Feel discriminated against due to poor mental health...

[Kaytee1981]

This might be long, I apologise... bit of background my depression and anxiety seemed to 'kick off' about a year ago when I began self harming (37yrs) and having suicidal thoughts, then soon after I took an overdose and ended up in a mental hospital for 4months where I was diagnosed with treatment resistant depression and anxiety. I've had a month subsequent admission and several overdoses.

So I've been off work for 11months and occupational health have signed me fit to return to light duties on reduced hours but my manager has been very reluctant/slow/difficult (cant prove anything but I was fit 25-9-19) to provide me with work and due to the length of my sickness I'm now on no pay which is causing additional stress. I was really keen to get back to work but I dont want to be there if I'm gonna be a burden or people are going to be watching me - concerned I might do something 'silly' I've already been told I got to be desk based rather than on the ward (I work in a hospital).

Then as a result of the crap that's happened this year mine and my husband marriage is not in a good shape, well close to breaking, so we went to Relate couples counselling service, but they arent prepared to counsel me as they prioritise safety over counselling- I tried to explain that i need support with my relationship to help with mental health and that as I have additional support from my CPN (mental health nurse) it's best to do it now - they declined saying they could counsel my husband on his own.

Then there is my CPN, I see weekly for a chat, I need more than a chat - shes dealt with crisis's as they've come up but that's about it. I need psychology but I can't be referred to them unless I'm stable with work and my relationship but how can i get sorted if people hold my mental health against me?

I feel like I'm now going to have this stigma attached to me - I have significant self harm scars anyway so it's not like I can hide it. I thought in 2019 having a mental illness shouldn't stop you getting support or being subject to other people's perceptions and pre-judgements?

Just feel cross - I needed to rant - i don't have friends to share with.

Katy x

[Hidden]

Twinnings in UK help with mild to moderate mental health problems but I am wondering if there is an organisation that would be able to help you back to work. Speak to GP/doctor or recovery team or group that is helping you to recover, find out about support groups or charities that help.

[Kaytee1981 in reply to Hidden]

My CPN is very keen for me to return to work - she thinks it will be very beneficial for my recovery but even with her input my manager is dragging her feet - I have s meeting on Thursday next week so I'm hoping that she has sorted a position for me but I'm not holding my breath!

[lifted in reply to Kaytee1981]

Hi , I'm lifted couldn't help but cry when I read your post , just sending you a great big hug and get all the help you can regarding your well being!!

Then u can get back to work I had similar work problems , it's unbelievable what your manager has put you through and couldn't agree with you more , Mental health in the work place is still a stigma !! But wish you the best of luck and take care of yourself

Sheila x

[Kaytee1981 in reply to lifted]

Thanks lifted. It's so frustrating because the longer I'm off the harder I know its going to be going back, as it is if i see someone from work in the street i avoid them - silly i know but my anxiety does silly things. Also I'm starting to commit to things in the day time such as volunteering and a wellbeing group as i feel more up to doing things and I'd hate to let people down. I supposedly work in the 'caring' profession i don't feel very 'cared' for.