A promise a 4 year old made.

[iamso]

I'm not sure what to put this under but my father holds this above my head to this day and I'm in my mid 20s.

So when I was little I agreed to the statement, 'You make me proud, I'll make you proud.' Little 4 year old, hopeful for what the future holds for me and believing that I could do anything as long as it made my parents happy.

Fast forward to mid teens. I started falling under with grades and performance. I was always a smart student, got good grades was very promising. But I started going through depressive symptoms. My apathy started to grow as I just stopped caring for everything, I stopped wanting to live. As it got worse, I tried asking for help or the very least, tried my best to voice my concerns.

I was always shot down, always told that I just had a 'weak mind' and that I'm 'letting it get to me'. Then it gets to the line 'you promised me that you'd make me proud. what happened?' Then I feel guilty. That I can no longer live up to that expectation and that I'm desperately needing support but that support from the people that should care for me the most, is neglected. I can't tell if I'm getting gas lighted or if my symptoms are just acting up.

Forward to my 20s as I'm trying my best to attend university. It doesn't go very well because my illness wasn't treated or being helped with. I often get criticized of not performing well or being 'perfect'. Any request I make to hopefully help ease my struggles through school was overlooked and ignored. They were small things like, please keep it down, I'm trying to sleep/study. Or please don't park behind my car so I can leave on time. Small things like that gives me anxiety and then the stressors of not performing well grew so large to the point I was unable to perform at all. Again I try to convey my struggles, but it's overlooked. There's no reassurance just expectations and blame.

I withdrew from university because I was unable to deal with the emotional struggles I was having. I'm certain they're disappointed and seek to tell me what I could've done better. But at the end of the day, they still push off every struggle I mentioned. Because I'm no longer meeting expectations, they've changed their treatment towards me. It hasn't been the nicest, just belittling and scrutinizing while at the same time invading my privacy, disrespecting me and continuing with neglect. Reminding me that they've spent money on me and how could I fail them?

My resentment just grew and I no longer have any hope.

If the 4 year old me knew that this was going to be the outcome, would she have agreed to that promise?

Also, what does it say about someone who holds a promise a 4 year old made above ones head?

[Hidden]

We need emotional support for real time experiences, we have and what you need is support and understanding for your condition - what you are facing now. I hope you get it but try to grow strong and get your support form this site, doctors and friends, so that you can fulfil your life. Sometimes people get support from religion otherwise concentrate on themselves and turn themselves around.

[Dolphin14]

Sounds like a form of emotional abuse. This leaves big scars. A four year olds statements shouldn't be held over their head like that. My opinion is it's very immature of an adult to do this.

My grand daughter promised me she will always be my best friend. I said someday you will want to go to the mall or parties with your friends. She assured me that wouldn't happen. Lol should I hold her to that statement? Absolutely not. It's something said from a sweet innocent child living in the moment.

Make yourself happy. Don't listen to them. The wounds will only get deeper.

[Hidden]

Sometimes parents can have very high standards of their children. At such a tender age four years old no-one can expect a child to make any sort of pledge that will be followed as the child gets into their teens or adulthood. However the Parent can push and push and the child can feel wanting and unable to perform in a household of irrational demands You are who you are and parents need to accept and encourage not demand and push their views and performance. This can progress through the child life and they begin to feel unable to perform to parents expectations

Narcissist

Eventually the parents may have further children one becomes the golden child and the other a Scapegoat for the family. The family attack the Scapegoat and the attitude of A Narcissist and the problem can extend through life. There are possible ways of moving on. The Parents can destroy reputations as the Golden Child is looked after and loved

BOB