Starting afresh...

[Islandt1979]

Hi all

I'm very new to this site and found out about it after reading the last chapter in a book called 'IVF, an emotional companion' and it seemed like such a great idea to try and get in touch with people for whom IVF did not end the way everyone expects. I've had 2 failed IVF cycles (last one failed in March this year as well) and been trying for 4 years. In my case, it's me who has the problem, ovaries going into early retirement with really rubbish hormones and irregular ovulation and a very mixed up anatomy (2 uteruses, 2 cervixes, 1 vaginas after surgery to remove the septum) so I keep feeling that I've let everyone down!

My husband and I finally decided to stop trying about 2 weeks ago and I've been yo-yo-ing emotionally since then. We thought we'd join up here as a way to meet others who have had the same experiences and are trying to move on.

I know it's going to be tough but we've started thinking about the future without being parents and are getting used to it. It takes time! I'd really like to hear from others who have also made the decision to walk away and find out what happened next.

Thanks

Isla

[lc01sw]

Hi 🙋 Isla, I haven't been through IVF myself I had a hysterectomy in 2011 after suffering each month with excruciating pain caused by having fibroids and polycystic ovaries which was difficult enough to deal with emotionally but you try and think of the positives to not having children eg going on holiday,eating out, but you never get over it just try and come to terms with it. What area do you live in? You could do with meeting up with other people.

[Islandt1979 in reply to lc01sw]

Thanks for replying so quickly and sorry to hear you had to have an early hysterectomy, must've been tough. We live in the west Midlands and would really like to meet some people who've had to accept child free living. I know there's lots of benefits, it's just telling everyone that seems to be quite difficult at the moment!

[lc01sw in reply to Islandt1979]

I live in North Manchester so not near to you,but if you get in touch with head office they will be able too put you in touch with regional contact for that area,has I know they did have a few members as me and my husband have met up with them a few times. Hazel used to be the lead contact but she stepped down from that. Hope that is helpful for you?

[Hidden]

Hi Isla....Sorry to hear about your hard journey. Our last cycle of ivf ended in march this year too....So i understand your heartache and disappointment. It's been a pretty up and down journey since. And I have decided to give myself a break from everything for a few months.

There is an ap called meetup which is white handy finding gateway childfree women in your area. I found that helpful and also reading Jody days book. But there are no easy routes down this rocky road. Just make sure you have some good friends to journey with you.

Xxx

[Islandt1979 in reply to Hidden]

Hi, thanks for taking the time to reply and suggest some options for what happens next! I'll have a look at the app and see if I can track down the book you mention. Yep, supportive friends definitely help, just wish I had some child free ones! Xx

[pm27]

It's such a hard decision to make and certainly wasn't one that I ever imagined we'd have to make. It's still very early days for you. I initially felt a sense of relief after we decided to stop treatment last year. I then felt very sad for a long time and was able to access some counselling about 6 months later. I've read some of Jody Day's book. All of these things plus time has helped. There are still times when comments, everyday situations etc get to me but the hurt is not as raw as it was.

I too felt I had let my hubby and others down and he had also thought it too. This is our brains trying to rationalise what has happened, whilst our brains are great they don't always help us. These ate thoughts not actual reality! Hope that makes sense.