I wanna DIE: I'm battling extreme... - Mental Health Sup...

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I wanna DIE

otterIndia profile image

I'm battling extreme mental depression. I know it and can feel it. Hello everyone, anonymous friend here who might need your help. I am 25 and recently got cheated on and dumped by my long term girlfriend. This has been my 3rd broken relationship. Its been 24 years in my life since my birth and for some reason I just feel that other than my parents everyone else hates me and whoever i like/love ends up using me and then dumps me over.

Honestly saying what do Women look for in men, very curious to know the answer to this question. Is it really that easy for anyone(man/woman)to sleep with someone else? I am unable to digest this fact, and people around me have normalized it to an extent where I'm unable to come to terms with it. I so far have only been able to have physical intimacy with someone only if I had feelings towards them, is this just me who feels this way in the world? Am I the odd one out? I seriously feel very suffocated and sick with everything going on in my life.

Let me explain what happened in my life. As I mentioned I'm 25, a man educated well, completed my Graduate degree( Masters), working in a reputed company, paying my bills, and being responsible too and earning quite well, have a decent bank account and took care of my girlfriend mentally, financially, physically and emotionally too. I had been through previous relatonships where the ex was either toxic af or used to be extremely controlling. But in this case everything seemed PERFECT, like absoutely perfect. I was mad in love with her, we both too enjoyed having sex with each other. To even spice up the relationship I used to take her out to different places every other weekend, sometimes within the State, sometimes to other states too. I used to give her everything that she asked for. Slowly as things went by, our aniversary came up, a week later that was her birthday. On Our anniversary, I went down on one knee and proposed to her giving her a ring and asked her to marry her. She said yes, and one week later on her birthday, when I got home to surprise her early from work, there she was fucking some other dude on my bed at home. I was lost for words, literally started shivering, shaken, tears were rolling down my eyes. I did not know what to say.

To be honest with you all, I have not recovered from that incident till today. It has been 7 months, and there are times when I still end up crying at home. I have tried out everything possible, sleeping pills, alcohol, weed, drugs, movies, even healthier options like working out, eating healthy, treating myself, doing things for myself. Nothing has ever been able to keep me happy the way I was. There is a something in me which I'm unable to invoke to be happy, not alcohol, not drugs, not women, I almost gagged and felt disgusted as fuck after trying One night stand. Is this normal? I'm a musician too, I couldnt keep myself happy by making music. It was the first time ever. For some reason I have never ever been able to trust anyone, and idk if I ever can.

As a Last resort, I feel like giving up my life and just go for suicide. I dont know what else to do, I dont enjoy hanging around with friends, I am too scared to go on dates as the fear of not able to trust still lingers in me and I'm scared that I may vent out all my frustration on a new person who's never done anything to me and who would probably want just good for me, I'm scared to trust anyone, I doubt my own capabilities and I doubt my existence, I even doubt if anyone ever liked me.

HELP ME!!!

5 Replies

Time.. u need more time to heal.Suicide is not the answer, please don't do anything to hurt yourself.

You're not the odd one out, there is nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with her for cheating.

You are so young and you will find love again I promise you. Time is a healer and it will come, trust me.

Just allow yourself to heal, love yourself and let Time do the rest.

Xx

Some people are homely. They like the feeling of staying close to their family and enjoy making family life. There are lots of families getting on with it Truly believe you will find someone like this. Tough it out and stay centered Get counsellor or psychiatrist immediately

Sometimes it can take quite a while before we find that person is right for us.I was twenty eight when I met my future Wife and thirty one before we settled and got married. The most important thing we agreed to and settled was we will always be honest and truthful. We have been married now over forty years and we are very much honest with eachother and we always go out together or with friends. It is the only way to make a partnership work and keep the relationship alive and kicking.

Believe me when I say, you were best to find out now before you were going to settle down, someone like this we need to be aware of before we make an error you describe, you were very lucky !!

When it comes down to suicide, it is not worth considering, I tried many years ago and to be honest, no stmpathy or understanding and it really jiggers up a faithfull understanding relationship.

You will find that right person and you will know it very quickly as you begine to understand eachother.

Personally I would not allow myself to become suicidal because of this femail.

you are just making yourself suffer, and closing yourself of to future relationships that will be positive for you, you will find that number one person. It took me many dates and an Encagement before I walked into that new positive long lasting relationship

Surprised to say you have been very lucky to walk away from this lady

BOB

I don't know how this may have happened to you, but, i do know that the roots of this go to the fact that that woman betrayed your trust very badly. It's like kicking a guy in the nuts. But, you need to understand that, not all people out there are like this. and no one's out to get you. there are people in this world that are truly compassionate and kind. and you will not find them immediately. it will take months, years. and they will care for you more than anyone. just because one evil person did a number on you doesn't mean everyone will. and..what you're feeling, nothing making you happy anymore, not being able to trust anyone, not being able to make music anymore, that's just trauma. PTSD, maybe dysphoria. trust me, crying is good. just, let it all out, you know.

do not try one night stands. just.. when you get the courage, and you will, go out there, meet some people, and open up to them. infact, i think women prefer it more when guys open up.

just, keep talking. more and more and more. some will ignore you, some will even call you a liar, attention-seeker, but don't care about that and keep expressing your feelings till your fingers hurt after typing or mouth hurts after speaking.

there are online sites that allow you to anonymously talk to strangers, (e.g. omegle) so vent to them— about your condition, how you're coping. repeat the same stuff to different strangers if you have to. you can vent all you want on this site too.

OtterIndia, I am so glad you reached out the group. If you are feeling as if you will act on it, please, please call 911 for help or call 800-273-8255.

The trauma is still so fresh n your heart and it will diminish. I have found trust to be one of the hardest things to regain.

I will assure you that you did nothing wrong. It is like a bad rom-com where a marriage proposal sets off the recipient’s fears or there is a hidden desire for the bad boy.

No one can ever answer what women want. We don’t even know. Every human is different. There is no rule book. Don’t punish yourself for someone else’s behaviors or insecurities.

When you have grieved her loss, and you will get through that. You will also have to go through the steps of forgiveness. Please don’t think forgiveness means approval. You acknowledge that it happened. You understand it was her behaviors and choices. You decide that she no longer has the right in your present time to steal your life energy, your purpose, your time, or your future with something that is unchangeable history. She does not even have to hear it or accept it. You just have to believe it.

You are worth it.

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