I think I have depression

[Veendmilo]

I know I have a gambling addiction currently and I have been addicted to lots of things in the past. My grandfather and mother passed away pretty close to the same time about 6 years ago. My mom died of an "accidental" drug overdose on prescription meds. I have been extremely depressed and have been drinking and gambling to excess, which makes everything worse. Lately, I have started to pick up on men in the casino where I go, even though I have only been with women for the last 26 years (I am female). One night, about 3 weeks ago, a really beautiful, young guy in the casino came on to me and I decided to try making out with him and I liked it , so I found another guy the next night, and another one last night. They all say how how I am sexy or hot or a great kisser or pretty so I feel light and desired and wanted and it gives me a high and it is like a new drug to me. Meanwhile, I keep losing every penny I have I the casino and drinking too much and I am filled with shame and self-dislike (or hatred). My mother screwed my life over....pedophile step-dad, on drugs, she thought I needed her too much, she cared way more about herself and her men than me. Never met my dad. I am in my 16th year of teaching high school. A few of my friends know how much I suffer and only 2 know how out of control I really am. I want to go back to the casino tonight, pick up on some guy and feel loved/desired for a few hours but I won't cause I am really broke. I believe I have a long depression with these manic gambling compulsions. What should I do?

[Photogeek]

Hi oh dear you do seem to have a lot of issues. You say that you are a high school teacher, so I presume you are fairly intelligent.

You mention many complex problems here, and ask what you should do?

My advice if any is to do the only sensible thing you can do

1. Get help for your problems quick before things escalate out of hand

2. There is tons of support out there if you want to change, only you can

Make the ultimate choice to change.

Good luck

Hannah

[Suzie40]

Have you ever considered you might have bipolar disorder?

[Photogeek in reply to Suzie40]

Good morning Lucy how are things in Wales ? Any plans for today?

Hannah x

[Suzie40 in reply to Photogeek]

Hi Hannah!

Katie is going to see her Dad today and I am taking my sister for lunch to thank her for sitting with me all morning at the hospital yesterday! How about you? X

[Photogeek]

Lucy .

Catching up on a bit of housework and washing machine us busy. Meeting up

With friend later.

Bit tired n not even sure, woke up in rotten pain, so lashed down the painkillers.Glug ! Glug!

Enjoy your lunch Lucy.

Xx

[RMB398]

HI there

I agree with photogeek in that you should try to get some help. I've had depression for years and for a very long time I didn't get any help at all which looking back only prolonged the problem. I know it can be hard to take that first step but in a way, by posting on here, you have done that so now it's time for the 2nd step which again is only little but all part of the bigger journey.

You say that a couple of your friends know how difficult things are at the moment. I'm sure they will help and support you - as will people on this site. I found that taking a friend with me when I first went to the drs really helped loads. I was so distressed at the time I could hardly speak properly let alone explain my situation clearly so having someone there was invaluable.

It's only suggestions but you will know what's right for you.

Take care

Ruth

[Photogeek in reply to RMB398]

Hi Ruth

Yes taking that first step is the hardest thing. I know myself

It's awfully hard, but as you say this Forum is great for support

And kindness too. I was a bit worried I was a bit bossy with the

Last Poster. But I usually try to be straight and honest with them,

I try and view it as if a friend were asking me for advice.

Hope your day is going well Ruth, it's A lovely Biblical name .

Hannah x

[RMB398]

Thanks photogeek. Good day for me ta. Hope you met up with your friend ok and you weren't too tired. I can really relate to that one.

& hi again Veendmilo, how's your day gone? Hope it's been ok.

All the best to all.

Ruth

[WantToChange]

You sound like you really do have addiction issues.

I left the PGDE course so didn't make it into teaching which I'm actually quite glad of. How do you cope with being a teacher and this life style you have?

I fear you are becoming addicted to sex as well - the attention it brings. I think you need to speak to a therapist so maybe go to your doctor? Do you think the pressure of your job is getting to you and you need better ways to cope with it?