💩💀💤SHUTDOWN 😪

I think I am getting good at losing jobs. I should add it to the list with relationships, food, and sleeping pills. I wish someone could put me out of my misery ‼️ I just lost another job. One left. I hate myself right now...literally over the day.

[hypercat54]

Why hate yourself? Is it your fault you have all these illnesses? Of course it's not. It's very difficult to hold down a job when you are ill, so cut yourself some slack will you! I can't tell you how many jobs I had as I lost count, but eventually I found one I quite liked and stayed there for 10 years. You will too. x

[En1234]

You should read some of my posts!! I counted only this morning funnily enough that since December 2017 I have had 5 jobs. That might not seem like a lot but for someone who is used to "getting" a job and "staying", I seem to have got them and left them in record time!!

Two of these positions were in Call Centres and I convinced myself I was too old at the age of 50 to be working there (forgetting that there were actually people there who were older than me). The other 2 positions were in large Solicitors firms ( I am a qualified Legal Secretary and this is what I have been doing for at least 16 years of my life) and I applied for these jobs as I wanted to push myself. I was only ever used to working in small firms and wanted to try a bigger firm where there would be more money and better benefits to be had. (I have learned that a bigger pay cheque is not always better if the job impacts on your health!!)

The first one scared me so much that after 11 days I left one lunchtime and never returned. The HR Manager called me and said it was sad that I had left as she had had nothing but positive feedback about me and was sure I was going to do really well!! I sold myself really well at the interview but on the day of starting I kept thinking that I was doing rubbish and kept telling myself that they would sack me because I was rubbish. My imagination was running riot and I thought everyone was talking about me and discussing how "rubbish" I was. This was not happening and obviously I have my own confidence issues here.

The second job in another large firm of Solicitors ended on 6 March (only last months). I actually stayed there for 7 months and although it was a horrible place and some of the women were particularly bitchy, I still felt I was not "good enough" and once again I left at lunchtime (although this time I told the HR person I was leaving and would not be back - they were not very happy about this but I felt it was the right thing for me to do - I hated it!!). I seem to have so little confidence in myself that I keep thinking they are going to think I am rubbish and will sack me anyway so I will just leave. (Apparently there is a thing called "Imposter Syndrome" and this is where you are constantly feeling like you are a fraud and that eventually you will be found out!!?? Even after my 3 months probationary period and an interview with the main Partner of the firm who told me I was doing really well, this was still not enough to convince me to stay (there were other factors as well but I wont go into this).

I was supposed to start another new job today but this starting date has been put back until next Monday. I just want to settle somewhere and belong so I am going to try extra hard to keep this one..

These are my reasons for not being able to keep a job. I think lots of us cant seem to hold on to employment for one reason or another so you are not alone in that!! I don't know the full story of why you have lost your job but I am sure you will find something else so please don't give up hope.

I think having your head and mind in a good place is more important than any job and once you have this you can deal this things better.

I am sorry this post has gone on for so long, it wasn't my intention but I hope you feel better soon!!..

Lots of love to you!!

T. XXX