So, this is my first post regarding my infertility journey. The only people that know about my position are my husband, one friend and the infertility clinic.
My hubby and I have been trying for our first child pretty much since we got married four years ago. We have gone through many investigations and procedures and I have been diagnosed as having PCOS and my husband had a varicocele (a type of varicose vein in the testicle) which he has undergone surgery for.
Since starting our journey I've started to feel so inadequate and like my body just can't do what it's supposed to do. Both my sister in laws got pregnant at the same time (one by accident), several of my friends have become pregnant and had their babies, one sister in law had another baby (again by accident), someone at work got pregnant (of course again by accident) and now I am stuck at work doing all her work alongside my own while she's off enjoying motherhood.
To top it all off I also have 2 other friends who constantly moaned about being infertile. But wait....they already both have 1 child each. Now I'm not saying they don't have a right to be upset in their own way, but I just feel too sorry for myself and my own childless situation to lend any sympathy to them. One of these ladies has since fallen pregnant and now I have to put up with listening to her talk all about it. My other friend can't stand it because of her situation, but I just sit in silence because I haven't discussed it with any of my friends (except 1 who went through IVF and was in the same boat), and I don't really want to talk about it with them, because I know they will just make the situation about them. I also haven't told any family. I just want to keep it private between me and my husband as much as possible.
To top it off over these years I have constantly been asked when I am going to have kids. This dramatically increased when we moved and all I heard was 'ooh this would make a nice nursery' or 'plenty of room for kids to run around in the garden' and of course I just let it slide but I was just left in floods of tears every time. One of my sister in laws also can't help but constantly enquire about when I'm gonna have kids and when her kids are gonna get cousins, and I just laugh it off and walk away. But what I want to do is shout at her, tell her to mind her own business and storm off. The last time she did it was on Christmas day...i was broken. It's hard enough without someone bringing it up. I know I haven't told people my situation...but hey please use a bit of common sense and don't vocalise your stupid questions. I have never and would never question anyone about when they are going to have children, and the thought of doing it makes me feel uncomfortable, disrespectful and rude. I'm just sick of being interrogated. I wish they would all just stop!
Maybe it's just me but I'm just sick if it all. The constant questions, other people thinking they are in a bit situation when they have no idea of mine...i just want to scream.
Sorry, I just had to vent. That's 4 years worth of pent up frustration coming out. I could give you more but I fear you've already stopped reading the long list of moans.
If you're in a similar situation I'd like to discuss it, I'm hoping this might help me finally find some sense of peace on the matter (or at any rate not feel as much of a failure as I do)
Thanks for listening xxx