Insane

[ArticWing]

I feel lost, like there is nothing left and my journey has come to an end.I achieved inner peace, I'm happy, I'm able to genuinely smile again. But I feel more alone than I have my entire life. Without my hatred, and malice towards humanity, I've lost my resolve. Without desire to have to constantly prove myself, out of constant fear of being cast aside like trash, without the fear of someone actually attacking me in a feral frenzy; I've become complacent.

I feel weak, I keep wanting someone to attack me with the intent of killing so that I can regain my feral state, have purpose again, and finally kill the flame that burns of my soul once and for all.

I want to give up on hope, love, and happiness through peace.

[CLB1125]

I'm not sure what to say, just feel this overwhelming need to write to you. I think I understand what you are saying. please correct me if I'm not. I feel some days there isn't any reason to fight anymore. I just want to go to sleep, peacefully to another realm of being. No physical pain and most importantly no mental anguish. Some day this fight will be over I'm just sad I will never have the opportunity to experience life being happy.