More To Life
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Fertility Journey just ended and I feel lost

Hi all,

We have just ended our fertility journey and I just don’t know what to do next. After multiple failures and losses we just can’t keep going. I know it’s numbers game and I keep thinking maybe one more but my husband can’t take anymore. My marriage is important and my husband is the love of my life so this is my priority. I have started a blog to see if this helps with the healing process. failedivfmiscarriagesandmov...

What I feel more than ever is loneliness I am the only one in my friendship group without a baby. I am looking to meet new people and would love to hear how others have managed and moved forward?

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Hi Healingv29

I am so sorry for your loss. You have been through so much and I can tell from reading your blog you are a very strong person supporting others in work at this time. I too have just reached the end of my fertility journey, I am in the situation where I am the only one of my friends without a baby and would like to meet new people. Would be interested in what you come up with and I am here if you want to chat. X

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Hi Healingv29 this is such a difficult time, if you would like to talk to me please get in touch by email and we can arrange a call next week. I am hoping to put together a series of podcasts around this subject, interviewing a number of people to learn how they made their decision, just to give people an insight into it which will hopefully help them to make their own decision in turn. I'm just not sure how soon this can be done though.

In the meantime, we are holding an event on Saturday 17th February in London for the MTL community. If you are able to come along at all it would give you a chance to chat to others, face to face, and talk about this.

My email is cat@fertilitynetworkuk.org.

Stay in touch,

Cat

PS Lottie_cloud you would be very welcome to arrange a chat and also come along to the event too, please do get in touch.

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I'd call that a benevolent move and should be a great support programme! Yes, women who are struggling with the same situation can make so much difference to ease up and make TTC failures bearable. I remember that's pretty much why I joined the forum. Needless to mention, the first-hand experiences, discussion have added so much to my information base. God Bless You!

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Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear about your ordeal! :( Fertility struggles are never easy and yes it's a number game for sure - the only thing that can guarantee any success is not giving up. I'll suggest the same.. take a break to come to terms with your grief, heal yourself emotionally and resume TTC. A childless life unless it's a chosen one is a lifetime torment, not sure you can put up with that. If it's about finances, you can consider reproductive tourism ... that has been helping a lot of women like yourself. I recently came across a blog like yours but then it has changed from the pain and devastation to a success story wheresmystork.com.

Take a look if you wish, maybe you'll find some hope and strength to not give up on TTC... Wish you all the luck in the world!

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Hi!

We finished our journey just over a year ago and the best advice I would give anybody is just feel whatever you feel and give yourself time and space to do that. I went nuts at first reading self help books, doing mindfulness activities, basically trying to fast forward the grieving process as it is so horrible- but when I actually just allowed myself to feel sad and know I had every right to feel this way it started to feel a bit easier. And it does get easier as time goes on. I felt lost too- my identity as a woman was a tough thing to get my head around. We are the minority in everyday life and it’s flipping unfair! Counselling is fabulous, and I have just finished CBT which has also been wonderful. Blogging is a great idea!

I am glad that I stopped “trying” and felt that although I desperately I wanted (and do want) to be a Mum, I wanted my marriage and my health more. It really takes it toll on everything. There are many who continue to try and succeedd, but I felt I needed to keep perspective and remember there are many who do not. That’s a hard and very personal decision to make as a couple I think.

I try to enjoy what I do have - which is my health, a wonderful husband, a lovely lifestyle and beautiful dogs! I allow myself to feel sad and whatever other emotions come each day now. It really really does get better with time and the acceptance of life being different to how you expected it to play out. Sending lots of thoughts your way. Xxxx

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