One of the things I have learnt the hard way is the dangers of burying feelings and thoughts. I looked for love and affirmation in the wrong places this week so I woke up this morning with a level of depression and fleeting suicidal thoughts, that I have not known for a long time.
My pride cried out to ignore the situation because to a large extent it was self afflicted. Yet to do so would only empower the depression. So I am putting it out there. I have had a setback. It’s scary and painful but I know it will pass.
I have taken concrete steps to ensure I cannot go down the rabbit hole of false love again. I know willpower isn’t enough.
I was imagining I could pursue a relationship that in reality is probably unrealistic and most likely unhelpful. I have an Internet filter on my pc but it was easy just to turn it off. So I have changed the password to a word in Thai so it is completely secure now.
We all need love but first you must love yourself. Find interests and activites and let your personality grow and develop your intellect!
Madness isn't it how so many of us look for love and grasp at the totally wrong candidates as we seek validation and yearn love to fit in with what society deems correct for us - Meet someone, fall in love, have a family and live happily ever after .. It just does not work like that .. Looking for it like you have found out can divert us to the wrong places as too I have found out many years ago .. I have learnt that if love is meant to find us it will but we have to be ready and able to give and receive with an open heart .. Many of us are just not that including myself .. For one minute I am not saying you are not ready .. Please try not to let it bring you down .. You have the power to divert those downward spiralling feelings as they do not belong inside you .. We are masters of our minds
Try not wearing your love on a sleeve.
Sometimes we all make that error, we need to move on and learn from experience.
It can become a time in life where we settle and understand our needs, love in the first instance can be to early, however companionship and learning about that person is much more important. Given that we begin to understand if the person is honest and possibly can show compassion. Love and sex are later on, trust is needed as a number one concern when we require an ear to listen to us.
We learn from errors made you sound hurt enough to learn and not make that error again.
Move on, be thankful you got out of a relationship to was going down the wrong footpath
Hi this is very common and I think we all do it. I too have found out that burying feelings and emotions is a double edged sword, and if not dealt with the boxes in your head that hold them start leaking and poisoning your present and future.
I don't know whether you are seeing a counsellor but it might be a good idea as they can help you find the path to healing. x
I am not currently seeing a counsellor but I wouldn’t hesitate to if things went south again. Last year I stopped seeing my psychologist and then ended up being hospitalised with a suicide attempt. Being in the psych hospital was some of the best 3 weeks of my life. Learnt so much and healed so much.
I am sitting on a balcony now listening to the surf from the tenth floor of a hotel. I am here for six nights and intend to reread all my notes from the hospital. I think I had become prematurely overconfident about how I was doing.
I also made the mistake of thinking I could play with fire and not get burnt.
Lucky you on holiday. Yes it can be tricky to work out where you are coming from sometimes and very painful to face buried feelings, after all we buried them for very good reasons. A good counsellor will provide a safe place and pointers to help guide you. x
Yes, it's not possible ( to play with fire and not get burnt) Keep it safe. Very safe. Boring ( maybe) but safe. Safety is paramount for people like us..
Take the time to know yourself and to grieve the losses and heartache in your life and it's impact on you. Many of us adults are " forgotten mourners" while we are in adult bodies we are still struggling with repressed feelings from childhood which in my case distorted my interpretation of the world and my relationship with others as well as my expectations of life.
It has taken me a long time ( timeline is different for everybody) to accept myself and to recognise my strengths and talents. I have also learned of the high cost of repressed feelings to my mental and physical health.
It has been a wild ride at times but the quality of my life has a richness to it that I've never known before.
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Looking for some reassurance 
2018 aint beating me ... to many bruises already.
Looking for guidance and support 
Tired
