Newbie here

[Laney34]

Hi I'm elaine

I'm a mum of 4 and I lost my dad in September 2015 and then my grandad (my dads ) in august 2016, I've been off and on in violent relationships for 14 years and I'm not wanting help

[chloe40]

Hi Laney,

Welcome to Action on Depression, we are a very friendly Forum and I'm sure you will be welcomed by our members shortly.

Chloe

[Laney34 in reply to chloe40]

Thank you x

[jennyjolly]

Hi laney,

You say you don't want help..is that with the violent relationships or the depression etc?

I've had around 30 years off and on violent relationships

And my friend who didn't get/ want help is not here now thanks to her

psychopathic husband and her children are now in care

Hope you get the help/advice you need on this site.

[Laney34 in reply to jennyjolly]

I'm really sorry I ment I want help sorry

[jennyjolly]

Hope we can give you the support/help you want Laney

[sweetiepye]

Hello Laney, Sometimes when really devastating things happen to us it causes us to take stock of our lives. Maybe that's what is happening to you now. It could be that you will make a positive change out of this negative, meaning the death's of your Dad and Grandad. Your immediate problem as I see it, is leaving this violent relationship, getting your kids to a safe place. This is a volatile time and if you are leaving just do it,,,,,,, don't talk about it first. that will only give him time to stop you. you should seek advice from a women's shelter. Stay safe, Pam

[jennyjolly]

abusesanctuary.blogspot.co

This is a very helpful site to understand all the aspects of abusive relationship

To make very sure it never,ever happens again.

[WhiteAlice]

Laney, I'm leaving a volatile relationship, too. It doesn't help when people you love, who may have supported you, are gone. Oh, what I would give to have my mother here for her shoulder to cry on!! I still tell her. I'm pretty sure she's listening. We'll listen to you. Being a single mom is scarey, too, but it's got a peace that you won't find in the turmoil of a bad relationship. Are you working? Can you afford a place with your 4? We're here for you.

[Hidden]

Hi, really sorry about your dad and grandad. I lost my dad 9 years ago next week and it takes time a lot of time. Also everyone grieves differently so you have to do this in whatever way gets you through.

As far as the abusive relationships go there is hope. I was in a very bad abusive relationship with my daughters dad. He still trys to control me now, even after 14 years but I simply block him out now and won't let him. I am now happily married with 2 more children and have been with this man 10 years. I would say it's important to recognise the type you usually go and go for the opposite, go for someone with similar views and values to yourself. Take loads of time to get to know someone as a friend before you commit and look out for those little signals or warning signs that we often bury away, stay clear of you see any. But also work on yourself first so you don't get into any relationship until your head is in the right place. These types of people tend to latch onto you when you are down and vulnerable and then just make everything a hundred times worse. Don't disclose to men that you were in abusive relationships in the past until you know them fully also as that can sometimes be a green light for those that are. I hope things get better for you and just keep posting as everyone will do their best to help. Abuse has a deep negative impact on us for years after and I still to this day get flash backs but put yourself first and believe that you are worth a lot more and someone out there is waiting to show you just that. Take it easy x

[Laney34]

Thanks everyone for your positive comments

I've had a few rocky days but I'm getting there thank you all again xx