Is it possible that my husband is directing his ocd to me.

[Dstar]

My husband has suffered ocd for several years. It all started when I fell pregnant with my daughter. He was extremely over the top about germs, he got medication and improved and the ocd started again when I fell pregnant with my son this time he was paranoid that his car had hit pedestrians and so he would drive around and become very obsessed and worried about driving. His medication was upped and it got better. He’s always been a worrier that’s his personality. Since covid he’s not ocd about that at all but his attitude has become very aggressive towards me, he talks to me with so much hate, I can’t do anything right, when he gets angry his behaviour is threatening and normally he gets angry when I try to talk to him about us and why he is the way he is with me. He has no feelings towards me. Is it possible that he is directing his covid ocd towards me?

[Hidden]

That's not right - he shouldn't take his anger out on you. Anything music or entertainment or favourite sports books or programme puts him in good mood? Time to use I think. I hope his medication has effects and his behaviour towards you improves. If not - tell him he has become more aggressive and to talk to his doctor - hopefully psychiatrist can recommend or sort him out

[Dstar in reply to Hidden]

I’m trying to figure out if it’s the ocd and if it’s possible for it to be targeted to me. This year has been extremely tough. Just trying to find some light for the new year. He’s always in a bad mood with me.

[Dstar in reply to Dstar]

Oh and after he gets angry at me he tries to hurt himself.

[Hidden in reply to Dstar]

Question, him or try to see if he can relax and talk about other things or his problems with you

[venusofthenorth]

I'd say that's very possible, but you can't continue to let him treat you this way. Get the kids and go away somewhere safe without telling him where you're going and leave him a note saying you'll be back once he's sorted himself out. You're not leaving him. You're not stealing anything from him. He's treating you like shit for arbitrary reasons and unless he comes to an independent conclusion as to why he's turning all of this onto you, you're not putting yourself in the crossfire of whatever issue he's having this time.

[Dstar in reply to venusofthenorth]

No I’m tired of this. He believes everything is my fault and I’m the only one in the wrong. With the way he is I’d hate to think what he’d do if I did that. I’ve told him I’ll have no choice but to file for separation. He needs to either get help or leave me.

[Runningslow in reply to Dstar]

The more you have responded the more information you have given and I am pleased you that you have said your going to make a stand. I agree with Venus of the north in terms of ensuring there is a safe place for you to go to, even if it’s just on standby if things escalate.

You mentioned something I haven’t heard from anyone else before so I wanted to share...I was in an abusive relationship that I wasn’t aware of being abusive until a lot of damage had been done, one of the reasons I allowed it to escalate and go on for so long was because I excused the behaviour ‘because he was ill’. After he was verbally abusive, or as time went on physically abusive, he would self harm or say he was going to kill himself, which became a perfect method of control as I desperately tried to stop him and to do that needed to forgive him. I became so desensitised I lost my perspective of normal and myself in the process. He had been diagnosed with a mental health condition, and because self harm and suicide is often a symptom, I aligned his behaviour with the illness he suffered, instead of calling it for what it was, abuse that I was suffering at his hand...if that makes any sense at all...

Control of our everyday lives is something that’s turned on it’s head this year, everyone has suffered in some way or another, it doesn’t give any one person the right to make it even worse for another. It sounds like you’re holding your family together. Well done for reaching out, and recognising that this treatment is not right, that takes a lot of strength.

Its seems early enough to be able to get support, advice and help for both of you both individually and together. I wish you all the best xx

[venusofthenorth in reply to Dstar]

He wasn't listening, was he?

[Hidden]

I gather He has not had Covid, and it may be the fear of coming down with it, or is he worrying about you and family, your Son.

Your Husbands condition can reoccur so given that He may benefit from phoning up your Doctors Surgery and getting a telephone appointment in the first instance. You could also try the same way to talk to the Doctor although I would imagine the Doctor will need to assess your Husband before He can decide on anything at this time so eventually it may be a good idea to go and see the Doctor together. I know in my case my Wife goes to see the GP with me and also interacts in my appointments with CPN or Doctor.

Is your husband Violent with you or is it just His attitude ?

BOB

[Whatamug1]

I've a feeling that you aren't feeling 'safe'. It has been a tough year, tougher for some than others but that's not your making. You need to take your children and go somewhere safe. That will give you the time and space to discuss the issues you're describing with peeps who are trained in this area. Your husband is not your problem, you and your children are. Take Care and Stay Safe.

[Rupertthebear]

I think your husband mayhave more underlying conditions then the OCD . My son is very similar and the conditions deteriorate rapidly. Take him to a psychiatrist.