What to do..??

[En1234]

At my work last Wednesday, all of our computers crashed and I had a load of filing which had been there since before I started with the Firm (I have been there for 2 months now and it has been great!). I thought, this time will give me time to get some of this filing up to date. My boss told me to ask the others in the office for some help. He said "there are people sitting at their desks doing nothing. I dont know what Suzanne is doing, go and ask her to help you"..

I went over and told Suzanne that my boss had told me to ask her to help (I might add that at this point I felt very uncomfortable as the look on Suzanne's face was very "challenging" to say the least). She said "No..I have a sore shoulder and I am not going to start pulling files out and doing filing when my shoulder is supposed to be healing" (She did have a sling on it but it had been off for a few days and I forgot about her sore shoulder).. She then went on to say "what exactly did he say?"...At this point I tried to lighten the atmosphere (I also have a very dry sense of humour) by saying "He told me to tell Suzanne to get off her backside and help with the filing" I then told her I was only joking and that if her shoulder was still sore then that was fair enough. No harm done. (Suzanne is a very loud character and is always laughing and joking so I knew/thought it would have been safe to try joking with her and lighten what was becoming a very uncomfortable situation)

I sat back down at my desk but Suzanne kept calling people over to her desk to tell them that "Theresa has just come over here and said blah, blah, blah". She just couldnt help telling everyone. I went over to her and said I didnt think there was any malice intended and that he had only suggested that if she could help then, would she.. She seemed to be very offended at having been asked..?? (I dont think it would have mattered HOW she was asked, I think she would always have said NO and I think she was always going to be offended).

That was on Thursday and on Friday before going home, the systems were still down all day. Suzanne came up to me and told me that she had put in a complaint to our HR Department and she asked me to tell her again what my boss had said to her. She told HR that he had sworn and asked me what swear words it was he had used. I told her that he DIDNT swear that I dont know where she got that from..?? I went up to HR to put them right but they had all gone home. This girl is obviously out to stir up trouble and to be fair I think my boss should have asked her himself and not sent me to do his work for him as I feel l have been used like some "piggy in the middle". It has spoiled my whole weekend, I know I am going to have to go to HR first thing tomorrow morning and explain my side of things. I will NOT have her putting words in my mouth and will certainly not lie. I now feel like I have started trouble when all I did was what my boss had told me to do..I have only been there coming up 2 months. I dont know if there is history between the two of them or if she plainly does not like my boss or if she has told so many other people that they have all been goading her on to go to HR..?? What do you think..?? Am I over reacting now..?? This is just not sitting very comfortably with me..

Would appreciate your views. (I know to some people that this will seem petty, and in some ways it does to me too but this has really got me worried.?).

Thanks

Theresa.. XXX

[hypercat54]

Hi this isn't petty at all if it's worrying you. It is not a nice situation is it but all you can do is speak to HR and tell them what your boss said. Just make a plan of what you will say and do when you see them, then you will be able to put it to the back of your mind. Any thoughts that come in uninvited just ignore and try and concentrate on nicer things.

I have spent weekends like this when I was working too and I found the above worked for me. x

[En1234 in reply to hypercat54]

Hi there!! Hope you are good and thanks for your post.. The sensible side of me is telling me that I have done nothing wrong but there is that "nagging" side that is telling me that I probably should NOT have tried to make a joke out of it as I think maybe she has taken this the wrong way. I feel like I have been put in a position through no fault of my own but I am the one who is going to get slated for it...Things have been going so well. The last thing I need, especially so early on, is a reputation for being a trouble maker. I have been going in, getting my head down and working hard. I have made a few friends along the way (Suzanne, I thought being one of them). I now feel I have to take a step back as all the wariness and the feelings of mis-trust have come back into my life. If she had such a problem with being asked to help me, why didnt she go and speak to my boss directly. Getting a third party involved, makes a messy situation even messier. Seven weeks in and already I am caught up in an office brawl!!!

I just know I am not going to sleep well tonight!!

