Scared to Death, but Ready to Change

I never really had panic attacks, but maybe this one qualifies. My heart has been racing, I'm nauseous, & it's really hard to concentrate. I have the lease to an apartment. It's going to be expensive, but I know I have to do this. I am terrified of this move. Why I am this scared, I don't know. I am sad, deeply sad that, yet again, my life has taken a sharp turn in a different direction. When you're in your 20's change is exciting. In your 30's it's a new adventure, & in your 40's it may be a necessity. I'm almost 54 & it is scary. I really thought I had my path forward, with the people I thought I would be with, but I was wrong. I'm going to miss him, my good mode boyfriend. I won't miss the rages, the sneaking, the lying, and the attempts at cheating. I won't miss his crazy family. I will miss the backyard with all the birds, the fox, the racoons, & the deer. I'll miss them terribly. I pray I don't back out!!

12 Replies

  • Hi it is scary to have to make such a major change in your life, to go from a failed relationship to living on your own again. And yes it will be lonely at first but I have never heard of anyone who in the long term regrets leaving an abusive relationship. Most wish they had done it many years ago.

    Don't forget that once you are free again though you can move on and maybe you will find love in your life again. You certainly won't where you are now will you?

    So don't back out, take the apartment and look forward to having your life back. x

  • Making changes to your life after so long is never easy, although eventually you will hopefully understand why the move was needed and you will feel much more whole and relaxed.

    I am in my mid sixties and made massive changes and now I am more relaxed and calm, like me you need now to start your new life choices. You will also make new friends and that can be very liberating, to start again

    Try not dwelling on your past you have moved away from that part of your life, Eventually you may also find that house and garden you miss, give yourself time to breath once more.


  • Thanks, Bob.

  • It was a bit different for you Bob as you moved with your life partner to another area completely. It's very different moving on your own and starting again on your own. x

  • Hello Bev

    Yes I know that about my life changes.

    Generally people cannot take on changes like mine, we were very lucky that it worked.

    To try and move on does not take massive life changes, small positive changes may be all that is needed, all people are different and situations do change. We all look for chances, We need to see those and run with them

    I look on these changes as little steps, lead to medium steps etc.

    We all need to address our concerns if possible and move on, As you know I was like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a car, I just could not move. I was lucky the car did not hit me


  • Please DO NOT back out. Just take a deep breath and do what you surely KNOW needs to be done.

    See this as being a marvellous new adventure. A fresh start!

    Fear not. Instead, trust in your journey.

    Keep us posted please.

    Best wishes!

  • Thank you. I just signed the lease & I can't stop shaking.

  • WOO HOO!!! You'll stop shaking eventually and when you do, smile broadly. I know you said the place was expensive but in all honesty, there is NO price on personal safety, self-respect and good mental health.

    I really do believe you'll be okay. I need for you to believe it too x

  • Thank you so much. Today I really needed that!

  • My pleasure ☺x

  • I know how you feel we took out an additional mortgage for two years, if our old house did not sell we may have been in trouble.

    Good luck with your move, New Start, New Year.


  • Well, I signed the lease and reserved the movers. I'm sitting watching tv with my bf now. I feel a bit guilty, but I kniw this quiet will not last. I know something trivial will set him off again. So I know I made the right choice. I just need to balance out this quiet with packing unnoticed until the middle of January. I can't wait until February when this has passed. For now, I'm just tired and need sleep.

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