The worst news 😭

It's my first time on the group today I had a phone call from from my consultant telling me the worst news ever. I can't really remember it apart from the bit where he told me that I have a zero chance of having a baby my egg score is 0.4 when having ivf it should be minimum between 6 to 16 even with the strongest drugs my chance of getting just one egg is as close to zero as you can get. He didn't expect this result so when we went to see him it was never mentioned he was shocked as well . I feel so uncontrollably sad I've been crying all day he did say he was booking us a appointment to see him and go through results and options . My boyfriend wants me to tell my sister so I have support but we've never told anyone the struggle we have had even getting this far we have always brushed the "when are you having a baby " comments away for the last 6 years 😩 I feel like such a failure 😭 I'm only 34 and I'm infertile

12 Replies

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  • Hi Danny

    So sorry, you're not a failure though. The pain of Infertility is extreme (IMHO) and I liken it to be ripped apart in a centrifuge. I need to go to work but will try to reply in a more substantial way. Be kind to yourself and your other half. Take care

  • Hi. I can't believe they told you over the phone, not knowing if you had support.

    It's devastating to receive such news, and unless you've unfortunately been in the same position, no one can understand exactly how devastating it is.

    You're not a failure, I thought the same. Nothing you have done has caused this. I was the same age as you when we were told that my endo had caused so much damage we would never have our own children.

    Telling your sister will be hard, but it helps for people close to know as they can support you.

    It never goes away, but it does get a little easier. I'm still only at the start of accepting my childless situation, and have made lots of decisions about who knows different info, as people think it's their right to know everything. I've actually taken quite a sadistic pleasure in not sharing with them, as I know they're desperate to know, not because they care but because they want to gossip.

    Hope things get easier xx

  • Hi again

    Glad Welsh Barney replied, I would second all that. There is just a lack of understanding about how this affects people... I imagine positive testing for cancer wouldn't be delivered over the phone, given its magnitude, and Infertility is a serious, life changing illness, so should be handled with care! If someone hasn't been in the situation they just don't understand, I felt like our whole life went up in smoke in an instant...... You need time to let everything sink in and space to discuss with however you feel can help you..... Pls keep posting if you feel it helps. Wish you all the best whatever happens going forward.

  • You're not a failure at all. None of us should feel like a failure. I know how you feel though! But we are all more than that

  • Hi Danny,

    sending you a big hug. We all share your pain and sadness because we all know how it sadly feels...The brokeness, the utter grief and shock. 😥

    I have gradually told more and more people who I trust over the years and it's so hard because not everyone knows how to handle this news.

    The easiest way for me is to firstly send a message...At the end i send a link to a blog. It's called salt water and honey and has a page called how to help. It gives 10 things friends and family should and shouldn't do and has been so helpful in sheilding me from painful comments.

    I have also had counselling to help with the pain of 7yrs of struggling with Infertility. It's a huge silent burden and you will need to find ways to grieve in time.

    One thing that counselling has shown me is how much I had wrongly blamed myself....Without realising it we put so much pressure on ourselves. Have more sex, have less sugar, have ur legs in the air, blah blah bloody blah. You are not to blame, your are not responsible for your fertility. And the freedom that comes when we acknowledge this is so kind to ourselves.

    Sending you love and hugs xxxx

  • I don't think I'll ever forget that time when I was told the news that there was a less than 1% chance my own eggs would ever produce a baby.

    Just typing it brings a tear to my eye.

    I don't know what it is I remember about the information being given because it just felt like white noise at the time.

    It took me a while but when I was claiming we couldn't have a family my husband reminded me - we can just not the normal way.

    Has your consultant talked about other options? x

  • Hello thanks for taking the time to post x yes we are going to try and go down the egg donor route. We have had some conversations my bf and I and we think we are going to try my twin as the donor then if not try a anonymous source.

  • It's a huge step to make that decision. And if your twin works out then that will be great. We wrangled for ages about anonymous or not. Eventually agreed that we wanted to be open and honest with any child. Bur now, because of various reasons we're going abroad for egg donation. And it's anonymous! So even if we tell our baby now they can't find out! All that energy I wasted coming to term with that they might meet the donor and I didn't even know people went abroad. I'll give you a follow back. Feel free to msg me. I start DE IVF in a few weeks xx

  • Hello, this is more appropriate on the Fertility Network UK forum not here on MTL - MTL is for those facing the challenges of childlessness - not those still pursuing treatment/alternative options of having a family.

  • Hello thanks I joined the forum and wrote the above here because that's where the app took me X I've not posted here since having a play about with the app and I've also emailed the app developer with a couple of suggestions because the app could work better with a few updates x

  • Hi danny137 - are you able to post the link on how you joined so I can check this out and please do contact Health Unlocked directly if you have any other questions. Thanks, Hannah

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