envy and hopelessness

[reinventingmyself36]

I’m 40 years old and I probably never outgrew my teenage phase. I am always envying others whether on tv or in real life.

I am ashamed to say that I’m envious of my friend who is a narcissist but is skinnier prettier more successful and better than me. We have a very toxic relationship and I sometimes tell her how nice it feels to b skinny like her. How lucky she is. She hates it but doesn’t end friendship. She sometimes says go lose weight in response or what kind of friend is jealous. It’s evil. I hate myself and just feel hopeless in life and don’t really like being around her anyway. I think I feel this envy towards because she makes me feel inferior and says I’m descent looking among other hurtful comments.

I wonder how can I get rid of envy and jealousy towards others?

[012703060610]

Getting rid of those thought are hard when you are questioning your own thought process. I have had to recently drop a lot folks out of my life because I have a serious medical illness and the lack of care and concern deeply bothered me. We can't make people care about our issues. When you find the golden gem of the friend who is your equal and empathetic, that's winner. I can honestly say cleaning out the toxicity really helped mentally. I know these folks won't respond to me ever or reach out again so now I have no anxiety over it. Is it sad? Very much. But from what I've learned, most people that don't mentally struggle will never understand until someday they might get impacted themselves. Stay strong. Evaluate the friendship and the worth. It's ok to let some folks go but not all. Otherwise we all end up in isolation and ruminating over our own thoughts time and again. Thank you for posting!

[reinventingmyself36 in reply to 012703060610]

Thank you for responding and sharing your story. It was so enlightening. You seem so strong and empathetic. You’re right these people don’t know what it means to struggle with mental illness and I have a hard time letting go. At the same time I sometimes struggle with envy towards them and I don’t think it’s part of my mental illness but something I need to work on.

I don’t know how you were so brave to let go of the friends that were not good for you. I am having trouble doing that.

Do you have any supportive people in your life now? I hope you’re doing we now.

Thank you for being supportive.

[012703060610 in reply to reinventingmyself36]

You are too kind. I am certainly far from enlightened but I'm 44 and have a lot of years under my belt. For me to go kind of missing isn't so hard as I don't do social media. However, I have confronted several folks and simply said I need surrounded by love and support and they did not give that to me. I know they are likely hurt, but it doesn't mean they are seeing or understanding anything we go through. My circle is small. I've got my family and my husband as the most grounding. Then a handful of friends that if I called they would be there in a minute. This is plenty. I mean I also have young kids with an essential death sentence with my disease diagnosis. That kind of put it all into perspective for me. I need to be with the people who bring me light. Forget the rest who have hovered over me shadowing me in their own darkness. Do I miss some of these people? Yes! Just not that many!

[reinventingmyself36 in reply to 012703060610]

Thank you for sharing your story. you sound amazing. Your friends and family are lucky to have you. I’m so sorry to hear about your deadly disease. I hope you have plenty of great years ahead! Be well.