How do I make friends…?: With mum going... - Mental Health Sup...

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How do I make friends…?

Bagpuss21 profile image
7 Replies

With mum going into a care home it means I’m living alone for the first time, ever, at age 47. Yes some people would find that hard to believe, but please be supportive.

I’ve been her main carer for about 10 years; I’m introvert, and have found socialising very hard, particularly as I’m anxious. I do go outdoors daily (pushing myself to do so). With the transition to living alone, and no longer being her carer, I’m finding a) how few friends I’ve got b) am clueless how to make friends c) not sure what the rules/laws etc are re: meeting others…. As far as ‘at home hobbies’ go I’ve got things eg reading, scraperfoils…. It’s friends I need as I’ve few family.

I don’t know what to do, and I’m terrified of the whole change to my life. I need ideas and help please. I’m scared, and often find myself bluffing people that I’m ok but I’m not.

7 Replies
Kainan profile image
Kainan

Hi. You've done such a wonderful thing for your mom being there for her and for such a long time. You clearly are a very capable and caring person, and it should be very easy for you to make friends. 👍

Iammesues profile image
Iammesues

You are an amazing caring person. More nurturing and special than most. Be careful who you pick as your friends, as you have true caring in you. Could you volunteer somewhere to meet others with such kindness?

Laurennnnnnn profile image
Laurennnnnnn

Try volunteering! You’re obviously an amazing, caring, kind person so you need similar friends. And you can probably find those types of friends by volunteering (animal centers, holding babies in the hospital, helping your local library, etc).

compaq1958 profile image
compaq1958

I found myself in a similar position as you.

I volunteer at the local charity shop and made a few good friends.

I was very anxious the first time I went, but the four hours there flew by.

I also went on a few courses at the local community centre, a big step for me.

I am pleased to say from taking those steps, I now have four good friends, who I meet up with and go out with.

Take your time to get use to being on your own and a new routine.

Mumofhocd profile image
Mumofhocd

Don’t feel bad about your situation, there are so many people in a similar boat - people whose relationships have ended and they realise they’ve let friendships slide, people who don’t have a partner or kids - both things that can make it easier to meet others - people who have lost a partner, and people like you who have spent years as a carer for a loved one. There is absolutely no shame in it and nothing weird about it - it’s just a matter of finding each other! Lots of good advice here, but also do look around online - there are bound to be local Facebook groups in your area you could post on - both those specifically for finding friends or just neighbourhood groups where you might find others in a similar situation. I agree you have to be careful about giving out personal info - but equally, we all need to be prepared to be a little bit vulnerable and honest to make friends. Also if you have a local community centre (at least that’s what we call them in New Zealand) that could be a good place to approach, maybe see what classes they offer. All the very best, you clearly have a lot to offer ❤️

Itzallgood1 profile image
Itzallgood1

I agree with those that say to volunteer for something. Obviously you have the experience of helping others when needed. Once you meet new people maybe get ideas from than what they do in spare time. Maybe find somebody who walks or some other activity and ask if you could join them. Maybe they'll introduce you to someone who has same interests.

Laykonyde profile image
Laykonyde

Sorry bout your mum leaving home.

I was in a place where i couldnt socialise until i becane vulnerable to my health careers and also to some people around me. So when i felt nervous they would tell me its fine as they knew what i was going thru.

See, the more i hide stuff, the more it kills me inside.

Would rather be vulnerable and have a lil bit of peace.

I hope this helps.

And no matter what u go through, never belive anyone is better than you. Dont care if they rule the world or not.

Have a terrific day.

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