Is It Ok To Be Afraid To Want Kids?

[HealingWillow]

I know that I don't want to have biological kids of my own. Solely for the reason I have quite a few medical problems and I don't want there to be a chance I give that to my kid/s.

But I know I want kids one day, to adopt or use my partner's eggs. But my question is, is it ok to be afraid to want kids? Growing up my dad had anger issues no one knew he had until after he had me and my brother and I was in middle school. I know his dad had them too.

I'm not scared because I think I might have anger issues. I have worked on my anger since my dad showed me his ugly side so I KNOW I will never hurt anyone I care about.

I'm scared because I couldn't tell my mom about it. I'm scared I will choose someone to spend my life with and they will change and hurt my kids. My last ex started T and became someone I don't know before we broke up.

That's a bit of background, and feel free to ask more about it. But it is ok to be afraid?

[Smudge2522]

Hi StormyWillow,

It’s absolutely ok to be afraid to have kids because the thought of having them is one of the most terrifying things (I know I was before having mine) because as a parent you are that child’s role model, however the pure joy kids bring outweighs that fear 100s of times over. I’ve got 3 and they’re growing up so fast however just watching them work through real life issues (like how to climb up the slide the wrong way) they never give up and they make me laugh so hard. I thought I knew what unconditional love was but then the kids came along and then I truly knew what it was like.

I can understand your trepidation at not wanting to turn out like you dad but even though we may all contain traits of our parents we aren’t our parents and our path in life is created by us - you mentioned that you’ve been seeking help for anger (have you ever had burst of anger or are you just trying to get help before anything like that could potentially happen?)

Life is one big gamble no one knows what’s truly going to happen but it is ok to be afraid but don’t let that fear prevent you from enjoying your life - you only get one life sometimes we need to step out of our comfort zone in order to real our full potential.

Good luck with everything

[HealingWillow in reply to Smudge2522]

Thank you for your response. I appreciate it.To answer your question, I've never had an outburst. My dad had a bad temper and took it out on mostly me because I stood in the way of dad getting to my younger brother every chance I knew he was going after him or my brother was in the room when dad got angry. I know there's the potential of me having outbursts, which is why I work on it. Even though it's very possible I don't have anger issues.

[Smudge2522]

It shows your true strength to identify the potential issue and to deal with it rather than to blame others.