Traumatic thoughts

[mrsherondale]

So I've had a rough year and a half. I had to deal with sleep paralysis, family tensions, a numb head, anxiety, depression, A levels and terrible grades start to end, bullying, being mocked for being myself, made fun of, panic attacks, insomnia, losing my grandmother in the middle of my CIEs. Then having a rejection from medical school and suffer disappointment after disappointment and landed into a gap year. My worst possible nightmare.

I'm trying to adjust now. I can't sleep without my mother but I do sleep which is progress. But ever since I lost my grandmother i feel I've become paranoid. Like everytime my dad coughs I have this image of his choking and dying and all of hus crying around him. If my mother has a head ache and lies down its so alarming because I keep thinking it's something serious when she's just tired and picture her the same way too. It happens to me too. Whenever I feel anxiety symptoms I feel I see myself dead and my mother screaming around me. It's alarming me. I over think a lot and I can't stop it. If someone says something bad about me I keep thinking why did they say that about me? And worry for Hours.

I have terrible panic attacks and they go away when I drive. When I drive its all better. But I can't drive at 2 a.m. while I have no license and I am learning how to drive. So idk how to manage my panic attacks before sleeping. I get weird nightmares too sometimes with witch things scaring me and stuff like that. Idk how to deal with all this now.

I have to study for an exam but everytime I open the book I get a panic attack and get all breathless and feel I'll die I open it again. And i fear another gap year. I have no idea how to study well like this. I am so scared of those books now too. Also I get depersonalized a lot. Idk how to deal with that either. it feels like I am breathless and not in my head and my chest area is cold and has water dripping inside it kind of feeling and I feel my heart doesn't beat but obviously it does. And my head feels numb. And then I feel I'm not really in my body but in some deep deep corner. Watching the outside world and doing robotic emotions. when I breathe in my heart feels like it does some lurches. And everything is fine with me physically. Can anyone here help? Sorry this is too long 😔

[pet-lamb]

Mrsherondale i' so sorry you're feeling so low.what you're going through sounds a lot like clinical depression.it could be a result of all the stress you're suffering or unresolved grief.I really feel it's important to see your doctor.he won't think you're wasting his time .I doubt you will get well without help. Don't be embarrassed or afraid.it's nothing to be embarrassed or afraid of. Good luck and happy Christmas x

[mrsherondale in reply to pet-lamb]

Actually the doctor I go to is a general practitioner and deals with diabetes and liver and stomach issues. Whenever I describe this he labels it anxiety. And gives me meds that make me feel weird. And psychologists here are weird. They mess up your mind worse. I have seen it done to a family member and im scared of that. So I was hoping I'd get by with self help.

[Gambit62 in reply to mrsherondale]

Are you seeing the GP because you have diabetes, stomach and liver issues? And if you have diabetes are you on metformin? - one side effect of metformin is reducing your ability to absorb B12 from your diet. B12 deficiency can cause depression and anxiety. However, most GPs aren't aware of this.

[mrsherondale in reply to Gambit62]

No no. Not at all thank God. I am only 19. I go to him because I have stomach problems a lot. Digestive and gassy feelings. And sometimes when I get a bad cold. I told him once when my stomach issues got terrible about the anxiety and he gave me anti anxieties but they ended up making me feel worse so I stopped them.

[Gambit62 in reply to mrsherondale]

Do you know if your GP has ever checked your B12 and folate levels. If you were given SSRI's for your medication that can sometimes deplete your folate levels and make the situation worse - though would also depend on how long you were taking the meds for as anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medications can often make things worse before they start to kick in ...

B12 deficiency is often associated with gastric problems.

Another thing that sometimes helps is avoiding gluten in your diet -b some report it helps even if they don't have a diagnosis of coeliacs.

Take care of yourself.

[pet-lamb in reply to pet-lamb]

Happy Christmas that sounds lame considering what you're going through but I'm wishing you all the best.see you're doctors again and ask for a second opinion and counselling.

[Hidden]

Hi I checked back on a couple of your previous posts and the last one you received 20 replies, but didn't respond. I am not having a go at you but you got a lot of good advice on it. Did you read the replies and have you followed any of the the advice given? It was good and considered advice and people took a lot of time and trouble replying and trying to help you.

You have been through a terrible time and I really feel for you, and I am not being unsympathetic, but we can only reiterate the advice given to you previously.

Have you seen a doctor or counsellor? You need to do this and get yourself some help. There is only so much we can do online after all much though we all want to help. I know it's the holiday period now but make a decision to seek help after the New Year. Try and have as good a time as possible and I wish you well. x

[mrsherondale in reply to Hidden]

Thank you I'm trying to find a doctor who deals with this stuff but so far I haven't had any luck.

Yes I did read it. I actually lost touch with the previous post. The previous posts did help a little

I just want these scary thoughts to go away. they're so bad. I feel they would happen. There is a possibility of them happening and I keep getting scared it'll happen😢

[Hidden in reply to mrsherondale]

Hi, You have so much to deal with that when you think about it all it can be over whelming.

So you said the last posts helped, but you last touch with them. Go to your profile and you will see all your old posts. You can take notes from them for the advise you've been given for each of the problems you have.

If you feel overwhelmed and don't know where to start them make a list of everything you are worried about. Them note down the advise you've been given for each issue.

Workout what your biggest problem is at the moment and work on that. Take it one thing at a time. Doing too much will overwhelm you.

Start by giving yourself permission to deal with this and to get better. I learned that I couldn't get better until I gave myself permission to deal with my problems as I was in so much denial about them.

Take time out today to relax and enjoy yourself.

If you want to PM me I'd be happy to talk you through goal setting and planning that may help you with working through your problems.

I'm spending time with my family today, my reminder that I am allowed to be happy and that the things and people who put me down and make me paranoid and unhappy can be dealt with.

Take care and get in touch if you want.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Great advice Bev - I agree with you. X