Karma

[Everhopefulnottooold]

Hey ladies

New to this community and have been diagnosed as unexplained infertility....

I'm 36 now and after nearly 2 years of actively trying, nothing is happening. All tests come back as both of us ok.

Only met my partner 'later' in life and decided very soon after getting together that this was it and we wanted children to enhance our lives together. He's an amazing man and I love him very much.

When I was younger, I actively sought to NOT become pregnant. spent most of my younger years on either the depo injection or the pill.

Kinda glad I didn't get pregnant then as had very abusive, nasty relationships and glad I didn't inflict any of that on any children. HOWEVER, I feel like karma has come to bite me in the butt by my lack of children now.

NHS won't help with IVF as treatment wasn't started before my 35th birthday (would of been impossible as guidelines state all tests must be completed and at least 1year of trying must be undertaken before being considered) and only met my partner a few months after my 34th birthday. Self funded IVF is not an option for us as we could not afford the potential £10k, in the short time frame we have with my age, it would cost to be successful.

So now we are left trying to come to terms with the fact that we probably won't ever have children. My partner is amazing with kids and I am struggling with the guilt of holding him back too... he's 10 years younger than me... do you stop being selfish and let them go or stay together and make him miss out too??

Feel very 'alone' and lost in the world as everyone around me has their children and don't feel like I fit anywhere anymore...

sorry for the long post, just trying to reach out to anyone that may have some wise words for me xx

[Katybetter]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can definitely relate to this. We also have unexplained infertility. I actually told my husband to leave me in one of my, many, 'breakdowns'. But you're in this together. It's really important to remember that! What happens happens to both of you. The fact that they didn't find anything means it's no ones fault. If they thought your age was a factor they would have said. My instinct is to tell you it might happen one day but I know how unhelpful that is! It's the most pain I've ever felt & I'm looking forward to the day I've come to terms with it.

[Everhopefulnottooold in reply to Katybetter]

Thank you Katybetter... Have you tried IVF? I played the lottery tonight so fingers crossed lol thank you for stopping by and your kind words xx

[Katybetter in reply to Everhopefulnottooold]

We are waiting to see if we qualify for treatment but it's not something I want to do. Even if I wanted to, I'm not strong enough to go through that. We're just trying to accept it's not going to happen for us. We are young, all my friends are having their firsts and my husbands friends are having their second child. So I'm hoping the announcements will be over in the next few years...

[Everhopefulnottooold]

It's hard as we are extremely happy for people when they make their announcements but also very very sad for us... xx

[Hidden]

Hi, I was really sorry to read your post. It seems ivf treatment is so different across the country. I live in Stockport and after an awful experience with the NHS in Manchester i applied to our local CCG for private funding in January 2016. I did my first treatment, paid by the NHS in a private hospital on my 36 birthday. So i am so surprised and saddened to hear this age is apparently too old where you live. In some councils they won't do ivf till you are this age. It seems very unfair.

We also have unexplained infertility. We tried for 7 yrs and two attempts of ivf and one miscarriage later... i am still picking up the pieces and working oit what to do. There is a place in Manchester that do 3 rounds of ivf/ICSI and if they don't work they give you your money back. But i have no idea how you have the emotional strength to do it.

I have just found this journey so hard. And am very grateful there is a forum like this where other women understand this pain xxx

[Everhopefulnottooold in reply to Hidden]

Hi Fuzzy_winker... it really is a postcode lottery. I appealed to my CCG to overturn the ruling given that I have never really asked for help from the government before and I can't be the only one that has met the 'right' person later in life... they stuck by the decision but told me I could take it further if I wanted to. I have contemplated this, writing to my mp etc but I just think it's a lot of fight for something that they still probably won't change. And if for any reason, we can afford IVF in the future, I need all the fight left in me for that.

It is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with but it does help to speak with people that understand. Everyone else I know has their children and, as much as they try, they don't get it ... xx

[Hidden]

It is such a fight and it doesn't seem right that at your most vunerable you have to fight for this. Many councils are cutting IVF completely from their funding. It took me two years after my first dealing with the NHS to have the courage to fight the system, and I wish I hadn't lost those yrs. It seems utterly ridiculous that they can turn down your claim. Last year out of 34 CCG requests only 14 were chosen in our area. I would be very interested to see who got it and who didn't and why. It was one of the reasons I moved house in the end, to get away from being in the catchment area for Manchester hospitals.

You have to fight for treatment, fight to keep your relationship and sex normal, fight to get appointments,fight to get back results, fight to get the right advice, fight back the tears from insensitive friends and family, fight the maternal clock. Its no wonder you are emotionally ans physically at the end of yourselves through this fight. And the worst of it is the fight is not understood and invisible to most people.

x

[lisababy]

Pain is all over. In spite of it we have hope and are able to smile and keep going. I understand all your pain because I am going throught. I have had multiple miscarriages. Now neither have physical or psycological strength to face more failures. I have just found that there are alternative options available. Like the fertility clinics and treatment centers in Ukraine. I have heard good reviews on this country and what they offer. Seems tempting in terms of the services, pricing and guaranteed results. Has anyone here thought of the Surrogacy option? Please share your view....

[Everhopefulnottooold]

I have also briefly looked into fertility clinics abroad but would need to research more. Initial thoughts are I would probably feel better doing something so invasive in a country I am familiar with, not somewhere I do not know. Not sure about surrogacy.. it's awkward as we don't know why it's not happening. If it was due to poor egg quality or an 'inhospitable' environment then we could figure it out-whether that be egg donation or surrogacy.. it is painful-today is a very bad day for me... very sad face xx