Attachment Theory

Thanks to secondhandrose (Sue) I have re discovered attachment theory. Naturally having a back ground in psychology I have studied this before but never thought it could ever apply to me.

However since it has been highlighted to me I have been doing a bit of back ground reading and thanks to my student status I can access journal articles around adult attachment and relationships which i plan to read over time as they are lengthy. Going to get a book out of the uni library when i get back and may buy a few.

It really does make alot of sense, but never thought things that have happened in my past could possibly have this much impact on my life now. However this seems the most obvious answer now. Me and my mum just thought it was normal and I suppose it is BUT its how it impacts each person in the long run.

I mean i was (and still am) very attached to my mum, this may have happened because of my dad wasnt a nice person, angry and unpleasant most of the time (wasnt abused or anything). I didnt want to leave her to go school, i didnt want her to go to work (this was from about the age of 4 till about 6 prehaps?) and when i got into my teens i sometime used to have panic attacks if i was at a mates house at a sleep over and i would have to go home and say i was ill!

Thankfuly my dad left when i was 12 and i was so happy, so its all a bit strange how ive never realised all this may have had an affect on me!

Natually im really interested in this topic anyway but i was wonering if anyone else had looked into this themselves or in therapy?

my natural reaction is to just start researching to find the answer...and i would like to deal with why i seem to have dependancy issues and get into the same long term relationships.


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4 Replies

  • I wrote a massive reply and my iPad crashed!

  • U say u wasn't abused but witnessing u dads horrid behaviour IS abuse. People who have mum's who reverse the primary Carer role and rely on their children to meet their needs emphasis on their needs are actually perhaps inadvertently damaging the child's sense of safety which undoubtedly impacts on emotional well being. Good luck. I too, have had to unscramble shit from childhood and reassess the mother I thought was "perfect". I guess at the end of the day we do our best as parents but perhaps due to inner turmoil or the situation we find ourselves in the care and importantly the relationship becomes unhealthy impacting on mental health! Love n peace. Jeannie

  • PS. Interested to hear what's in the journals!!!!!

  • Hi

    I'm glad you're beginning to find it relevant to your situation. Understanding things usually helps deal with the emotions.