Livid

[evilspicy]

Me: 38, 12 year Marine Vet, bachelor (long distance relationship but live on my own), no kids. Acute PTSD. I work extremely hard every day to manage my PTSD, anxiety, and depression. I keep things very controlled in my environment. Blessed to have just bought a house on a good sized chunk of land that is supposed to be my safe haven from the stress of other people. Just got a new dog and am bonding with and attending to him. I'm medically retired with no responsibilities except the ones I choose. Trying to enjoy my down time before I start college full time in January. My days run the full spectrum but today I am livid.

I called myself doing a good thing and am kicking myself over it. A friend of mine from my military days has a child with their former girlfriend. They live on the other coast and are house hunting in my State. To keep my buddys ex from having to camp in her car, I offered to let her crash at my place while she is in the area. Lots of shuffling around between states and over the weekend, she went and picked up their 6 year old daughter and brought her to the house. Ok, no problem. I'm not a morning person, a little more activity in the house than I'm used to, but things are going well between the 6 year old and the dog and I've got my coffee. I'm a little on edge, but doing okay. Then, around 11, the ex decides she wants a nap and goes in the spare bedroom to lay down, leaving her 6 year old with me (without asking). I think that is kind of rude, but it won't be that long, so I kind of just do my thing while keeping an eye out on the 6 y/o. That's not what pissed me off. After ex gets up from her nap, she is getting a grocery list together because she is planning a trip to the store (it takes about 35 minutes to get from my house to the nearest store). WITHOUT ASKING ME, she looks at her daughter and asks "Are you going to the store with me or are you staying here?" Wait..... excuse me? The 6 year old says she is staying. THEN, after she has given her daughter the option of staying, ex kind of looks at me and goes, "Well did you ask evilspicy?" So suddenly I am the asshole if I say no. I start to say "I don't think that's a good idea" but what came out was "I don't think I'll be doing anything interesting, you'll probably be bored." Because I am put on the spot and don't want to be the asshole saying no.

So now I have been appointed as a babysitter. I'm sorry, but I can't just ignore a 6 year old child. I now have to drop anything I may have wanted to do and keep an eye on this kid, feed them, keep them wrangled. I am pissed. I feel really taken advantage of.

To make matters worse, back when I was really hurting, homeless, and going through a breakdown some years ago, my buddy had wanted to take me in but this very ex who is staying with me and pawning her kid off on me said "No. he's not stable." oh.. but now I can babysit your kid.

Am I overreacting?

[Isinatra]

Whether you feel good or not, she should have asked you first if you wanted to babysit. If she won’t be respectful and ask you, tell her in kind words of course, to ask you from now on. Stick with your boundaries, they’re there for a reason. I think you’ll be saying a lot of no’s while she’s there. She has no problem telling you no. Good luck. 🍀

[hypercat54]

No you are not overreacting and I think her behaviour is very disrespectful expecting you to babysit her child. She is clearly seeing you as an unpaid babysitter and this is totally wrong in every way. You need to have a firm talk with her and tell her you are not doing this and if she persists she will have to find somewhere else to live. Don't let her get away with it!

In the meantime if she tries it again make an excuse then say you have your own business to attend to and walk out. She will have to take the child then and you can return. Keep doing this.

You don't owe her anything. They say a good deed never goes unpunished and this is a prime example. Stand your ground. Make it very clear this is your home and your rules end of.

[evilspicy in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you. It is often hard for me to catch things as they are happening and as a result I'm often a push over. I am hoping it will not happen again, but if it does, i will be able to better respond next time.

[Hidden]

No you are not, there seems to be no consideration here and She needs to understand both girlfriend, child and buddy need to understand you have your life to leade because your Ptsd is bad and you need to plan your day.

The child is not yours and your friend and His girlfriend are imposing upon you they should be understanding of your needs as they will be understanding theres,

You have no family, so you do not need to look after others including so called friends. The ex and child will just need to stay in a hotel if they cannot understand your requirements or way of life,

Personally I feel they are beginning to outstay their welcome

BOB

[evilspicy in reply to Hidden]

I'm definitely going to be putting more consideration and thought into it before I make any hospitality offers in the future. I mean, I don't hate kids or anything, but I also am not responsible for someone else's child. As much as it sucks, you're right about the PTSD. I really do have to conduct self-assessments throughout the day every day and plan my activities accordingly.

[Hidden in reply to evilspicy]

Never had to babysit, although I had two Sisters I would prefer to not have that responsability of looking after kids

I never had children of my own and now I am a Pensioner so now I would run a mile if someone left me alone with kids etc.

To be honest with you the situation with this problem in your case is very convienient for your friend and girlfriend to leave their child with you.

For both of them to consider you are fine with this, is not only wrong it is lacking in understanding of your needs. You need to consider what will happen if this brood moves into the same area where you are living now

BOB