my boyfriend left me because of my me... - Mental Health Sup...

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my boyfriend left me because of my mental health and I feel very alone

diana19296
diana19296

my boyfriend left me because I went through a bad spell of depression in COVID lockdown. I worked in the NHS at the time and lived on my own. He didn't want to move in with me because he said he would have been bored when I was at work. I don't have great support from family either, at the start of it all they told me to just snap out of it or would scream at me. My mum told me to quit therapy because they lie to me. I had minimal help from the GP and got put on a high dose of citalopram, fair to say it didn't work. I ran out of tablets at the start of September and tried to take my own life. I have been off the citalopram for a couple days now and I feel ok, sad at times at the fact that my partner has left me, sometimes I fall into the dark thoughts of what is the point and feel very angry at him. He won't tell me what he wants just said he needs space and I should get better on my own. I'm still his profile picture on social media and he won't come and get his stuff from my house..I don't know what to do with myself

16 Replies
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hi could it be he too is suffering as well.if you want to have therapy its up to you and not your mum.give him some space to process things and get in touch in a couple of weeks but if he doesn`t just move on because it will keep you down.

Agree with what Kenster1 said. Good to take care of yourself and your needs. And be kind to yourself. Things will work themselves out

Did you talk to your Doctor after the attempt on your life ??

Many people in the Health Service have been stressed out because of Covid and sometimes a course of CBT may help especially if you are not getting support at home.

Can you get any help from the hospital regards COVID especially if it is that that is making you ill. Are you still working on the Wards of other Department

BOB

I would say keep checking in here. Remember communicating what your feeling is important and so are you. You seem to have more people in your corner.

You deserve better. You deserve someone who supports you and helps you through these things. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. You’re not alone..I am debating breaking up with my boyfriend because of reasons ...

Keep checking in on here and updating us. We are here to support you. It’s time to focus on YOU. Block his number and social media. Give yourself a pamper day ! Hugs 🤗 We love you! We are here for you 💗

Agree with Kenster1, give some space. I am sure he will be back after some time.

I am just giving him some space for now. I don't know what's going on with him. He's fallen into a bad pattern of just playing COD all the time and just being really angry and short tempered with me at times. The week before we broke up he told me he's fallen in love with me all over again. When we were together he told me he doesn't want me to take tablets or go to therapy and that I should just be happy without those things but I don't think that's fair. He's just made me feel like no one is going to love me again because I suffer with mental health... I have friends who have had tons of miscarriages or battled cancer and their partners stuck by them. Admit that I don't know what goes on with other people but I don't think that's fair.

I believe you’ve just gave yourself the answer of why you shouldn’t be with him. You are right, your boyfriend should be next to you if you are struggling with mental health issues. “I love you” are just empty words if your partner is not willing to be with you when you are struggling. There is a reason why people promise to be faithful to each other “...in sickness and in health...” when writing their marriage vows. Find someone who is willing to be next to you even during your darkest moments and you’ll find true love. Search for someone who is able to fulfill that vow and you won’t be feeling you are wasting your time anymore.

He may be frightened and worried regards your concerns, many people have problems dealing with someone other than themselves illnesses. This can be more marked when deal with mental health. If He has walked away it may be His fear and lack of understanding.

Consider your needs and expectations it would seem this man cannot actually feel sympathy and that will never really change

All is down to your expectations of what to expect from A Partner. All part of a course of CBT. It seems like He has now gone however would marriage guidance help, you both do not need to be married to attend.

BOB

Citalopram and many other depression medications can cause worsening depression. Very severe depression. I had a few really bad episodes but I pushed through them. And suddenly running out of any depression medications is also very dangerous.

My doctor added Buproprion (Wellbutrin) about a year ago. It seemed to help better. So she weaned me off of Citalopram completely then upped my dosage on the Buproprion. That was about 8 months ago. I feel a lot better now but HU has helped me a lot and finally not having such terrible financial woes has been terrific.

If you partner won't help you through bad times, why stay with him for the good? Tell him that you don't need him in your life if he can't understand you need support. He's not worth it.

Having a toxic family isn't worth the pain. I gave up on mine but mom, dad, grandparents, uncle, and mom's boyfriend, have all died. Mom 11 years ago. The others died within the last 4 years. And my mother-in-law, who was a rock who kept me sane, she died of a stroke in January 2019. It's been a tough few years here. My daughter is my last supporter though my father-in-law listens to me and understands.

