Why can't you just pull yourself together!?

People just don't understand that my behaviour can change according to my mood. Sometimes I just want to sleep or isolate myself from my family. This is also true with regards to ansering the phone, speaking to people when I bump in to them etc. I make myself isolated because i think I am nit good enough or that others are talking about me. My mother in law and partner tell me to just pull my self together. I know!!!!!!!!! I just can't!!!


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6 Replies

  • It's bad enough suffering from depression, and made worse when the people around you don't understand it. I'm without my wife for the same reasons. What i should have done, a long time ago, is admit my depression and explain it to those around me.

    Your M-i-L and your Partner are still around you, so you have a chance to explain. Try going to the NHS website where depression is explained in matter of fact clinical terms, and show your partner where the symptoms and issues are relevant to you. They obviously love you and want you to be better, but unless they understand your illness they won't know how to help.

    Your children too need to know. Mine are 10,8 and 6 and I've explained that Daddy has an illness that makes him sad and tired a lot, but he is going to get better. They have been brilliant at understanding and helping in lots of little ways, and in fact have probably saved my life. Yours will too, if you open up to them, I'm sure.

    Good luck, and lots of love

  • Hi

    Don't I just know the feeling, I was just busy grieving about something and actually wanted to stay in the feelings because I was writing to someone about them, but although I said really gently to my husband he still walked out in a huff!

    You have a right to be alone if that's what you feel a need for.It's the fact that you say you can't that is a problem and stops other people understanding. When you feel you need to withdraw, why not just say you are not feeling sociable and would like some time to yourself but that later on when you feel better you will ring them, or whatever. That way you are assertive and get what you want and other people get the chance of understanding what you actually feel. If then they don't understand that's there problem, and you have every right to tell them so. You don't have to justify who you are and what you feel to anyone. I gues the only exception is when children need you, because then their needs come first.


  • It's so hard when people don't understand isn't it? I get days when I don't even want my children speaking to me (not too many of those thankfully!) as for the phone, I rarely answer it. It's meant I don't have many friends these days, but hey ho!

  • If we could just ' pull ourselves together' wouldn't we do just that. Who wants to feel stressed and anxious everyday???? If only it were that simple. We would love to be 'normal' but it ain't that easy. All the best to you.xx

  • Hi there, I think everyone deserves a bit of me time, I live alone but last year I had my bossy older sister staying with me for 10days in a small apartment. I had to tell her at least every day that I had to lake a snooze for half an hour. I just needed that time without her nattering on and pooh poohing how I was so delicate blah blah.

    On the other hand I never felt people were talking about me etc, so maybe thats something you need to look at, maybe your meds are not keeping your symptoms under control, so please tell your GP this, also people vary in how much private space they need, I know I need my space, or I get stressed, so dont feel guilty. Please look after yourself and take care.

    Kind regards


  • There are ignorant, get some leaflets from MIND, To be honest family have been with you for a long time, and sometimes they are least able to understand, but cope the best way you can, just be true to youreself. The isolation is typical. not wanting to answer the phone is another, my gran used to do the gardening, at night,, they used to make fun of her,,I now know why,, she didnt like being with people. I didnt like people seeing me as I was then,,, to how I used to be,, and talk to me, I had difficulty stringing a sentance together. You deal with it how you can, sleep if you need to sleep, its your bodys way, of getting better. Some people suffer from extream fatigue syndrome. If this feeling goes too long, then see your doctor for either looking at the dose, or changing it, meds that is.

    Do what you have to do to get better.

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