To go or to stay

I feel guilty and frustrated because I can’t leave my boyfriend. 2 years ago he left his wife and later on we started to live together. Straight away i knew it was a bad choice but whenever i said i wanted to leave he stopped me from crying to threatening to set fire on my house to taking my pets away. Now i have turned into a depressed person who finds relief in self harm.

I have two sides one is this nice caring person that gives love and wants to make him happy and then i have my dark side that need to break free and does and say anything to leave. I don’t know what to do. I am living with two different personalities that interchange and burning me from inside.

[SoporRose]

Leave, but not right away. Get in touch with your local social services or your doctor and MAKE A PLAN. If you're in the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is when she's leaving. You need somewhere safe and secret to go. Erase your browser history to keep your boyfriend from knowing you're thinking of leaving. But get out of the house and the relationship as quickly as you can. Please — call for help the next time it is safe for you to do so. My thoughts are with you.

[Wintersbite]

Hi that's no life to have can you get free from it? My husband was exactly the same two personalities nice and cruel it took me months/years ago to get free but I done it so that everything happened on days i went out so he didn't even notice a change in my daily life the best answer he always gave me was " why are you doing this to me" I'm still waiting for my divorce and I now have spinal damage thanks to some of the rubbish he done but I don't think the court liked the fact that when they said about him walking behind me through the door I flipped out and basically said why so he can finish the job he goes in first or we have problems. I'm now free and I have just taken a huge step forward after 3yrs still waiting on my divorce I'm now in a relationship just waiting for the lockdown to end so we can meet up in person but this new person makes me feel special and like he wants to protect me from the bad stuff I went through with my husband.

Be strong and try to get free from this

[Klaus-sperger]

You might feel better with medication. PERHAPS an ssri antidepressant with booster diazepam.This could be greatly helpful and put you in an improved state if mind to more objectively tackle the situation.

Also,having counselling or psychotherapy sessions can be hugely supportive giving you a real oasis of seperation and support and to strengthen you within.

Ultimately you will have to leave, perhaps starting with a 'temporary' seperation then return,get your partner used to it.

For your mental health both depression, stress and dissacotiationn you must go.

[Hidden]

Thank you all for your messages I really appreciate it. Saying to leave is easy but not practical. I live in the UK, i have two pets and it’s in a middle of lockdown-

It’s so hard to find a decent place to stay with two pets -

Everyday i sit behind my laptop unable to concentrate on work and i cry.

I look through my window to the vast fields and all i see is prison all i see is trap. My old me would get positive energy from the nature but now i feel numb nothing.

Just writing here helps me. Thank you for listening

[mmmmww in reply to Hidden]

With regards to your pets, if you do want to leave and have your pets safe, get in touch with some animal charities like PDSA RSPCA or dogs trust or your local vets. There are services that will look after your pets until you find somewhere suitable to go/live.

Explain to the charity or vet that you are trying to leave an abusive relationship and need temporary care for your pets

They will help you and your pets.

[hypercat54]

It's a shame you have chosen to leave us. Come back in and talk to us please.

[Hidden]

Regards your Pets it is possible to get them put into a place of safety through the Dogs Trust where they can keep the dog or cat looked after in a surrogate family until you are settled. In a new address.

You never know if Social Services can arrange for you to keep your pets with you. Talk to your Council, there are various charities who take people into a place of safety. I do feel they may be able to arrange a place to go even if the Covid Virus is still around. It may also be possible to talk with the Police in your area they may be ab;e to suggest something.

When we went on holiday we were talking to the Kennels Pip went in and I was surprised when I was told even Commercial Kennels will Foster a dog etc.

Some Council Cat and Dog Centres, take in and Foster pets out to people they can trust

BOB