My Partner's Mother

The first time I met my partner's mother (we'll call her HR) it was really weird. I see things that aren't there sometimes, and was having flare ups at that time. She asked me what I saw, and started going into how my aura is very jagged and how she's never seen that before. HR continued to ask about my mental health and what growing up was like. I was hesitate but answered her questions, I always straight-forward questions honestly, but it was still weird.

HR was friendly with me for a while. She always goes on about how honest and open she is. However, that couldn't be less true. I'm a lesbian, and my partner is non-binary pansexual. And my partner's sibling is also non-binary. The both of them are annoyed as hell with their mother for being transphobic. HR is constantly making rude comments and making them both feel like shit.

I've confronted HR about one of her comments about my partner and my home one day. I've added the message to this post. I don't remember the exact date, but it was late October. I was so angry I deleted the other messages, and luckily found this one. I know it doesn't look bad, and I didn't think it was either at the time.

Ever since then she hasn't talked to me unless my partner needs her to. Even now when HR is helping find a new place to live (which I appreciate) she is telling my partner to not tell me anything about the homes they are both seeing together. But then asks my partner to ask me questions about if my parents can help, etc.

Every time I confront HR or even ask my partner to ask HR a question for me, if it annoys HR, she takes it out on my partner. HR will send angry emails, text messages, or meet up with them to belittle them. I just want to know why I can't talk to HR and figure out why she doesn't like me. HR confronts everyone about everything, but if I do it to her, she blows up on everyone around her.

I don't want to make things worse, but HR is stressing my partner and their sibling out to the max. My partner had their first stage performance drag race last night (THEY DID AMAZINGGGG) and started crying afterwards because they invited their mother, but HR started making excuses and chose not to come. There was mothers of the other drag kings/queens and were supporting them so much, but it made my partner realize more that their mother doesn't support them. They've known that for a long time, but when something they are super proud of happens and their mother won't come, it definitely hurts them a lot.

I want to meet up with HR and talk to her, not start an argument, but ask her why she is treating me this way. But I don't want my partner to get yelled at for it again. I'm not sure what to do. I've always been the person to confront someone being rude/mean, and doing it by not arguing or being petty. But when I try, someone else gets an ear-full. HR won't talk to me about it, so I want to ask to meet up with her. My partner's sibling tells me how their mother is constantly complaining about me, and moaning about how I'm to defensive over my partner.

Does anyone have any ideas? Please let me know. My health is getting much worse, and its taking a toll on my partner and I immensely. I just want to do anything to get the stress out that I can.

[Delzek]

Some Parents are"A"holes putting it bluntly! It sounds like HR is a control freak ! Also it may be because of her age? My Mother was supportive of all her Children, and she showed it! I had a friend who's Mother was we thought a nasty piece of work she always belittled her, never appeared supportive in fact she was blatantly non supportive! When her Father passed she found out why! He was the dominant parent and her parents marriage was a sham, Her Mother was forced to marry ,She was from a different country and had my friend very quickly then another child three years later. She lost her second child at a young age and distanced herself from my friend from then onwards, She explained to my friend that She was afraid to be close to her because of losing her second child, and that she never wanted to marry the father either, the reason She was always nasty to her friends is that as her husband had been controlling of her,She felt pleasure at being able to control her and her friends, it felt to her that it made up for her husband's nasty ways. Then the big shocker her Mother told her that she had only ever been in love with one person her girlfriend in India who she had to leave behind but had kept in contact with in secret all through her time in the UK, after the Mother cleared the air things got better for her but it's still not perfect ! Perhaps HR is Just jealous that her children have found happiness that she has never had, if that's the case try to make her feel wanted , perhaps that will soften her? I hope something works out for you as having any member of your partner's family disliking or jealous of you can break the relationship . Good Luck God bless,

[Dolphin14]

Sounds like the 3 of you need to sit down and talk.

Lay the cards on the table and set up some boundaries.

Best of luck

[Hidden]

She sounds like she has control issues. I’m so sorry. Your partner and siblings need to come together and leave you out of it. You’re not married are you ?? It would be good if they laid down the law with changes in a loving manner. Change is hard.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

No we're not married, we'll be in a relationship for 1 year in a few weeks.

[Hidden]

Yeah it’s best to let your spouse handle the mother. The only time it’s ok to step in is if they directly are very rude to you in person saying things or directly so to your spouse if it’s epic and they don’t stand up for themselves. When I’ve been in that situation all I’ve said is I’m disappointed in this poor behaviour we’re leaving NOW. Absence and concrete boundaries holding yourself up with respect is best way to hit the issue. Sounds like siblings are grown ups now ? Hopefully living on their own. You sound great like you guys are all trying to be Woke. She just has her own issues with that.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Sibling still lives with mother, so I can understand that. But partner and I live on our own. Partner won't stand up to mother even with this going on. I kind of understand, but also don't because my father is like this and I stood up to him a lot when it used to get like this.

[Hidden]

Sometimes Mothers can be unable to let family go to move on with their life and life choices, They m

iss the control they had when siblings etc are making their own decisions.

Mothers can also become upset when they feel they have lost the children love and feel kicked out of that childrens life.

All I can say is try and incorporate decisions or ask for advice so she feels she still has a place in the life of Her Child,

My Mother was a nasty peace of work and She would dictate Her needs, if she found her children were managing their lives in a positive way that would cause problems

BOB