WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?...

[En1234]

Sounds very clichéd but feel as though my life is one big rollercoaster. One minute Im up, next minute Im really down. I have after only just 7 months managed to get myself settled in a new job and even that has been a struggle. I have had to put up with ignorant people, bitchiness and the horrible feeling that comes over you when you DONT get invited to things and then have to listen to everyone rave on about how great it was. I tried to speak to my mother about this and she told me I was "over sensitive" "probably creating a bad atmosphere at work for myself" and "making a rod for my own back". That is just the work side of things. My mother is 70 and a young 70 at that but recently she has been going back and forward to the doctors and the hospital with her health although she doesn't talk about what the doctors say etc.

My brother is a drug addict and my mum has had his son since he was aged 12 weeks old and she has been bringing him up the way she has saw fit. My brother has been told that under no circumstances, because of his continuing habit, that he will never have his son in his sole custody. His son (my nephew) is now 14 years old. My mum had social workers up last week asking what would happen to my nephew if she died..?? They are coming back today to ask her to give them a name. My mum has spoken a lot about death lately and I don't know if she is hiding something from me. I have a very small flat and my 19 year old son still lives with me. When my nephew came along my son was very young and missed out on a lot of care and attention from his gran as she was so busy caring for the new grandson. My mum and dad then split up as my father wasn't up to bringing up another baby at his age!. My brother and me have no other siblings. My brother's drug habit has completely split our family and has caused nothing but chaos. My nephew's mother was found dead in her flat 3 years ago because of her continuing drug abuse. I feel that I have always had this thing hanging over me that if anything were to happen to my mum then my nephew would come to me. I feel like a bad person because I resent this..?? I only had one and couldn't have another because I did not have the funds nor did I have the room. My mum keeps saying "Its OK, its nothing for you to feel bad about, I know you cant take him". Its not that I don't want to but I genuinely don't have room. But there is a part of me thinking why should I be bringing up someone else's child when he gets to live his life exactly as he likes with no responsibility. I have had to work since I was 16 and I am now 53. My mum took this wee one on but now she is going to have to hand him over because she may not be there for him in the future and I know our extended family will assume that I will take him and I am going to look like the big baddie if I don't. I feel as though someone else is mapping my life out for me. Social services have said they cannot re-house me but I have nowhere to put him!! I feel sorry for my nephew because its not his fault and he is not a parcel to be just passed about but I don't know what to think.. (well that's not true, I do know how I feel but hate myself for feeling like it!!).

Am I just selfish?? Every morning I waken up, having had very little sleep and constantly worry over the course of the day. I have worked so hard since last year to get where I am today and now feel that it is going to have been all for nothing. I don't feel as though I am in control of my own life any more and for the things my mum said to me about my work, I don't even know if I want to even go and visit her any more!!

Can someone please give me some advice here...I just don't know what to do!! XXX

[kenster1]

hi if social services want you to look after your nephew then they would hav to rehouse you its not like its two brothers.

[kenster1 in reply to kenster1]

even try for a swap in your local area and say its for exceptional circumstances.

[TayM]

Carry on working and doing what you need to do to provide for you and your son. You need to talk to social services yourself and make them understand you don’t physically have the room to look after him.. and it sounds to me your mum is fed up with looking after him.. xx

[hypercat54]

Well to be honest my first thought would be to ask your mother what is wrong with her if anything? It nothing really is then it might just be a case of social services needing a back up name for taking in your nephew just in case. Don't forget he is 14 now and in another few years will be leaving home and living his own life. x

[Hidden]

If you feel unable to cope with your Nephew, Social Services need to jump in and decide on a way forward. Your Brother, a druggie or not has decisions to make and He will need to step up on the plate and make some decisions and take responsibility for actions taken fourteen years age. Where is the Mother , does She not have some say for the bringing up of this Teen.

If Social Services are becoming involved, someone has approached them. They seem to be preparing family members for a serious decision to be taken. It may be your Mother is concerned regarding Her Future and you need to sit down and talk to Her.

I know in my case I had a real eye opener when I reached sixty eight, something seems to hit as we approach the three score years and ten, it may be He Health is beginning to fail. It does not mean the prognosis is terminal, Pensioners get disabilities and they are not as

efficient and become slower and need help. It may be the situation in the family is becoming more dynamic and changes are going to be needed. Your Mam needs help

BOB

[Snipergj]

Hi, I just want you to know that your very first priority should be you. If you are not well, you need to get better yourself first. You need not carry this burden on your shoulders of whether your mom is hiding health issues, or who is responsible for your nephew etc. Its not your responsibility and it doesn't matter what others say because they are going to have their opinion anyway and judge you. That's not a reflection of who you are, that's a reflection of who they are. In my opinion, take care of you first, try your best at your job, kill them with kindness, take care of numero uno first, YOU.

[Stilltrying_]

Eb1234 you are often in my thoughts and it's lovely to see you posting again, even though I can see you are going through a hard time. I have PM'd you. I am not in a good state myself unfortunately and so not very able to answer your actual query. I hope you feel a little better today.

Please feel free to PM me. I am not up to a phone call at the moment as feel absolutely wrotten. It's just some stupid psychotherapist has "pronounced" on me and I feel shattered and crashed once again, but will pick up. You are my friend. Sending lots of hugs and looking forward to if/when we meet . x gemma

[En1234 in reply to Stilltrying_]

I've sent you a PM.. XXXX