Emotionally not fine

Hello,

Since so many months, i having been suffering from emotional pain. I lost an opportunity to work abroad which was my dream and doing efforts for another opportunity dream job seems not sure within me. My pet died, which i loved so much. After one month, i was having differences between me and my boyfriend. Days turned into two months, i was still having issues with him. Yet, i was trying harder to solve it. But nothing solved. Instead, my boyfriend cheated on me and having conversations with his ex girlfriend who was already married. His ex girlfriend said that she will divorce his current husband if she has to... just to care for my boyfriend. I talked to my boyfriend but he said there's nothing between them. There was a big discussion between us in front of the public and friends. I told him he has to chose else i will go away from his life. He called me and said there's nothing between me and him. So i should not try to call him back. I called him numerous times but answer my call only once. I begged him not to leave me but in vain.

I even got hospitalised from not eating for so many days, i called him and messaged him that i'm not well. But he never answered me. I was telling him i'm hospitalised and i needed him with me. But no use. After that i left my job where we worked. I'm unemployed and my family got to know our break up. I don't pester him anymore. But i still think about him... i can smile any time thinking about him and suddenly i get angry that he left me, saying that we are incompatible.

Then i started to realise i missed everything i lost, i no longer have friends. I miss him deeply despite being angry with him, i miss his mom, his family, him, my deceased dog, my deceased father who died 21 years before, the people i knew when i was with him, my job. Staying at home, nothing to do in life... i feel i lost everything. Feeling unmotivated to search another job and i lost that willingness. Days passed, i started getting issues with my family that i should not go out with all kinds of boys. Else people will blame me for having different relationships with boys. I replied to my family that'' i lost everything and the life i wanted so badly. Now i have nothing. I'm not thinking about marriage and don't know how i could love my ex when i always wanted to be single. I'm going out with a friend, he is just a friend.''

They didn't let me go out in the evening so i thrown all the money my mom gave me for a course since i was unemployed. The day after, without telling my family i sneaked from the house to meet my friends. When i was with him, he was trying to hold my hands. I tried to push his hands, but was insisting to hold his hands. At that time, i tried to calm myself. After coming home, my family got to know i went out without telling anyone. Nobody is talking to me because of this.

After two days, i was still frustrated that my mom was maybe right. i told him that why he was insisting to hold my hands. I don't love him and he should respect the privacy of my phone because he can't use my phone without asking me. Then he was angry and told me that he thought we were good friends and not to talk to him again. I know his intention wasn't quite good because years before he tried to kiss me but i pushed him. Today i went to see a job recruiter for abroad but he saw the lack of confidence which i always had. He says i need some courses in my life before interview of this job. But i'm not feeling right to go, i'm emotionally not fine and i can't judge if the person is trying to steal my money. I have nobody now.

I'm sorry for this. Can anyone help me please?

[Delzek]

I did reply to this post but can't seem to find it????

[Hidden in reply to Delzek]

No, i didn't find your reply