Lonely in a crowded room.....

[miserables]

I keep coming on here to read other peoples blogs but dont put much on here myself. Im not sure really what to say??? i suppose i hoped there would be a quick and easy answer to make my happiness come back again- it been so long im rarely sure what it even like.

From a day to day basis i feel constantly tired, have no appetite at all- today ive had half a tuna sandwich only- i know i must eat i have a young son to look after but all i want to do is sleep and shut myself away from the world. i have previously self harmed but havent done so in over 2 years. Is this strange that i am now having suicidal ideas (NOT PLANS) rather than self harming again?? its pretty confusing...............

[Hidden]

Hi Miserables

I dont know much about self harming but I am glad you dont do it any more.

I have had suicidal thoughts many times myself but I know I could never do it to my family or leave my son without a Mum.

I still get a few down days but not as much as before. Maybe you should speak to your GP you may need your Anti Depressant increased or changed.

I'm sorry I cant help you anymore.

Luv & Hugs

Jackie xx

[missrat]

I'd agree with Jac. I've been in both situations, with self-harm problems (minor) and suicidal thoughts. These urges are much more common when I am tired - in fact one website uses the following HALT acronym for things that make our urges worse:

Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired - to which I'd also add Ill (even with a cold) or in Pain.

One thing, therefore, is to try to avoid these things as far as possible - especially by eating properly. I've also made a 'comfort box', and a pouch I can use if away, to stimulate my senses:

Smell - rose scent (for me - also clove oil!)

Sound - calm music (for me classical or Christian instrumental)

Touch - some soft, furry material - also, not in the box, my pet rats!

Taste - crystalised ginger

Sight - photos of pets etc.

Mental stimulation - a book of humorous misprint cuttings etc.

- a book of simple crosswords

- a simple book - e.g. Chronicles of Narnia series

I've also drawn up a list of numbers I can call - two friends, a couple of prayer lines, the Samaritans, a local mental health line, NHS Direct, GP and out-of hours GP As a last result I could go to Accident and Emergency.

I've also thought out in better times the people who would be affected if I did take my life:

I don't have family

My animals

People on internet forums, especially depression and pain forums. I know how much it

hit a number of us when one member took his own life.

People at church

People in the 'rat-showing community'

The person who would find the body - hotel worker, police, train driver (a relative

developed PTSD problems after someone threw themselves under the train he was

driving.) Anyone else involved in an apparent 'accident'. A dog-walker or similar.

Although I feel that suicide is against my religious beliefs, this doesn't stop urges as a response to the illness of depression, any more than it stops my blood pressure going up, and I believe that a sovereign God would understand, but this is also to be considered.

Thinking of you.

Ann

[redroseart]

hi miserables sorry to hear you are so depressed. i have had alot of suicidal thoughts but always think of my family and pets have a dog and cat. i have just had my anti depressant increased and feel a bit better.maybe you could have a chat with your gp or psychiatrist hope all goes well for you

[Hidden]

Hi

Sorry you're sounding so low, don't worry about the suicidal thoughts - thoughts themselves are not harmful and at least you're no longer self-harming. It sounds as though your son is important to you so you're unlikely to harm him by killing yourself. I wonder what supports you have. It can be a lonely life looking after a young child and I know when I was in that position the most helpful thing was when someone gave me permission to think about what I needed and wanted. You have needs too and you can't just keep giving out to your son without your needs being met. Do you have supports? Do you have anyone to love you? If not then perhaps realising that is the first step, then looking for somewhere to have those needs met.

What would you like to be doing with your life?

Sue