My wife wants to die

[Unhelpfulhusband21]

I'm a husband to an amazing wife that is being destroyed by depression and is unwilling to seek treatment, as she feels she is going to be cast aside, and no amount of begging or pleading is helping to change her mind, she is at the point of wanting to take her life to ease the pain she is feeling and I feel useless and unable to help. Is there any help out there for the position that I am in that isn't going to make my wife hate me because I have chosen to look for help on her behalf. My wife has given me 3 beautiful children and years of happiness, she is my everything and I am terrified of loosing her to this horrible condition.

To clarify on her situation she has a severe anxiety disorder that may or may not have been caused by any of the following. (Loosing her father, her mother and grandmother in her late teens early 20s, being the victim of reported childhood sexual abuse that has gone unconvicted twice (2 separate events, same family), having 2 children with me that have a terminal progressive disability). She has depression that is there all of the time but has spikes when she feels as though she cant deal with the pain any longer, the depression is not linked strongly with her anxiety as she is in a calmer phase in her anxiety at the minute but her depression has spiralled out of control. She most recently has been on venlafaxine that she has stopped taking as she cannot eat while taking it, it causes her to vomit whenever she has any food. She has previously had most if not all of the available SSRI medications, none of which had any lasting benefits, same goes for metazapin. The only medication that seemed to help was diazepam which the doctors refuse to prescribe as it can be addictive and we have young children. She is now refusing to seek any treatment as she feels it is pointless and wont help and that her only way to escape is suicide, she has spoken to me openly about this and I have spent many hours trying to convince her that there may be more help available but she is unwilling to try, it is made more difficult by the fact our gp will only give out an appointment for the same day, so she has no preparation time to help he deal with the obvious anxiety the doctors appointment will cause. I have tried to say I am going to call the crisis team but she says she will refuse to speak to them and knows they cant help her.

I'm lost and stuck and have no idea what else I can do as I feel if i try to go down the line of forced hospitalization i will push her away and she will be left to deal with this all on her own.

Sorry for the long post, i hope there may be something that you guys can recommend as I'm broken, scared and lost. Thanks for reading.

[Sasical]

Unhelpfulhusband21 I feel for you, what a very difficult position to be in.

I don't know where you live and what help you have available to you. A suggestion would maybe be to call a crisis team or her GP/psychiatrist or something like Mind to ask them what they steps they would suggest, that way if you are following their instructions you might not feel so lost. Let experts in mental health make the decisions of what steps to follow next.

And don't call yourself unhelpfulhusband as you most certainly are not!! Mental health is very difficult and you are trying to help which is all that counts.

[Hidden]

Sorry both of you are in an undesirable situation.

The problem is the wish to take Her life, although She seems to at least has had a trying times with Her medications and your GP seems to be at a loss on how to treat Her condition.

Has your GP suggested any Therapy, or has she been admitted at any time to a Hospital Ward for any length of time ?. If this is not the case personally like you I would be concerned, given that one way you could try is when She is threatening to take Her Life consider either taking Her to A and E and get her seen as a patient at risk. The other way like in my case My Wife contacted my CPN , if however your Wife does not have had contact. NHS Information and they may contact the Crisis Team and they will visit your home, they will assess your Wife and Her mood and can move Her in on a Section. They can also arrange treatment as an Out Patient

You need to really discuss your Wife and Her Mental Health and your concerns. regarding you and your Children. At least with your Doctor

The only real reason I suggest above is in my past I have had the Crisis Team out for me three times and it did push various treatment pathways quicker than what the GP may suggest. However if the GP has introduced a treatment plan you will have Mental Health Professionals you can discuss your Wife problems to. It did Help me and it opened up various ways and tests that can help. On one occasion when I heard the Team was coming out to see me I walked out the house and disappeared into the countryside. They informed the Police and they waited for two hours before they would start to look for me. I still had to have my meeting next day, and the attitude I did not forget. You wife sounds so very unhappy and it seems She is needing someone who can in some ways calm Her mood. Patients with Depression and Anxiety sometimes will know what buttons to press as a scream for help. As mentioned you need support as well as your Wife and past problems etc need to be talked out

BOB

[Beautifulrainbow]

My heart goes out to you both at this very difficult time. Reading your post makes me sad, as your poor wife has been through alot in her life. Has she had any bereavement counselling, to talk about her losses. Maybe it might be better to organise a home visit from your gp and let him see your wife at home where she's more comfortable. I can fully understand why your wife refuses to want the crisis team, as personally for me there not very good. Her doctor could arrange some CBT or have some appointments with a Psychologist. But she defiantly needs some help as soon as possible. Stay strong I know it's hard, will she phone the Samaritans and speak to them. I really hope someone can change her way in thinking that life isn't worth living,because from reading your post she thinks that. All the best x