Moving on and getting over.

[Trike23]

So ive been divorced for almost 2 years now. Ive been on the dating go round for awhile also. I can honestly say ive never felt more empty and lost in my life. I managed to keep a relationship alive for almost 4mths before I totally sabotaged it. I just cant seem to fall for anyone anymore! Or maybe I just cant meet the right person? Between the dating and some of the confidence crushing dates ive been on and the pain and scars left by my ex wife I feel very broken. Since im here to be honest I find myself really missing my ex wife also! Despite all the anger and resentment and hostility I feel for her I just cant get her off my mind. Im longing for what I had with her but I wont allow myself to want it with someone else. How in the hell do you over come this mental hell? I refuse to think Im still in love with her besides even if I was those feelings would be useless to admit there is no reconsiling. How do people finally move on and get over?? God knows im trying.

[neesey1005]

Hi. I have been there done that - awful blind dates , missing my old routines and even my appalling marriage , lonely, even feeling tragic ,. But there is only one way to go - UP - you get social you get involved with people - you don't look too hard for "love" - after about 8 months isolating myself (just working) i then went swim , gym, joined a divorce club went on trips , group walks anything I was invited too - ten years later - I am now married again . moved to the country side , big circle of friends - lovely husband, cute little dog - great life (except I got fibromyalgia -). I have done it you can do it - get out in the world - and grab every opportunity to enjoy your life - don't sit at home

Home all goes well from now on

Neese.

[Hidden]

Relationships and a Marriage can become a form of habit, we see someone every day and we go through the functions of a long term relationship, it breaks down and we are left wondering what we do now and we can still compare our past relationship with a new forming one. This problem can last for a long time, as we look in on others who are different, and may have some conflicting needs compared to our last relationship

I remember my first engagement, we broke up after over three years, although the Partnership was basically not what either of us were looking for that did not help us as we again looking for someone new. It took two years before I dated once more and even then it was hard to find that ideal person who I could relate to my needs, and the female who could relate to me. However there was nothing wrong with that, second time around if looking for a new partner we accept we will pass over many before those new positive feelings we have when in love with the Right One.

Give yourself time to recover and try not to relate to what has gone before, You are beginning a new life with someone who will relate to you. Give and Take etc.

I took up dancing and I was out three nights a week, after going to classes. to learn.

and take other qualifications etc.

Try not taking dating to serious you will pass many like ships in the night before you meet that right person. Because of your past relationship you may be out of touch with the single scene. All takes time, you have hopefully learnt your lesson and now find that person who will ring all your bells and expectations.

Enjoy this new adventure

BOB

[Stilltrying_ in reply to Hidden]

Lovely reply Bob. x

[Stilltrying_]

I am learning about all of this. It takes resilience to put up with things which are not ok and yes we SO miss that which we had before when we didn't have to make the effort; even if in some ways it wasn't ok it was comfortable I guess.

I have been on my own for God knows how long. It is lonely yes but then there are times when I am glad I am on my own as I get so tired; no-one would put up with me.!

I can see it is exhausting and demoralising especially if there is a "fresh" hurt.

Maybe concentrate on relaxing a bit; in the end you will find the right person but I agree it is so demoralising. I could not go through it; it would be too much for me. I don't have energy for anything and if the first thing didn't work out I'm sorry but I would give up!

Try an interest group; something you are really passionate about. You may be lucky and meet somewhere there, although if I am honest I admit these are manytimes "dead ends" as people are usually attached... but if you really want a relationship.. keep trying..

Is there no hope of reconciliation with your ex?

[Trike23]

Well ive come to understand in my life expect the unexpected. I would say though that a reconciliation is very unlikely. Even if my ex was interested in such a thing she would never admit that to me. Plus I can afford to be in the business of false hope.

[Hidden]

It is hard to square a circle at the end of a relationship. The problem can be even when a relationship goes sour we still dwell on what if ?. Give yourself a break, looking for a new serious relationship on the rebound is never a good idea.

For example we loose our best friend our dog, rushing into a kennel for a suitable replacement in kennels straight away can open up a big can of worms, it is better to consider , to ask yourself what you want, if it is an Jack Russell you want, do not look at huskies. Going out with someone new is just the same consider your needs and stick with them. That way you will be more content and happy with your choice LOL

BOB