Domestic Abuse: This is what some... - Mental Health Sup...

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Domestic Abuse

goodeone
goodeone

This is what some people still call domestic violence. I experienced it for over 10yrs from my son. Yes you read right my son not my husband or partner. This is an area grossly ignored despite more being know of other types of domestic abuse. He started changing from age 13. At first l thought it was just teenage tantrums and having no friends to speak to l had no basis for comparison. He was verbally abusive he would explode over the slightest thing. His tone when speaking to me was one of intense dislike he belittled me no respect at all. He would push me he put bruises on me (were no one could see) blamed me for making him angry. Would demand l apologized to him threaten to withold his board money. I can't go into all details but his anger was frightening. Why did l not get help? I believe domestic voilence meant being beaten black and blue. I did not realise there were other ways of abusing someone. By the time l realized he was over 18 and l could do nothing. I ws at the time of this happening suffering from anxiety and depression so it was hard to stand up to him. I hid a lot of what l went through from my family. I felt it was my fault and l ought to sort it but did not know how. He could be very charming my next door neighbour loved him. It is horrible to feel afraid of your own son to dread his coming home to be waiting for the next explosion.I spent 2 months in a refuge but returned home. In all time he abused me he showed no remorse. He lives in Canada now l have no contact l did for a while but broke it of when after another episode of his behaviour was the end. He came back because the person he lived with was violent and controlling. Oh the irony! I took him was he grateful? No! Ok for a few weeks then it started again.in the end he went back to his abusive partner. I had the locks changed and e mail to tell him l would not help him again. His reply was part poor me

Part threatning. I have done my best to get over this but it's hard. I have dreams when he is outside yelling to be let in. He has never said sorry or dealt heard from me how he harmed me. I have lost all trust in him and would be afraid to meet him again in person. I am afraid of anger in other people especially men if someone raises there voice l cower like a fightend dog. Get the abuser out of one's life is important but l have recieved no help since. I hope by telling you y story you realise there is more to domestic voilence that it being between men and women.Parents abuse children but children abuse parents also. I really need to talk about this but who to? my doctor 10 min max appionment don'tthink so. Friends are too busy family have own problems. Samaritans? Not impressed by them called them about other things not much good. It's time this area of domestic abuse ceased to be hidden in doing that the so called anti domestic abuse people condone this. I have search the internet but found nothing it's a disgrace. One last thing when l was in the refuge a lot of the women were almost disbelieving. I am sure they believed l had done something to deserve it. They were there because men abused them These men are someone's son did these men abuse their mothers too? Something for you to think about or do you still believe abuse come out of no were?

7 Replies
oldestnewest

Hi there,

Reading back over your previous posts, you have obviously been through some very tough times with your family since childhood. The issues with your son are unfortunately, not uncommon. There are many types of counselling or talking therapies so it maybe worth exploring beyond CBT. Tak a look at any of these links specifically to do with domestic abuse:

Womens Aid:

womensaid.org.uk/informatio...

National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247

nationaldomesticviolencehel...

Rights of Women

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-in...

Ok folks, is there anything else you can suggest to support this member?

Keep in touch.

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse

goodeone
goodeone in reply to MAS_Nurse

How can l get other types of help doctors only want to give me tablets. If therapy is avalible it would be private l cannot afford it. Women's Aid focus mainly are women abuse by their partner/husband. I am no longer experiencing domestic abuse it was years ago. But l expirence loneliness fear and isolation. Doctors know about my past but only focus on pils pills and more pills.

hypercat54
hypercat54 in reply to goodeone

I have heard of this and even seen a programme quite recently about it. It does sound awful and I have no idea how you have borne this over the years. I think one thing could help and maybe that is moving home as he obviously knows where you live. If he didn't you might feel a bit safer.

I don't know what country you are in but guess at the USA? I am in the UK so don't know what facilities there are to help you. You can do counselling online which is a lot cheaper than face to face though so have a google.

If you can't afford medical help then there is only the self help route available so try looking at mindfulness, meditation, yogs etc.

Do you have no friend or family member you can talk about this too? If not there might be a local support group you can join?

I wish you the best. x

Oh there is a good forum called 7 cups of tea where there are volunteer and free counsellors available to chat to online. I have used them before and it does help to get things off my chest. x

Hidden
Hidden

Hi Goodeone,

Yes, parent abuse is real. I am sorry that you were abused by your son.

I had a similar experience for 7 years. Now 11 years later i still have nightmares of him. I realized its like a post traumatic stress disorder. Talking therepy is helping at this moment. And my meds regime. His life us great now apparently and he had a 360 turn around. Im still sitting with the after math.

I found a forum for women (not mothers) who have been abused. I am waiting to see if l will be allowed to join. It for those abused by their partner/husband. I am not hopeful of much help.

goodeone
goodeone in reply to goodeone

Still waiting for them to allow me to join. Other option is contact Victim Support several organizations for abused children but next to nothing for abused parents . Organisation's for elder abuse exsist and for children but nothing for parents it's a disgrace. There is little research being done by the medics either guess it's just not important enough.

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