Hypochondriac help? PGAD

[jaderbug]

Hello guys, I haven’t posted on here in a while because it seemed as if my anxiety was starting to get better. I still had it, but i wasn’t getting attacks as frequently and I was able to calm myself down when i felt symptoms. I have been very scared since april that i have a very, VERY rare syndrome, called PGAD (persistent genital arousal syndrome, I was terrified once I’d seen youtube videos on women and men who had it. I thought about it a lot which I don’t know if that could’ve caused me to feel symptoms?) I have made myself completely sick over this. Before this syndrome, it was heart attack, stroke, cancer, seizure, brain tumor, aneurysm, diabetes, etc. but it seems like this one has made those fears look like a piece of cake! (Despite me going to the hospital twice thinking something was wrong with my heart).

I am only 18 years old, I just started beauty school. The beginning of August was actually okay for me. I still had the fear of PGAD but I didn’t think of it as much, which meant I didn’t feel the symptoms of it as much. I know it is anxiety caused, simply because I only feel it when I have anxiety, which sadly, is what I feel through most of my nights and days, i am always exhausted from it.

I started beauty school on the 13th, and it is now the 21th. I am laying here wide awake at 3am and need to be up in 3 hours, but I am afraid yet angry. The day I started school, all my fears of PGAD seemed to be flooded back and I was back to the same routine of constantly worrying about it, depersonalization becoming worse and I fear going insane, and of course feeling the symptoms my brain was trained to believe is PGAD. I’ve trained my brain to believe that certain things make it worse or that if I don’t worry about it and try to ignore it, it’ll get worse and i’ll have it forever. It is the most exhausting experience I had ever gone through in my life, and I know this is just anxiety.

It’s been almost 6 months of this. Intrusive thinking, sadness, anxiety, panic attacks, sleepless nights, loneliness, and most of all — fear. I am not in pain. The feeling just terrifies me.

My question to anyone who suffers from hypochondria is — how long did a illness or syndrome scare you for, and if you had physical symptoms that your brain was trained to believe was real, how long did it last for? How long did it take for you to break this vicious cycle? I am sitting here completely angry, and I feel this is the first time I really am mad at my anxiety. I’ve always been afraid to confront it, but I’m pissed.

I am 18 years old, and I shouldn’t live in fear like this. My boyfriend and I plan on getting married which would be in May after we’ve both finished school and could possibly have careers by then. He knows I am a hypochondriac, but he doesn’t know specifically about this fear and I live in terror about people finding out that I actually feel symptoms of it. I want to recover so badly from hypochondria so that I stop feeling like a freak. I’ve told my mom a little bit about my fears, but I can tell she just gets anxious hearing it, and tells me it’s just in my head, which I actually agree with. I’m totally okay with hearing this is all in my head, because once I’ve truly been convinced it is all in my head, it will go away.

I am able to calm myself down and when I have a panic attack and have every single symptom of a stroke now within a half hour, but not this? I take 1 step forward, but 1000 steps back. I am completely lost, sad, and angry.

Please give me some advice or encouraging words, I don’t want this to make me lose motivation from school. Beauty is my passion.

[sweetiepye]

Hi my friend, I am so sorry you are going through this and at such a young age. You should be having fun and finding out what you want out of life. I have lived through this and for awhile my life was a constant round of trips to the ER, my Doctor, many tests all of which were fine, My problem was low self esteem which I found out in therapy. My Doctor gave me tranquilizers and I went to college. The hardest part was hiding it from everyone. Only my husband knew about the panic attacks and anxiety. After my first semester it started to get easier and eventually went away. You have to face it and not let it change your life in any way.You just go through the fear and come out on the other side. It will not hurt you, anxiety throws so much at you , but it is all lies. It's the fear of fear that is the problem. I hope this helps you some what. Pam

[Krazie]

On level, I can't be of help. I have never had fear of health problems. I had enough real ones to deal with. But, for you, dear, i am wondering if stress is translating into health fears? We live in such a stressful world that it seemed nearly everyone is affected in one way or another. Perhaps getting your stress under control would help? There are many stress relieving methods. Have you tried any of them?

Best of Wishes, dear one.