Throwback Thursday

[Skye_Ify]

Hi All,

Am fresh new to this site, thank you for having me, and to anyone who is reading this..I try and keep it brief so am not producing an essay. Lol

I lost control today, I am finding I am so many different people which is naturally exhausting. I have always struggled with low mood, well not always, but for a long time I feel down in mood, I get that “and what next” feeling after any achievement I make. On paper I live a good life, if you classify materials as living the good life (I don’t) I just ain’t seemed to be able to shift the depressive mood today, I’ve screamed at my children and man, I kinda knew me feeling to happy these past days was bound to end. I have issues committing to anything, jobs come and go, i appear upbeat and the right fit for most jobs, but lasting for over 12months has happened in one job, and even then I struggled, that was only 2 a week, term time only.

Am trying to do everything but end up doing nothing, says turn in to weeks, weeks to years. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything but have become my own Physcologist, and I feel I have personality disorder, bipolar and depression, oh and PTSD following on from DV I suffered, well survived.

I have two children I have raised singled handed, with zero help or support from my family which used to hurt but with an 18yr time line I have gotten over it.

I have 3 new job opportunity but I am worried I will mess up and not commit. I’ve added a pile of weights as well, I feel mentally and emotionally slow and bored of life. Both my children have autism, the man am with doesn’t get to give me space and can somehow be suffocating, I don’t want a relationship with him but have no choice as he won’t move on or accept my request, his draining to the core, i end up crying after just being in a room with him, his in denial and blame, he is unemployed, needy, clingy and has some form of mental health disorder.

Guys, am sorry for rambling on, it was supposed to be short, but I hate me right now. If we all die anyway what’s the point............

I’ve suffered DV 3x

Robed at knife point

Abortions

Rape

Held a knife to my throat by ex.

Beaten to near death

I am generally happy, mediation has been helping me but at the same time bringing up events like the above. Both my heartbeats have autism.

[Skye_Ify]

I feel like my life has been stolen.

[Beautifulrainbow in reply to Skye_Ify]

Bless you I really do feel for you, life sucks at the moment and I understand that. I really hope this talking therapy works because you so deserve a better life than you've got, keep talking we are all here for you. X

[senorab12]

You’ve been through a lot, I think you’re feeling this way because it’s still all inside you, you haven’t got the chance to talk it out long enough. I think you should try to solve this conflicts first, maybe that’s why you feel you’re different people. You are a very strong person and brave for talking about it, but I think you should go to someone so that way they can help you get through it all.

[Skye_Ify in reply to senorab12]

Thank you so much for reaching out, your words made me cry, yes I think I need to process these emotions with a professional. I feel much better through talking threapy which I start next week.

Hope you are good? ♥️

[senorab12 in reply to Skye_Ify]

I’m here if you need me🧡

[Hidden]

Hello Welcome. thank you for coming on this sight, Are you having any treatment for PTSD, Talking Therapy should help you get over your attack and associated Fears linked to unpleasant memories.

It is hard to pull back and come to terms with what happened to you, you need to put your fears to rest and look forward to a positive future.

If not already your Doctor should be able to put you on a correct pathway to move on. He will relate.

BOB

[Skye_Ify in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much Bob. Appreciated