About to break

I'm trying so hard not to relapse and grab a razor... going on 3 weeks clean but I'm loosing sight on why I even want to stop cutting...there is just so much stress and I can't do anything right. My depression just makes my memory worse which makes my grades worse which makes my depression worse and it's a vicious cycle. Bad grades on top of my world being flipped upside-down and constantly being told your useless and worthless and already feeling like that. Why shouldn't I do it? What the point of stopping?

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  • Hi sweetie the point is you're worth more than that. You don't deserve to feel this way none of us do we do for whatever reasons. When we're feeling unwell it's hard to focus and live a normal life, no one can so your grades will suffer. Have you been to a Dr ? I've just been through an anxiety & depression period in the end I had to go Dr to get meds which I hate to take but I know in order to function I need some help for a while. I'm feeling much better already thank God.

  • No I have not been to a dr. I have been suffering with major depression for 2 1/2 years and have almost ended it before. The only perso who knows is an online friend who has seriously helped me. And just last week for the first time I started to open up to a friend so they know now. I have been getting better with my depression and anxiety for the most part. I'm no longer suicidal but I really can't grasp why I shouldn't cut. It's so hard ... I miss it so much

  • You have the power to determine how you live your life and the kind of person you will become.3 weeks clean is remarkable and now you're at a difficult stage. Hold on, don't let yourself down. Who ever is putting you down obviously doesn't know the inner you. Show them what you are.It would be an excellent time for you to have some support which you can get here, but to make your recovery easier and long lasting, please see a Doctor. They won't be shocked as they have seen it all. Most of the members on this site have done this and also taken anti depressants along with some therapy. In a few weeks you will be surprised at how well you will feel. Worthless and useless, I don't think so. This situation is not your fault, don't blame yourself. I would guess someone has let you down badly. That is not on you , it's on them. You will overcome this, do it for the person you will become. Pam

  • Hi Angel. Time to take a time out and see your doctor. You are unwell but not broken. School and the world can wait. You are the important one-time to master the art of doing nothing. I highly recommend that you talk to your parents or a significant other and gain the support you need to be one well again. Medication and the right therapist will make you feel so much better. How brave and determined you are ! Trying to stop on your own and writing to strangers here to admit you have a problem. I seriously doubt there are many people who could do that. You are a strong, brave and determined,amazing person. You are unwell but can get better my love. Little steps and as I said the world can wait. You are the important one , and when you're feeling better and ready you can rejoin slowly at your own pace. Take it from one who knows x

  • I know it will be such a hard thing to do to go to the Dr, but you will get help from it, if you can write down things and then when you are there just hand it to the Dr, that's how I did it, as when I didn't have it written down I couldn't say it... My mind would go blank as to what I needed to say, or I just couldn't bring myself to say it. Well done for going 3 weeks without cutting.. This is amazing! I know how hard it is.. I havnt managed to control the urge completely yet either and still do give in sometimes, and sometimes I go thorough times of doing it more again, but what I have been told and toy need to know is that it doesn't mean you have failed if you relapse and so it again... That is part of the recovery and can happen, you have to remember that you have made such an achievement of going 3 weeks, and that there will then come a time you go longer, and it takes time to find out other ways of dealing with when you feel that way, all I can say is what I do is try so hard to keep myself distracted so will do art, or poetry, or go on my Playstation, or do a jigsaw or play with lego or my magnetics ... I have tryed make my list of distractions as long as I possibly Can, and there are times I feel too bad to do them so then I try my hardest to make myself go for a walk or go for a shower, something to get me to calm down a little.. Even putting off cutting for a little while when you have the urge is you doing good.. And in time you will be able to do it for longer at a time.. I also have tried sometime the pinging an aplastic band against your wrist and holding an ice cube against you, as they give you pain to a certain extent without the risk, but I know it's not the same and doesnt give the same feeling. All you can do is try and you have to learn to not be too hard on yourself if there are times you give in as it doesn't mean you have failed. It is a long road to recovery and I really think you need the help and support the Dr can give you but We are all here for you! Also there is no shame in going on to antidepressants if that's what the Dr suggests, it's okay to need a little help and support, and they can help alot.

  • Hello Dewdropsxx

    I'm sorry to read how desperate you are feeling but there is help for you just bare with me. You can get help for your anxiety and depression from your Doctor very quickly, so please make an emergency appointment. You can also find Crisis Support here:

    shawmindfoundation.org/supp...

    The urge to cut is tremendous, try scribbling over the area you want to cut with a red pen, place ice cubes on the area, put your headphones on and listen to loud music, shout at the top of your voice, punch your pillow, go for a run whenever the urge strikes,draw a butterfly on the area, have you heard of the Butterfly Trust? message me know for more details.

    Whichever you try, that urge will pass and with the start of your anxiety and depression treatment, you will be on the way to recovery, just hang on in there. There's also a guide on Self Harm here:

    shawmindfoundation.org/supp...

    Please message me for further help and do let me know your age so I know how best to help you. I'm here for you.

    Chloe

  • Hi ,

    I dropped out of college at 17 and got a job straight away instead. I know how stressful this time of your life can be as I have been there myself. life is so much bigger that grades and school. Whoever calls you a failure or things like that ignore them. I'm 27 and have a well paid full time job and I still don't know where I'm going in life as I hate my job and would much rather be doing something less paid and be happy than stick this out and be sad. Do what makes you happy but self harm isn't the answer your stronger than that and you've got your whole life in front of you to make it whatever you want it to be don't waste it and don't waste your time hanging around people who put you down. Hope you feel better soon and please look after yourself

  • I suffer with stress and used to do things to spite myself. One day I was so angry was in my bedroom and beat up my pillow. The adrenalin just left me. Now (please don't laugh) I've bought a boxing punch bag and beat the crap out of it whenever I get anxious. Believe it or not it works for me. I get my exercise sleep better. Don't give in to what made you unhappy before. It's a vicious circle. You WILL beat it xx

  • Haha yea I asked my mom if I could do kickboxing instead of cheer next year because it's cheaper but she said no. But I'm glad that works for you! I've done it a few times and I've recommended it to others. Thanks for the advice!

  • Your welcome honey. Things will get better, not today or tomorrow maybe but they will . Message me anytime Lynne xx

  • Do you know what else helps?? Put an elastic band on your wrist. When you feel that urge, ping it as many times as you need. It does work, it helped my friend in your situation xx

  • I know it's hard when you get that urge but you have done 3 weeks don't give in now or it's all been for nothing .Can you get an app for your phone on relaxation so when you get the urge to do it play this ,after all it's a learned behaviour and you can learn through relaxation to turn to listening instead of cutting .Also excersise or any hobby that can take your mind off things .Take care and go see your dr if you need help. Xx

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