Feeling myself !

[Bulliedinlife1981]

I was dating a guy that come to find out I was with him but he was never with me …….in a nut shell after a night filled with crying because he ducked me out , and after confronting him on and him responding by hanging up the phone up on me multiple times I decided to just get drunk and go to bed. Instead he calls me back and comes over now I was so drunk that I remember saying to him I need to lay down I’m to drunk. The next thing I remember was jumping up because someone had just hit me in mouth. I ran to the bathroom and blood was pouring from my mouth and he was standing there saying you hit me in my eye I. My eye and all I could say was why did you it me in mouth and I attacked him well we fought my front teeth are still loose I can’t chew with the front of my mouth only my back teeth. The next day I was more in shock at what took place and was trying to make sense of it all and he text me telling me his eye was going to be black and why I hit him and we were over I replied “replied I already knew that and I did t know happen “ again he cursed me out and said me getting g hit in my mouth was a reaction to me hitting him in his eye and he should have did more ! I could have excepted all of that but the fact that he said he should have did more really hurt me and as time goes on I don’t even believe he had a black eye I believe he didn’t want to be there even tho I had no plans on seeing him and I start snoring and slowed me in mouth my not thinking my reaction was going to be what it was. I was so confused the day after we fought , that I remember washing his clothes but never drying them but they were dry because as I slept he put them in the dryer. This Incident has me lost upset and woke at the same time because I ca n easily say I’m not even mad at him for hitting me in the mouth and could understand if I started fighting in my sleep him fighting back not realizing what was going but this feels more as if it was done on purpose to hurt me and to dump me and hurts more then I could have imagined as I unravel my feeling I am staring to see the pattern of his ways …..and now I’m questioning my self like how could love someone who didn’t care or even like you at all. I mean he didn’t even by you a birthday gift and thought that was ok and never showed up for you even when you bent over backwards for him. I can’t be mad at him I’m mad at me how stupid was I ! I have been depressed since I can’t sleep thinking of how I was sleeping with the enemy. Like what’s wrong with me he used me because I let him because of a need to want to be loved because no one else loves me and has never loved me! I just want to move forward ! How can I move forward with out terai g myself apart ?