Sending thoughts of healing, comfort, and strength. And prayers for you to find your way through the crazy maze of depression. May you find joy in the things that you do have. And may your future be a much happier and filled with love.

try to do a little something everyday that makes you happy, going for a walk or run helps me to feel confident that these times will pass. Focus on something you like.. i started to restore a car which had been off the road for a while, this helped keep my mind to be focused and occupied. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself...I had a lot of pressure from family during low points because they didn’t understand where my head was at, they thought by saying things like snap out of it etc would help, it took some to get them to understand and get them to think through my thought process and understand why I was feeling the way I was.

diana19296
diana19296 in reply to Feodo

Yeah I've been going to yoga and staying busy seeing friends etc. The stigma that comes with mental health is unbelievable I can't believe how much pressure there was put on me to just get better, especially seeing things from the perspective of people who struggle as I work in a cancer department. I'm so annoyed at all the people that are judging me on my mental health because I did all the things I could do to get better like not drank did exercise tried to eat healthy went to work and just ignored the negativity of my family but there were bad arguments and bad days.. I just wish he gave me the credit for how hard I've worked through it. I feel a lot better not being on the citalopram already it's like a black cloud has left my head and just feel like he's given up on me on my last 100m telling me he doesn't know who I am and it's a relief to not see me.. how can someone who's such a big part of my life tell me he can't wait to spend his life with me then change his mind ? I just can't get my head around it. I know his friends judge his other friend who goes out with someone who's got mental health issues and his mum told him she doesn't want to hear negative things from me.. it's very hurtful. I hope he never feels like I did, worthless suicidal and thinking that everyone else will be better off without me. I'm so hurt

I am so sad to hear that you are feeling like this. You need someone to be there for you. He has to find a way to help you at this sad and difficult time. He could be under stress himself but he has to understand that you didn't ask for this it is something that could happen to anyone. When you are stronger you might want to reconsider your relationship but not now you need to concentrate on feeling better and getting some help. Therapy is a good start and should not be dismissed. I do hope that your family start to give you some support its so hard at the moment. Hang on and keep talking to us

Take it one day at a time and don't be too hard on yourself. Stay safe and keep talking.

I hope you take no offense but he sounds like a loser and not someone who is right for you. I always say if you can look up, you can get up. Hitting rock bottom is a great foundation to build a stronger you. No one has the right to tell you to take, or not to take tablets, or CBT, this is your choice and your choice alone. Mental health is a hidden disability sometimes permanent sometimes temporary, and the first thing you need to acknowledge is a lot of people do NOT understand, and most of these people you can't make them understand, parents often don't understand either, it's something you need to accept. When you find the right one, they will stick with you at your worse. It actually becomes easier in a way to find the right one as you can tell them up front, and then you can make judgement how caring of person is by their reaction and understanding of your condition. However bad you feel, things always get better. In regards of stopping your meds that's always a no no, I felt good for 3 years so sudden stopped taking them, 3 months later, I was s wreck and worse off. Keep your chin up and put yourselve first before everyone else, look after your body, it's the greatest instrument you will ever know and don't rush into another relationship, take your time to learn your mind, body, soul, and be independent, but talk to as many people who understand as you can.

socratesanne in reply to diana19296

3 minutes ago

Unclear why when people have severe despondent feelings, especially with what is going on in life around the world, anyone would be labeled a mental health problem. Are not feelings in these days normal, especially the depressed ones? I would be worried if folks did not have some despondent feelings given the state of the world in this pandemic.

We were given the ability to have feelings and I treasure them, even if sometimes they are sad or anxious. I worry when folks do not have feelings they acknowledge. What a boring world that would be. Let us root for feelings and love the ones that give us joy, or love or even anger when needed as long as it is never directed at anything and we give ourself time to rise above the sinkers. It just takes a different thought.

Emotions are just energy. We can change that energy with merely a new thought. We are supposed to have ups ad downs. Our body never allows the body to remain totally happy or sad as the chemicals in the body cycle for us all. Serotonin rises up to take up the noraepinephrene and cycles back to pick up the serotonin. See it like a figure eight of emotions, full of ups and downs as normal and sometimes a lag but it will catch up and up or down we go again. Emotions make us human and we need people who appreciate us just the way we are and once awhile a little cheerleading. Tell him you need a cheerleader once in awhile and you can reciprocate the he needs one. Is that why we are all on here--to cheer people up, provide understanding and hope to get it back when we need the same.

I've gone from thinking the world about him to resenting him. He doesn't care about me at all and the past year of our lives was just a lie I never want to love anyone again and I just want to die

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