So if you've not seen any of my other post i used to suffer from server anxiety. After two years of intense therapy i have found coping mechanisms, however i still get it bad sometimes.
This is one of they times ! So apart of my recovery which is what i like to call it, i have conquered my fear of going outside, getting a job and getting rid of all the toxic people in my life (this took several years to achieve but non the less i feel im going along just fine) then a boy, who i have known for a long time has popped back into my life. At first i was excited and it was welcomed considering i had just dropped all of my "friends". I really like him, hes funny and kind and he wants to talk to me everyday just to see how my day went. So here's the problem, everytime i go on a date with this guy my anxiety goes beyond my control and the longer im with him the more upset my stomach gets. It gets to the point were i am holding so much stress in my stomach its really really painful and i end up on the floor holding what feels like my insides together 🙈. I have used excuses a few times like, i have a sickness bug or cramps but it happens everytime i see him so i cant keep it up forever. I have normal nerves right before i see him, then im fine chatting away and then towards the middle of the night everything starts to get painful. I know this is prob TMI but i think its trapped wind 🙈 but i dont get this at any other time than when im with him.
I feel Terrible that we always have a great night then i ruin it by not feeling well. Hes not going to stick around for long if everytime i see him im ill and i wouldn't blame him.
Since iv started talking to him iv lost about a stone in weight just because of the stress ! I feel ridiculous even admitting that. I have mentioned that i have bad anxiety sometimes but i didnt go into details. I just feel constantly stressed even when hes not around and iv completely lost my appetite. I thought dating was the next step in my recovery because i really want to get back out there. I just want to be normal and be able to do normal people things ! But i can see me being able to keep this up. I feel like my body just wont allow it.
Does anyone have any suggestions because im so stuck on this and i have no idea what to do next. I really don't want to have to give him up just because of my stupid anxiety 😧
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Young_wolf
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10 Replies
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When I was dating many years ago I found as the night progressed the conversation seemed to drop of, seemingly would run out of things to say, if this is the case I can relate to your problem.
I found going dancing or going to a show in a club etc curbed the lack of conversation as there was other things to distract or find unrelated things to talk about
You have, it seems gone through a bad time in some ways,that may be enough to also affect your periods of silence and expectation.
I found as I became more involved and understood the persons likes etc the night would go more smooth, I could understand the person and they me and that enabled us to talk about our lives and expectations. It is always hard after recovering from Mental Health issues. We all need to understand how the boyfriend/girlfriend may be feeling. That may help you and your unruly tummy
You could try breathing techniques, if stressed. Also be kind to yourself you are getting over a stressful time in your Life and you are beginning to trust someone who you knew before. it sounds like you are both trying to understand each other so enjoy the interaction. All will sort out as you begin to understand each others needs and expectations
Got to hand it you Bob that was the best reply to a question i have ever read. Thank you so much. I think i might use the part of "you are getting over a stressful time in your Life and you are beginning to trust someone who you knew before." And tell him that, hopefully he will understand and not run away lol
Love does not make you feel anxious .. This sounds such an upsetting experience .. In order to not feel like this I suggest you stop your liasons with this person .. A simple solution that will stop these uncomfortable feelings
I felt something similar when I started my new job. It definetely wasnt a "love" thing though so slightly different but the nerves, pain etc all sound very familiar. I spoke to a really nice lady in our local chemist and she gave me something call "Rhodeola", its herbal, non addictive and does not make you feel drowsy. She told me it would "get me over a hurdle". At first I was very sceptical but it did work and it did get me over that hurdle, I dont need them now as I am "used" to my job and all the people around me. They may work for you (if you apply the same thoughts) you will only need them until you get "used" to this person.
I would only recommend this if the feelings were THAT bad but if it is just the first flushes of love etc then try and embrace it. Practice enjoying it as this is the best part....
Also if this person is as great as you think he is, why not talk to him about it...if he is so nice he will understand and perhaps even help you..??
Hey thanks for your reply, it honestly is that bad. So i will ask the chemists if they have any of that thank you.
Yes i feel like if i can Just get used to him it will stop but getting there is a problem 😂 i know if i told him he would probably be fine with it, its just more embarrassment on my side and i dont want to scare him off with putting all that on him if you understand what i mean.
Hi young wolf. I suffer with IBS and in stressful situations it can be horrific, I so can relate to the holding yourself together part. If you're going out for a meal try something small and maybe avoid alcohol also if your thinking about it before a date that can usually trigger it as you thinking about it may be triggering.
Alcohol and caffeine trigger the bowl off if your feeling that was inclined it really adds fuel to the fire. Maybe certain foods can be a trigger for you too. I follow a strict fodmap diet especially when extra stress is around.
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feeling sad, Need advice
I dont understand 
