We need help!: Our daughter suffers... - Mental Health Sup...

Mental Health Support
24,385 members14,410 posts

We need help!

mwsimms
mwsimms
17 Replies

Our daughter suffers with mental illness but won’t go to doctors or therapy or take meds. She is 34 and lives at home. My wife and I are at out wits end and don’t know what to do. She needs help and so do we.

17 Replies
oldestnewest
Pigcat

I understand how you feel. It is really difficult when your child is unwell but will not admit it or seek help. I've been there ..

Reply
Cloud45

Parents are often at the root of their adult children's depression therefore it can be futile telling them they need help because in fact often it is the parents that need help too in order to recognise and acknowledge their part in the problem. Also, docs have little to offer except chemicals which numb out and cannot cure the symptoms. They make you feel even worse. Half alive. Therapy is limited as long term counselling is needed but not on offer. So I empathise but it is likely a systemic family problem that needs exploring, which can be very painful and difficult to do for all involved.

Reply
mwsimms
mwsimms
in reply to Cloud45

We would also seek help but not sure what direction to go in

Reply
Mhatso

Hi there. Perhaps she needs someone to talk to that empathises with her like I and others so desperately need. I myself have OCD and I am really depressed.

I helped another mum on the OCD UK forum with her daughter a couple of years ago and now she's getting better thankfully. We talk every day still.

For me, being triggered by something we are not happy with is extremely stressful and damaging and especially if we beg to reason about it with the person that is triggering us and does not care to listen risks permanently damaging us which I am currently a victim of. I feel people really need to at least try to understand and not to try and make things worse by ignoring us as to why we are being triggered as that is going to not make us ever come out of our shells.

If I am right then perhaps she would feel better herself being on here talking to people like her?

Reply
Mazda2
Mazda2
in reply to Mhatso

Hi Mhatso I'm like I, suffer from OCD, depression and, anxiety and the OCD for me me is pretty bad were I have to have everything in order, straight and even with the towels they have to be the right way round. My biggest trigger is, when people deliberately move or change things. The only place I feel at ease is in my bedroom, where I know things are left as they are. It is so frustrating for people like us, it's a daily thing we have to do, even if they say leave its OK like that I can't. It can be really hard for us at times, because people, just don't get it.

1 like
Reply
Mhatso
Mhatso
in reply to Mazda2

Completely agree and empathise with you. I like things left the way I like them too. I have little vision so it's easier to know things where I left them too. My sanctuary is my bedroom too.

Reply
SoporRose

May I ask where you live? Different regions have different resources. We might be able to help more if we knew where you are.

Ruth

1 like
Reply
mwsimms
mwsimms
in reply to SoporRose

Huntington, WV

Reply
SoporRose
SoporRose
in reply to mwsimms

West Virginia! So obviously the UK's NHS is not available to you, but try your local United Way:

unitedwayrivercities.org

Even if they can't help you directly, they can probably direct you to resources that can.

Also check out NAMI:

nami.org/Local-NAMI?state=WV

CALL THE NAMI HELPLINE

800-950-NAMI

info@nami.org

M-F, 10 AM - 6 PM ET

FIND HELP IN A CRISIS OR TEXT "NAMI" TO 741741

NAMI has resources and support for family members:

nami.org/Find-Support/Famil...

Huntington seems to have a wealth of mental health services:

google.com/search?client=sa...

I'm sure you're exhausted, but when you have the energy, start calling and asking for help. Even if your daughter won't go, get therapy for yourselves. A good therapist — find one who is SMART — will be able to connect you to other parents, provide you with strategies, help you maintain perspective (it can get difficult to judge your own experiences when you're caught up in a stressful situation, especially when it's your child and your heart is breaking and your spirit is worn), and support you in your struggles. I know CLOUD45 above suggested that you get therapy because "Parents are often at the root of their adult children's depression," but I'm not recommending counseling for that reason. Depression is often genetic; a decent therapist will help you, not blame you.

Talk to friends, to your doctors. You never know from where help will come, and you'll probably be surprised how many other people are dealing with similar problems.

I hope some of the above leads you to the help you need. Depression is a terrible, terrifying disease, and not everyone responds to treatment. Do what you can to take care of yourselves.

Ruth

Reply
Pearl67

I am so very sorry. For us it is our 30 yr old son. We have offered to see his counselor in an attempt to help him. And for that matter help us.

It is so sad and terrifying all wrapped into one. My heart goes out to you. It is a helpless feeling and it triggers my anxiety and depression as well.

Medication has its place and I have had family members gain a new life from it. Is always necessary? No. Is it a perfect solution every time? No. But it has saved several people in my life and even enhanced their life!

I send hugs and prayers to you. May your daughter trust your love for her and seek help! 🙏🏼

1 like
Reply
guitara69

Maybe she would be willing to talk to a therapist. Maybe if you said you feel having problems at home obviously all of you and you’re sorry and you’re not communicating well together it would be better if she talked to someone else about her feelings and you will too. Hell you guys could just go for coffee. If you look around there is likely support groups for support for mentally ill family members. Look on line call social services so forth maybe mental health services. My friend did that where I live for his son as he was paralyzed by what was going on and he got ideas from other families.

Reply
themagicattic

Stop writing to me. WW

Reply
borderriever

Welcome

Because your daughter is an adult, you will have problems gaining treatment for her as an adult. However it may be possible to have words with Her Doctor. Or contact NHS Information on Tel 111 and explain Her Problems. If in Crisis

Can you explain where you are in the World or if you are in the UK, sometimes we have people from America etc. We can help wherever. We try and give support.

How is your Daughter presenting Her illness. Do you know what has caused her Depression. To know the problems can sometimes help in addressing it.

BOB

1 like
Reply
Kkimm

Really sorry to hear what you are going through. It must be devastating to see your child suffer and not be able to help.

Kim

1 like
Reply
Mia51

Know the feeling all too late

Reply
indervir

Try getting her a carer, that might work magic or friend, relative to visit and intervene

Reply
TyrSwmrSAC

I know exactly what you are going through. Our family has had issues with mental illness. First of all, you can go the National Alliance for Mental Ilnness or NAMI for short. There are resources on their website you will find very help. You can also contact your local Department of Human Services for your county or city for resource help.

Years ago my father could no longer handle my younger sister and he just couldn't take the stress any longer. He gave up, however another sibling contacted me and I took up the charge. I found my sister suffering from severe psychotic episodes. Her behavior were a danger to herself and to others. I had no legal right to touch her, but a moral responsibility for her. I chose to contact the police. Upon showing up and talking to us both, they started to believe it was a domestic issue out of their control. However I told them the situation and told them if they waited long enough they would see her dangerous behaviors that made her unfit to care for herself. Sure enough my sister couldn't maintain the image of being rational. Much to my absolute pain the offices took her into custody and took her to the nearest emergency room for a 72 hr psychiatric hold. It was the emergency psychiatric doctors opinion she needed to be transferred to a psychiatric hospital for care and treatment despite my sister's complete objection. She got treatment she needed along with medication to stable out her condition. It took time to find the right fit that gave her back 80 to 85 % of her norm. if that's the right term for it. It was a tough and painful journey to that point. She is functional while she is on medication, however anytime off the medications and she reverts back to unstable behaviors. Sometimes it occurs because the medications lose they effectiveness or times the medications side effects are more dangerous to her vital organ. At these times the need to change to another mix of psych medications are found. The road will be difficult but with the right treatment and care, she can live a pretty close to normal life. This was my experience with my sister. Our mother had a similar story however back in the 70's the medications were not as diverse to chose from as they are today. If you would like to private message me feel free.

Reply

You may also like...