Childless and unhappy

[Toxictomyself]

After failed ICSI IVF twice my husband and I cannot afford another round of IVF ICSI treatment. We are living childless.

My brother has just announced another pregnancy and this time he did it over the phone - unlike last time which was bloody awful-0 he handed my a cat blanket and asked me had the penny dropped- it was cruel as we haver two cats so i assumed it was a gift for my furbabies. And not to mention my sister in law told me it was almost impossible for her to conceive so i never ever expected it especially only 3 months after they were married.

And I am struggling because I work at the same place as my brother- and my family want me to be all happy. But I'm not- and my husband will never be called Dad.

It is so bad right now. And I feel completely low in my self worth. I am infertile and useless. I want to just leave my family to their happy fertile lives. How can my family not understand how much this hurts us and how not everyone is happy about their pregnancy?

They expect me to understand- how can I? I can't! And I wish they would try and understand my situation- because they are asking me to try and understand theirs!

What do I do? How do I tell my family I need them to read, research and understand why we can't be happy for them?

[Oleria24]

Sending you a really big hug x

Does the fertility clinic that you used offer counselling? We had NHS treatment and counselling was offered alongside everything. I found it really helpful - a great space to rant and crumble with someone who 'got it'. I was amazed at some of the nonsense people said to me during/after treatment and it really shone a light on people's lack of understanding. You are grieving and your loved ones should be supporting you during your time of grief.

I can sense the pain in your post and wonder if you'd consider speaking to your doctor too? Maybe even get signed off work for a bit to rest and be kind to yourself? IVF treatment is hard and unsuccessful treatment is even worse as there is so much to process...

[anonBristol]

Oh Toxictomyself I really feel for you. It's such a brutal system too that we have to pay for our treatment. A few years back I could not bear to see my little niece, the pain was so bad. And the few people I confided in would unhelpfully say things like 'there's more to life' and 'life isn't a picnic with children either' , and everyone at work seemed to be pregnant. The things that have helped me are therapy (but that's expensive too), antidepressants, and time. If it would help you, maybe do distance yourself from your family for a while. Not cut them off, but perhaps step back. It is definitely a time to prioritise your own wellbeing and be kind to yourself. Especially if other people are not going to show you the understanding you deserve. Sending you love 💜

[Librarylover]

I am so sorry for you in this situation, and really feel for you. My husband and I can’t have children, and it was so hard when his brother and wife became pregnant via ICSI, which wasn’t available to us. We nearly broke off contact with his family when I said I just couldn’t go to the christening, it was going to be too upsetting, but I wished them well. It’s hard for family to understand the pain of infertility, but I hope you find a way to stay on good terms with them, but protect yourself as well. I don’t know if it is possible for them to understand your pain. We are in the position that they feared they might be in, so they may not want to pursue that ‘path not taken’ any further - but I hope they can respect your position, without feeling guilty that they have been fortunate and you have not. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you find a way forward with your family.