XXXX

[hypercat54 in reply to En1234]

Some people like to create drama in their lives and others and it sounds like this woman is one of them, so my advice is to stay clear and refuse to get caught in it. I bet your boss (and your colleagues) also know what she like and I wonder if that's why your manager asked you to ask her rather than doing it themselves?

As long as you stay calm and focused about it you will come across in a far better light then she does! x

[En1234 in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks Hyper. I really appreciate your comments here. I have just come in from my walk. I have been out for just over an hour and a half and the wind and the rain did not bother me one little bit. I have got it straight in my head what I will say tomorrow. I actually feel quite sorry for my boss. I think with all the computer systems going down and staying down for 2 days, people trying to find jobs to keep themselves busy and IT not being able to fix things, he has enough on his plate without this petty nonsense into the bargain.

I will go to HR in the morning and explain things from my side and I will make it clear that he definitely did not curse. This is something and nothing. As far as I am concerned she has blown the whole thing out of proportion. If she wants drama in her life then she can keep me out of it. Ive had enough drama in my life thank you very much. I wont say anything to my boss as I think this will just make me look as though I am running to him and telling tales. But HR will probably let him know that I had gone in first thing to put them in the picture.

I'll send you a message tomorrow and let you know how it went. As someone who tends to worry about things in general, Ive no doubt in my mind that mine was the only weekend spent being anxious about this but hopefully it will blow over.

Thanks again.

Theresa..XXX

[Stilltrying_ in reply to En1234]

Fingers crossed Theresa. Sounds like you have it straight in your mind now. It would have upset me as well if I were in your position. Please do let us know how you get on.

xx

[En1234 in reply to Stilltrying_]

Lovely to hear from you Gemma and I hope you are OK too. I understand that to a lot of people, this might not seem as bad as some other posts on here, but before I started my new job 2 months ago I constantly felt as though I was walking a tightrope. Sometimes, I could walk in a straight line for ages and things were fine, sometimes there was a wobble and I either had to give myself a good talking to or come on here for advice and support (which I always got in abundance) and there was one or two times when I fell off!! Falling off was the easy bit, getting back up and back on was the hard bit but I knew that I had to. This is just another wobble and this morning I will go in and speak to the HR Dept and put my side across. I will keep it simple. I have to also need to bear in mind that this girl is not complaining about me but about my boss. The only thing I have a problem with is that she told HR that I had told HER that my boss had used bad language, which is what I need to make clear. He absolutely did not and I dont know why she would say that. I have my suspicions that she really just does not like him and any excuse to throw him under a bus, she will take.

That said, I cannot wait until the end of the day and I can come home knowing it has been dealt with.

Will keep you posted and you take care Mrs!! (Remember, you know where I am!!)..

Theresa.. XXX

[Tikirob]

Hey...sounds like my old job! Please first and foremost take a deep mental note that where you work is toxic and you are a good person. How do I know that because ‘you’ actually have some social sensitivity to the situation you were thrown into and your boss and the lady who called people over to her desk do not. I worked in a toxic office for 13 years. No matter how I played my cards the dealer always won in the long run. I think although you may need this job you have every right to let both your boss and this lady know that you feel uncomfortable with the situation you have been thrown into. Otherwise keep doing you job day today as best as you can and telling yourself, “one day I will work with good people like myself.” If the gossip gets loud put on headphones and YouTube motivational speaking. You were just exposed to toxicity and my heart goes out to you.

[sfortne]

Suzanne is trouble and most likely a drama queen. Sounds like you already have it fixed in your mind what to say to HR, and you really do need to clear your bosses name. Cut negative people out of your life, and Suzanne is definitely a negative person. Gravitate toward the positive people at your work. Everyone has issues at work or in life that they worry about. Just decide what is right and just, and focus on that. Good luck to you.

[Stilltrying_]

How did you get on?

[En1234]

Hi there!! Just a quick thank you to you all for your kind words and support. Please know that it is very much appreciated!!

d

I was actually very proud of the way I handled things today. When I went in I spoke to the HR lady and she was lovely. She listened to what I had to say and she told me she believed me. She didnt actually "say" she didnt believe Suzanne but her body language and her facial expressions told me that this was probably one problem she could do without. She told me to just get on with my day and not worry about anything.

