants to try and help me through this. She's also given me some sleeping pills as I wasn't sleeping. These are helping already and my mind is a bit clearer. I have also started counselling this week.

I'm sorry that I can't be much help but I just wanted you to know you're not alone. This is a terrible thing we are going through. I just keep holding on to the thought that things will get easier and I will feel better. It will just take some time.

Xxx

[pm27 in reply to PezG]

I'm glad you've seen your GP. I had to have sleeping tablets after weeks of insomnia after the first BFN and went onto antidepressants too. Once they kicked in they really helped. I hope the counselling helps as well. I'm off the meds and generally my sleeping is fine most of the time. Things are much better and it will get easier for you too.

[PezG in reply to pm27]

Thanks pm27. The sleeping tablets are helping and I'm waiting for the antidepressants to kick in so hopefully they will soon! Glad things seem to be going ok for you! Gives me hope. Thanks for your support x

[Welsh-barney-boy]

I can totally empathise. We had two cycles last year and both were cancelled as I didn't respond to either due to the severe damage caused by endometriosis.

People are so cruel and say things that do so much damage. I have isolated myself to avoid it all.

I'm now about to have a hysterectomy and I'm in pieces. Trying to put on a brave face, but failing.

Is there a list of where there are groups so I can find a local one? I have realised that no one understands unless they are sadly experiencing the same x

[Ajack77 in reply to Welsh-barney-boy]

Aw I'm so sorry to hear this!!big hugs to you. it's devasting and I totally agree no one understands at all. I feel like I have no one to talk to my best friend has no words to offer like she doesn't really care because she doesn't want kids. it's been over a month now for me and I thought I was getting a bit better but no it'll come back and bite you when you are not expecting it usually from people's comments etc. I'm starting to realise talking to someone would be a great idea but I also feel like an idiot. don't know what to do. try googling support groups in your area Welsh barney boy. I'm going to do the same. I hope everything goes ok with your surgery keep your chin up it has to get better xxx

[Welsh-barney-boy in reply to Ajack77]

Yeah it's totally different if you've made a decision not to have kids. I feel exactly the same, it's so isolating. All my friends have kids bar one who's chosen not to.

It's been a month since treatment or have you had surgery too?

Happy to talk if you'd like to x

[Ajack77 in reply to Welsh-barney-boy]

Just a month now since the treatment finished.

Luckily at the moment my endometriosis isn't giving me that much bother but I know it may get worse in the future.

It must be so much worse having to go through major surgery. Is your partner helping you through it?

The one good thing out of all this is my partner and I have never been closer . you realise how much you really love each other.

Message me anytime if you need a chat x

[TeapartyAlice]

Feel for you sis! That is truly difficult to see that, and significantly harder not to fall into profundities of devastating despondency. Best guidance I can offer, attempt to occupy yourself: focus on taste of tea, falling leaves, snowflakes, have a go at watching action films with a ton of effects. Simply attempt to be glad for others, I know, it is difficult...