This is an emergency. Sis will have a birthday on 17th february and Grandma wanted to come and asked mom. Mom told us granma is coming. I'm struggling these days a lot and we live in 2 rooms and i got upset, i know i shouldn't have gotten upset everyone are telling me it's my fault, well i was just anxious and i got mad because it's sis birthday and she should have asked sis and we should have talked about it. Mom got mad. She said she's gonna give us to dad AND his new wife and baby. Sis was crying and she said "Do you know you have a sister?" and made it worse. Upset sister for her birthday. I was just trying to protect her. What if dad doesn't want her, she's gonna get orphange for her birthday. She got a trauma for her birthday. She said all her birthdays are terrible because of this family. That's why i'm staying here, after her birthday i will go to university city and stay there. Sis will be alone, dumbed at new environtment with the baby and stepmother that ruined our lives for her birthday without me and mom. We fight a lot but we need mom. She's taking her anger on dad on us. As If we aren't struggling. I have been losing my mind since 2 years because of him. If i ever did something stupid like hurting her, or not doing chores, or being mad at her, it's because of my mental illnesses. But we're good children. Nobody dropped out of school, we're full A. If i do something that upset her it's because of her and mine mental illnesses. If she tells me to lick to floor i would do it. I would do litterary everything for her and sis. I'm just sick. And i'm sick because of dad. And instead of seeing us as someone who suffers over him with her, she punishes us for his mistakes. Sis is gonna be 15. 3 more fucking years. I'm staying here untill 17th and then i run away. Sis will either be left alone with step family that ruined everyone and without me and mom or taken to orphange. I try to beg mom but she doesn't listen to any logic. I was out of my mind, i was just trying to protect sis. Mom doesn't listen to any logic. She stopped talking to us yesterday night. Only scolding us If something. I was in the bathroom puking and she yelled at me for staying too long. Only interaction with her besides another scold. But she's silent and i don't know what is going through her mind. When sis was crying she said "do you know you have a sister". Hurts so much. I'm on 2 mg Clonasepam (1 yesterday night and 1 today and i can't stop vomiting). Please, i'm scared.
Mom wants to give us. Sis will have o... - Mental Health Sup...
Mom wants to give us. Sis will have orphange for her birthday or a step family with the baby that ruined my life
Is there anyone at your school who can help you? A teacher in whom you can confide? Perhaps there is a clergy person who can help you? What about your doctor? You need assistance from an adult who knows the resources that are available where you live.
I hope you are able to find some help quickly. I couldn't understand a lot of what you were trying to convey (such as why your grandmother coming is a problem), but it is clear you are frightened and need support.
Thanks for reaching out. I can't find support. In this country getting support is like family betrayal, mom would get mad 😞
Are there any family members to whom you can turn? Or even friends who are close enough to be like family? Is there anyone else with whom you could live? Could you get a job as a companion or nanny or gardener with a friend as a way to have an excuse to leave?
Trying to make these decisions while you are in the middle of the crisis is incredibly difficult. Your brain probably wants to freeze up. Who is treating your mental illness? Please reach out to that person and explain that you need help. If you are afraid of your mother's reaction, when you talk to your doctor, focus more on your health needs than your family situation. Perhaps your doctor will be able to help you find a way to cope with the situation until you can safely get away.
Exactly. My brain is frozen and messed up. My mom and dad ruin me. Dad is the only adult i could talk to and he walked alway saying he's bored of me. Then left me on seen. I'm scared he doesn't give a damn about me and sis because of the damn baby. And i got scared he'll leave me. He gaslighted me saying it's all in my head and sis got upset cause mom insulted her for real, "he's just too busy with the damn baby". This saying of her broke my heart. There are no proper adults to discuss it with. I'm so scared. I'm a college student and i think i will have to go to college city and live there but i don't want to leave my sister. Nobody in school offers help, i tried to reach out, they don't care. Dad said he won't give sis to me since "i'm a kid and i'm not responsible for anything" meanwhile mom acts like me and sis are responsible for everything like dad's behaviour and baby. I think the best would be to get her myself. I'm thinking about moving out after 17th her birthday but i'm scared. I'm scared of the new city, alone and broken, i'm scared to leave sis, leave sis with mom who insults her and then gets mad for sis insulting her back. This last sentence is the reason i am in constant anxiety attack. I will Come home and she will have grown up. I really don't know what to do. I'm just scared
You have every reason to be frightened. Sometimes there are no good choices and you are very young to have all this laid on your heart. You are very brave to be trying to find a way out. I still hope you will talk to your doctor or clergy person or school counselor or a friend's parents. I admire your wish to not to abandon your sister; she needs you, but there's just no way for you to resolve this situation by yourself. There's not going to be an easy answer that will smooth everything over without pain.
I think you are right that you need to go live at college. Time and distance away will give your brain a chance to unlock, to get some perspective, and enable you to think through your options and then be able to help your sister.
One note about the baby: please remember that it's not a "damn baby." It's an innocent new life and has done nothing to you. It is another sibling who needs love and attention and focussing your resentment on it will cause the child the same kinds of problems that you are experiencing. The fault and the responsibility lie with your parents; they are the ones who deserve your anger. Your new brother or sister needs all the kindness it can get.
Yeah. Also just let me be angry
Sometimes anger is what gives us strength. It's fine to be angry if one can be so without hurting others.
I can't hurt the infant or anyone. I can't hurt a fly. I'm just angry deep inside
You have good reason to be angry. And I think it's much better for you to be angry at your parents rather than blaming yourself. It's an honest response to your situation.
SoporRose, gives good advise & going to college is not only your ticket out of there but your sisters too, she can visit you & you can continue to support her by letters or email, also you will have access to support at college which will help you. Get your big girl pants on & be determined to make a success of your life despite how your parents have failed you. You can do it Girl!!! you really can!!! then you can pass that strength & example on to your sister & others. Change is very scary, but very soon you will have friends to help. The worst senario if you can't hack it is, you stay, get a job, get a flat & your sister comes to stay over & visit. Good luck Sweetie our lovings thought are with you. X
Real_Me,
How are you doing?
Ruth
Trying to function with all this damage
It's incredibly difficult to function with damage while in the middle of it: hard to regain energy, hard to find perspective, hard to breathe. I really admire you for trying to figure out a way through your situation.
Yeah, i feel so miserable. It's so hard
I think I'm supposed to say something like 'Just hang in there,' but it always drives me crazy when people throw platitudes like that at me.
Honestly i don't even know anymore, my brain is in complete burn out. Appreciate reaching out tho
Real_Me,
I’ve been wondering how you’re doing. Are you still out there?
Ruth
I'm so happy someone cares about me 😭. Everyone abandoned me. I left home, i was too scared of mom. Now i'm feeling lonely, missing sis, wondering whether she's okay, wondering what mom's doing. I'm panicing after any interaction i have with them but at the same time i feel lonely. I need to repair my anxiety to go to them. Sis texted me and i paniced
Dear Real,
I am so, so sorry to read how heartbreakingly difficult your life continues to be. May I ask what you are doing now? Working? Going to school?
Could you contact your sister through a letter? It might give you a way to reach out without setting off your anxiety too much. And you could explain about how the text set off your panic, that you don't want to lose your connection to your sister.
Ruth
Why is my mom so emotionally unavailable towards me?
Life is not fair. This crazy life... 
still so sad and alone ..
Psychotic Alcoholic Mother... 