I went downstairs and my boss was passing and asked me if I had had a good weekend. I said I had and then I asked if I could have a word when he had time. He told me to go into his office and I explained what had happened on Friday as a result of him asking me to ask Suzanne to help me on Thursday. He was shocked at the pettiness of her actions and could not apologise enough to me for putting me in that position and said he did not think she would have reacted in the way she did. Needless to say, everything is fine and I had a really good day. My boss told me he appreciated the fact that I had kept him in the loop as nobody at that point had told him anything, so at least if/when HR do approach him it will not come as a shock and he will be ready for them.

I will be very wary of Suzanne in future as I now know that she is capable of lying and will think nothing of trying to land someone in it just to get her way. Its true what they say about living and learning but nevertheless it wont deter me so....onwards and upwards!!

Thanks again

Theresa XXXX

[slightlyjaded in reply to En1234]

I think the way you handled the situation was perfect!

Some people are just crabby/snotty people. Clearly your coworker is one of those.

[En1234 in reply to slightlyjaded]

Thank you so much. I try every day to keep things as simple as possible. Go to work, get my head down and do my job as best I can. If I can make friends and have a laugh on the way, then thats a bonus but at the end of the day, I need to bear in mind the reason I am there. We live and learn every day.....no matter what age.

I hope you have a good day today!! XXXXX

[Stilltrying_]

Well done you!!!!!! xxxxxxxx

[clovislorry]

Hey Theresa, I missed your post before but just wanted to say I think you handled that situation very well, and probably gained a lot of respect from your boss and HR too. Other than that incident I hope the job is continuing to go well for you.

Lorraine x

[En1234 in reply to clovislorry]

Hi Lorraine...Its really lovely to hear from you and I hope you are OK yourself!! :-).

I am loving my job and this is the first time I have come across any sort of conflict but I think I did handle it quite well. The person in question has obviously been "chatting" to certain other people in the office because these certain other people, who have been nothing but friendly towards me every day, didnt really have a lot to say to me today but passed HER desk regularly where there was lots of whispering and silly laughing but I was getting ignored. But do you know something Lorraine ??, I carried on with my day, speaking to everyone, including her and her pals and MADE them speak to me. I thought if they have a problem with me then they can tell me to my face. I have not said a bad word about her to anyone so if she is saying things about me, she is only making herself look bad.

I have come too far and have waited too long for this job to come along. I am getting great benefits and really good wages and NOBODY is going to take this from me. Been in this position before and learned all the lessons I needed to learn the last time!!... :-).

Thank you so much for your message and remember I am here for you too...anytime!!

Lots of Love..

Theresa.. XXXX

[clovislorry in reply to En1234]

Oh well done Theresa. It's not easy to be unaffected by this sort of petty behaviour. Especially at moments when you might be feeling low or unsure. You're doing so well. But you know, if this silent bullying (for that is what it is) carries on or gets any worse, I'd suggest you speak to your boss and/or HR again for some support. You are so right - you waited a long time and kissed a lot of frogs before this opportunity came along and nobody has the right to spoil it for you.

xxx

[En1234 in reply to clovislorry]

Thanks Lorraine... I have actually made a couple of friends. I know its still early days but you can just tell when you know you can trust someone. Although, I am not giving my all and telling everything, I am still keeping a healthy distance but the girls I am friendly with do keep me going so I dont feel totally alone. I dont sit in close proximity of these others, so they can talk all they like..Whenever I speak to them, they answer back and smile so its a pretty two-faced person who speaks and whispers about you and then is all smiles to your face but if thats the way it has to be then thats all fine with me. As long as they are not causing trouble and doing anything to prevent me from doing my job then I just dont care. Like I said, ive been in this position before but I am handling it differently from before plus I know that I can come on here and speak to my friends. People like you always lift my spirits and leave me feeling better so I know I am not on my own!! :-).. XXX

Sending you massive big hug!! XXX