How long have I had depression?

[Colin37]

I understand I have mild depression. I have been looking online about depression and found that some of the symptoms I have, I have had for a very long time. So have I been depressed for 20 odd years or do I really have a bad attitude.

[Cleaner]

It is possible that you have had depression for 20yrs. I have had depression on and of since I was 12 I am now 51 and still get it. So please don't think that you have a bad attitude although it can feel like that. Sorry I haven't given you any good advice I find it hard to write it down.

[Colin37 in reply to Cleaner]

Thank you for your reply. I also find it difficult to write it down, also to say it. It's taken me over 15 mins for this thank you. I think someone saying it can be that long has comforted me.

[missrat]

I agree with Cleaner - depression can continue for many years before diagnosis. Also, there is a condition called dysthymia, which is chronic low-grade depression, with minimal let-up and periodic exacerbations.

It is well worth seeing your GP to see what help is available.

Ann

[Colin37 in reply to missrat]

Thank you for your reply. I have looked up Dysthymia. I have looked at the symptoms and I match 6 out of 6 symptoms that were on the website. So will be asking my GP about this.

[Catharsis]

Hi Colin37,

I understand how you must be feeling; you may not believe me when I say 'I get it' because, if I was in your position (which I have been) I wouldn't profess that people really understood my feelings. I perhaps would have looked online, as you have been doing, and I would have believed that I had all the answers there in my own head.

Not to detract from the emotions that you are experiencing, I can admit here that I have been experiencing acute stress for a chronic period of time. We're not just talking a matter of months - it's possibly been years. I surmise that most people experience acute stress. I still believe that. I believed it so strongly that I underplayed my responses to my feelings. Sometimes I thought it was just a menstrual thing (which it probably could have been). But, undeniably, there were other issues that caused / cause me acute stress. These things wear me down and affect my mood.

Recently I have had a terrible attitude. Well, on reflection, I would suggest that catharsis is to blame. I've been having short bursts of intense anger and frustration, and this affects the people around me. Repression came first, then catharsis came shortly behind - and now the short bursts explode uncontrollably.

To avoid upsetting people, I recognise, now, that it's important to seek help. I wouldn't have gone to my GP before. I'm serious, I despise going to the doctor - perhaps more than most people, because I often associate that environment with emotional stress. I hate injections, I feel nauseous in hospitals, and I react physiologically when I'm in them. Anyway, I had my mum come along with me to the GP, and it helped very much. I found that all the repressed anger was released, and I felt sorry for the doctor (who received a lot of the pent-up emotion).

The same will be happening today, when I consult with a psychologist to explain my feelings. I'm feeling not too concerned about it. It should just be a simple chat.

The thing is: how can we really know how long "depression" effects us? I've put the word in inverted commas because I'm starting to suspect the idea that depression cannot be fought. I'm starting to suspect the so called 'strength' of the malaise, and I'm starting to believe that it's a matter of changing the way in which you think.

Of course, this is not done just like that. I hit a wall when I attempted to alter my thought processes, because I realised that thinking about thinking sends you into cyclical depression. There are small things that stop me from thinking at all (like writing... anything really). But talking with other people seems to work a lot as well and that seems to be the most obvious point, and I never really accepted it myself. But that's probably the best advice I can give.

Catharsis.

[Colin37 in reply to Catharsis]

Thank you for your reply. I will be reading your reply many times. Your last paragraph, has connected with many feelings. As I feel I am in that place, spot, frame of mind at this moment in time. So you get a hug with your thank you.

[Colin37]

Thank you all for your reply's. Having someone reply has helped me feel better. And I have along way to go too understanding more. I will be reading them again and again.