My parents are not bothered about me.

[charulata1]

They ignore me all the time they are not even bothered about my problems instead blames me for everything. My mother is just not bothered she just loves my brother and whenever I try to tell her about my problems she ignores it. I feel lonely all the time how can my own mother be like this? She thinks that I brought shame on my family by not sleeping with my husband who used to force me for sex and I cudnt bare it so I left him. Why is she making it worse for me I am just 21 and going through such big issues of life. Why can't she just love me for whtever I am and stop forcing me to go back. I want to be loved by her but she dosent love me at all. I am broken allready and now she is making it worse for me and for her I don't know what to do whom to ask for help or where to go I am trapped and I want to get out.

[Hidden]

Hi

I would imagine that arranged marriages are part of your culture? And your parents are "old school" in that there marriage was arranged and worked for them albeit probably with a lot of work. Do they take your rejection of your husband as a personal rejection because they choose him for you? I dont think I'll know too much about your culture but if it is what I think it may be then is there a group online or in this country (you're in Britain somewhere, right?) that can help?

[Stilltrying_]

Charulata, it is so difficult for me to advise you on this as you are talking about a different culture from here (presumably you are in India and in arranged marriage? You have asked for some help so I will try to help but I am not sure of how much I can do for you in your situation.

You say you come from a conservative family, so this is expected of you yes? Did you leave the marriage or are you still trying? Of course I cannot blame you if you find your husband intolerable but i have no idea what is the idea of your culture on this or how things can be made better for you? Your mother thinks you have shamed the family because you cannot tolerate what they have decided? Therefore I would imagine she would have little sympathy for your feelings, so you would be wasting your time?

I do not disagree with your thoughts on this but I do not know how much it is allowed or what you can do about it. What does the future hold for you now? Are you allowed to leave this man or is that too shameful? I am sorry I cannot be of more help but do not want you to go without replies.

Have you thought of any other places where you may be able to get some help on this? Sorry this is not too helpful really.

[Suzie40]

I'm a bit confused. Your first post says that you hate him and want to leave him, your second says that you left him and that has brought shame on your family? Or were there two husbands? X

[charulata1]

Its my third month of marriage and I told my husband that I can't bare him and left but now when I am home my family keeps telling me to go back they told my relatives to call me and explain me. But now I think I can't fall for their emotional drama, my two first cousins got married when they were 19 and now one has 5 kids and she can't leave her family and come even if she wants to and the other one is not educated enough to become independant so if I will not take any stand for me right now i'll be stuck like them with a man I hate for the rest of my life. I finally have the courage to fight for my rights and get out of it. All I need now is some moral support if u guys boost me I know I will get through this. And I really appreacite you all for listening and replying back. Just be there for me as I need to be strong.

[Hidden in reply to charulata1]

You'll always get moral support here so long as what you do is moral & right. Saty strong & stick to your guns. We can & will offer support but you are the one who will have to live with your family. I would hope that in time they will learn to accept your choices & find a way to be happy for you & support you. This may take them a little time though.

Are you able to move into a place of your own or with friends or perhaps even rent a room somewhere else?

[Stilltrying_]

It sounds like you have the strength to do it as you have already done it, so just stick at it. Only you know what the consequences will be and whether you can manage to live a good enough life living with those consequences. What I mean by that is you probably know whether or not your family will permanently disown you and so on and will have thought about this and measured it up. We can be there for you but only you can make those ultimate decisions about your life but we can try and support, living in a different country with different culture it is not always easy to advise correctly though. X

[wannabebetter]

Sounds like you've done the hardest bit by leaving and it sounds like the right thing to have done. I know a couple of women who also went through this and its hard and you may feel that it wasn't as bad as you remember, but stick with it. Stay busy and positive. Talk to friends and your cousins if they understand.