Me n My surroundings They n Their expectations
Me n My limitations
We, all experience this at some point in life.... ok ok, my bad😬🙈..... to be honest, almost daily. We come across so many situations, circumstances, people, relationships where we have to keep trying to create balance between fulfilling others expectations and your own limitations. Its a game of how much you are capable of stretching out your boundaries. Sometimes, we succeed sometimes we fail, its part of a game, called life.
But it gets really tougher when everyone around you, keep on expecting from you all the time. You are always being scrutinized under microscope, if you do anything which dont meet their expectations then you ll be labelled as egoistic or selfish or non-adjusting etc etc etc. They keep on expecting you to understand them all the time, expect you to adjust, to understand, keep on pushing you, pressurising you that its always your duty to keep the relationships working, ofcourse by forgetting, ignoring what others did to you. And this is more important when you dont have your own family ( consisting of husband n inlaws n extended family), how will you manage alone, so its your need and thats why you have to keep on putting efforts. Noone admits, they dont realise, they either dont want or cant see how much you are already pushing your limits. They just keep on pressurising you, in the name of being eldest or being strongest or you are easy to manipulate or easy to make things work by emotional blackmailing.
I have already reached at my saturation point, if I push my limits more, I'll surely encountered with nervous breakdown ( m not afraid of death, but this oscillating like pendulum between death n life, I wont be able to handle🙈🤦♀️). Why it is so difficult for others to understand, that their continuous expectations of understanding, adjustments from me are killing me ( being killed is different from dying), its making my conditions worse. Is it so difficult for them to show some empathy or even sympathy ( see how much I'm tired of them, that I'm even ready to have sympathy, which I always hate to ask or to have)?
Isn't it wrong to take my soft,emotional feelings as my weakness?
I know I have to push back , to create boundaries, to save myself but I don't know how or if I dare to be honest, I'm afraid to lose people, 'coz deep inside I feel that if I stop giving what others want from me, I 'll lose them. I know if this is the case, its not worth to have such relations but what can be done if your parent is also among those people? How to create boundary for them? Why its important for me to keep on proving my worth again n again n again in other's lives? Why only I'm afraid of losing them? Won't it affect others if I walk out of their lives? Is it wrong to expect from others a little understanding of my situation, a little effort to keep me in their lives?
Don't know whether I will get these answers or be able to create more boundaries.... but one thing is for sure, most of the people around me are sucking my blood and I know they will keep doing so till the last drop of blood in me🙆♀️🤦♀️☹ and icing on cake will be, I wont die even after whole blood being sucked, medicines wont let me die!!
I'm so hell tired, tired of all this drama. I, really don't know when it will end. I'm feeling bad about myself, I hate myself little more 'coz of this. I'm the only one who is not capable enough to tackle this problem. What a shame!! What a waste of time!! I'm nothing but a piece of shit!!
I'm just so tired 
I Prayed for you 
Tired of feeling unhappy
Adult son living in his room, refuses everything
was advised to talk, here's instalment 1
